| No | Name of Contributor | Date Message Left | |||
| 415 | Robert | 15 July 2010 | |||
| Message Left | |||||
| Hi there, after reading so many stories I couldn't believe how many people are in my situation. I thought that I could handle it but really I can't. I tried months ago and just dont have the will power to do it and now a want help to stop, as I feel it's stressing me out and ruining my life. I'm 25 and been doing it for about 5 years, I won 3 grand the other day and its took me two days to lose it even though I have a holiday in two weeks, it's as tho when I get a big win it makes me worse and I'll go to bookies more often even tho I am losing, it's takin over ma life and I should a go to a meeting, |
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| Reply from GA | |||||
| Hi Robert. Yes, one of the reasons for my continual going to meetings is identification that I am indeed not alone nor unique. There are many people like me, and listening to them speak of their experiences makes me remember how bad it was for me living through it. I relate to your win, I also had big wins, but I just gambled more money looking for a bigger win. What I then found is the smaller stakes didn't do it for me any longer and I needed to start with the larger stakes to get the buzz. You will be welcomed at a meeting should you choose to go along. Write back and let us know how you get on. |
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| No | Name of Contributor | Date Message Left | |||
| 414 | Yvonne | 14 July 2010 | |||
| Message Left | |||||
| Hi
My son is on a major spiral downwards as is now and has been for probably longer than even I realise in the state of being a major gambler he lies about everything I have caught him on more than one occasion and had to just sit and watch while he blows his life out the window with his gambling habits. He earns dam good wage but is always skint and just doesnt until now i hope get the point that its his gambling that is his problem. To make matters worse he has a relative close to him that actively encourages it and knows that he has a problem but shrugs he will be fine its this attitude that makes me sick quite frankly as its not his money he is losing is it. I would like to attend a gamblers anonymous meeting with my son he has tried these meetings before and then thought he was cured but he will never be cured of this problem he has an addictive nature bounced from one thing to another not sure why he like this but he is. He needs help now and he is only 22 and I do not want to see him ruin his life. Please help me help him. |
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| Reply from GA | |||||
| Hi Yvonne, there would be no problems with you attending with your son at his first meeting. We see this all the time at meetings I attend. However, he probably needs to find his own bottom first before he will seek help. | |||||
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| No | Name of Contributor | Date Message Left | |||
| 412 | Pamela | 11 July 2010 | |||
| Message Left | |||||
| Hi there not been to G.A yet but I think I need help. I love bingo on line cant get enought of it it was easy when i got my pc so easy had plenty money could go on holidays go to shops and buy what i wanted now i have nothing but my jobs im 59 borrowed 700 pounds from my partner of 14years at xmas time for presents no to gamble won jp no bingo site of 1,666.78 was that enought no gambled all that away partner had a stroke on 15th dec got out just before xmas got his debit card details to put money in his acc for bills yes i was putting it in and drawing it out for bingo he got phone call from bank on thurs to come down pile of statments all with bingo sites on them to the sum of 1800 pound and an overdrawn sum of 175 pound max to limit on credit card i feel sick to my stomach and yes i would still play it so now i need help partner not been working since last may waiting for appeal for disability and gambled alot more than that cant remember how much lost track and all i can say is SORRY. thats my story ty | |||||
| Reply from GA | |||||
| Hi Yvonne, your story is not uncommon. Why not call our helpline today and ask to speak to a female. There are female only meetings if you are worried about going to meetings with men. These will help you ease in and find the identification that you're not alone. | |||||
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| No | Name of Contributor | Date Message Left | |||
| 401 | Anonymous | 27 June 2010 | |||
| Message Left | |||||
| Hi there, I have read a few stories and I can totally relate to them. I am a 30 year old girl and I am sitting here with nothing through slot machines. I have been gambling since I was about 19, I put every last penny I have in them then have to borrow money. I am always stressed and worried and I have a son who deserves better but every time I lose all my money I always say never again but that never lasts. I feel as if I am a total loser and cant do anything right but I really want to stop this but it is just so hard | |||||
| Reply from GA | |||||
| Hi Anonymous, I suffer from an illness called compulsive gambling. This illness untreated left me insane, that's a very difficult concept for some people to grasp but I cannot think of many things more insane than doing the same actions time and time and time again and thinking that the results will be any different. But that's how it was for me, have people who deserve better, say I'll never do that again, but then I do, again and again and again knowing the result will always be the same, but hoping it wont. Thankfully for me that's how life used to be, it can be the same for you too. Stopping gambling isn't that difficult with the support of others who understand what it's like to be you. Getting your life managable again is the difficult part, and that's where the recovery programme comes in. We have meetings all across Scotland, why not give it a try. |
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| No | Name of Contributor | Date Message Left | |||
| 400 | Anonymous | 26 June 2010 | |||
| Message Left | |||||
| Hi there. Like many I played slots and had the odd bet on horses and football. It was ok until I joined betfair then you could lay bets. I started to win and thought you couldnt lose. Then I had a real run of bad luck. The pot of money I had was gone and now I was using my debit card and bigger amounts. I had to self exclude but there is other on line bookies and its too easy. Then you feel really down. I hide it from my family but i know the time has come to leave it for good' |
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| Reply from GA | |||||
| Hi Anonymous, yes I can aboslutely relate to that, I only came to GA when I couldn't face myself any longer. With online gambling I was placing bigger and bigger bets, never felt like real money, make me feel good for a while, then the depression kicks in, then the next day with some money from somewhere the hope kicks in again. Give our helpline a call, come along to a meeting today and see if it can change your life. It changed mines and everyone who comes into contact with me. | |||||
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| No | Name of Contributor | Date Message Left | |||
| 397 | Anonymous | 23 June 2010 | |||
| Message Left | |||||
| I need help my husband is a gambler and a drunk can someone talk to me please | |||||
| Reply from GA | |||||
| Hi there, can you please ring our helpline and ask to speak to a GamAnon member who should be able to offer you some support. | |||||
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| No | Name of Contributor | Date Message Left | |||
| 396 | Anonymous in Paisley | 20 June 2010 | |||
| Message Left | |||||
| Today I received through the mail a bank statement. Again it shows multiple amounts debiting our account for bookies. I lied to my partner and told him I had an appointment at the bank to clear this up as he again said 'fraudulant activity' was occuring in the account. Suddenly he wants to leave work early and meet before the bank appt to lay his cards on the table. Turns out he has been gambling at casinos and bookies for 3-4 years. I am so angry! We both work so hard to provide for our boys, but instead of family holidays, it's being going to gambling. There have been various warning signs over the years, but I chose to believe his stories and pretend all was fine. What do I do now?. I dont know if I can go on, and trust him in the future, but I worry for my boys having parents separated. | |||||
| Reply from GA | |||||
| Hi, I would never start to advise you what you should do here as I myself am a compulsive gambler and understand your partners behaviour. For your own sanity please ring and ask to speak with someone from GamAnon who can share their experience as a partner / family member or friend of a compulsive gambler and what they done. I wish you the very best. |
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| No | Name of Contributor | Date Message Left | |||
| 395 | Anonymous | 14 June 2010 | |||
| Message Left | |||||
| Hi. I have recentley just lost my job and this is down to my gambling problem which I thought I had cured. I was always a gambler from a young age and have lost vasts amount of money. I had stopped gambling for over 6 months and was doing quite well until recentley when I made a stupid decision at work which has cost me my job. I have a wife and three children and my wife has known about my problem and been very supportive. I am now in a scary postion of not having a job and wondering about bills. Like I said I had not gambled for over 6 months and thought I had cured my problem, but the incident at work has shown me that I am compulsive gambler who is always looking to take risks. I was planning to go to a meeting but the last few days have been quite daunting and I want to prove to myself that I am capable of doing this without help (probably a macho thing) I think that me writing this message down and being able to read it back to myself with all the others will hopefully give me the strenghth to do this if not I will have to take the next step and come along to a meeting. |
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| Reply from GA | |||||
| Hi there, I used to think like you as well. I tried many times to stop to gambling, although if being honest they were at best lame attempts. However, I remember the last attempt I made to stop, I really decided enough was enough. I managed a period of time, but could not through stop and stay stopped, ultimately the mental obsession that gambling had over me returned and I gambled again, just like you. My ego was bruised. Eventually in September 2004 I admitted default and that I could not gamble like a normal person and that I could not stop on my own when I wanted to and stay stopped. For me GA provides identification that I am not alone, when I listen to others share, I know it's not just me, and that reminds me that why I come along. And it gives me hope. In my time I have seen countless people, their lives unmanageable turn their lives around to live a "normal" life. |
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| No | Name of Contributor | Date Message Left | |||
| 394 | Anonymous | 14 June 2010 | |||
| Message Left | |||||
| I a writing this as a family member of a compulsive gambler. It is my brother and he is a fantastic guy and our family love him very much. He has been a gambler for over 10 years and he is getting older and has nothing to his name. Gambling is ruining his life and it is also very hard for me as I am incharge of his finance. When I think he is doing ok I then find out he has been gambling behind my back. He lies, steals but I know it is an illness. He is been on GA on and off for few years but he doesnt feel the meetings are what he needs to get better. I just dont know what to do. He doesnt gamble everyday like he use to but when he does gamble he gambles hundreds of pounds. It is always roulet machines he does this on. He loves sports and does put odd coupon on but I dont believe that is his problem. I just wish I could change him because it is hurting the family so much and I just dont know where to turn. Can anyone give me advice what I can do?? | |||||
| Reply from GA | |||||
| Hi there, unfortunately there is not too much you can do to persuade your loved one to come to GA or indeed stop gambling. Typically this has to come from the gambler, and for me I knew I had a problem and admitting it to myself wasn't a problem. The problem for me was accepting it and the thought that I could never gamble again if I embarked on GA. However, each individual needs to reach that point of desperation for themselves then seek the help. With regards to your own individual situation I can only advise that you seek the help and support of GamAnon and they can help you to sort out how you deal with coping. |
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| No | Name of Contributor | Date Message Left | |||
| 392 | John | 06 June 2010 | |||
| Message Left | |||||
| Hi there I feel like a total idiot actually writing on this but I don't really know what to do. I've gambled since about 13 playing fruit machines. This wasn't too much of a problem. I am 20 now and have gambled at bookies since the age of 17. I also play online poker but I'd say I play it more as a hobbie. I've played it for about 3-4 years and really enjoy playing tourneys. In this time I'd say I've slipped up around 10 times chasing loses. I really want to stop gambling but I've said this many times before but can't. I'm really ashamed of myself. Every month I pay my bills and what I owe that I've borrowed and go chasing with the small amount I have left. This is really having terrible affect on my relationship with my girlfriend of 3 years as when I get pay I've no money to do things with her. I feel so s**t every month as I just want to be happy and make her happy and know that I don't have to rely on my folks. I know I really need help and have never done anything like this. I'm not putting it down straight away but I really cant see what going to a meeting can do to help me. If anyone can suggest anything I'd be very greatful thanks | |||||
| Reply from GA | |||||
| Hi John, yeah I can understand where you're at. Started gambling young myself, fruit machines, had the reels memorised on my favourite machines, into the bookies by 17 and doing the usual bookies gambling, I done a lot of roulette machines in bookies but eventually got online poker / blackjack / roulette and slots and of course no cash changing hands, debit cards then credit cards, then debt. Gambling went on to cause me issues in my house, with my wife, with my parents, hurting everyone I loved most, but I never wanted to come to a meeting either, it wasn't for people like ME, that was for someone else, I was too good for GA. Even seeing my wife in tears pleading for me to sort my gambling habit wasn't enough and the sheer selfishness of my behaviour wouldn't take me to a meeting. However, eventually on and my knees almost, I came and discovered there were loads of people here JUST LIKE ME. Almost 6 years have passed since I came along, and a day at a time without gambling in my life, I am now a better person, my wife is happier and my family love me again. Life is really good because I decided to not let my ego get in the way. I'll finish by saying that several years ago I met a great lad, a young guy who came to my meeting in Oxgangs. Online poker player and a teenager at University. I didn't give him much chance that night, but he's stuck around and is now 4 years gambling free, got his relationship back, getting married, got a job after doing brilliant at university and life for him is very good just now. He's now back in Glasgow meetings. This place does work. |
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| No | Name of Contributor | Date Message Left | |||
| 391 | Michael | 19 May 2010 | |||
| Message Left | |||||
| I wanted to write to share my experiences with gambling and the difference GA has made to my life, in the hope that maybe I can help someone else who needs the help that I needed.
For 15 years gambling controlled my life, all I did and thought about was around gambling, whether it be how I could get a bet on, how I could get money to get a bet on, how I could get out of work to get a bet on, the list goes on. My life was controlled by something I had no control over. For years I cheated my family out of the life that they deserved. I spent all I had on gambling and they got nothing, except for the misery and bad moods that went along with it. They should have had the opportunity to be happy, to be contented, to be treated fairly, but all they got was a life full of empty promises, lying, and lost opportunities due to me gambling the money that should have been shared. It became acceptable to me to treat them this way, it was my money to do as I wanted with was what I told myself. The truth was that is was gambling money, which was never mine and would never be mine because I am a compulsive gambler and had money for nothing except for gambling. Money won from gambling is just held in trust by me until the next bet comes along. If I managed to get out of the bookies with money in my pocket for whatever reason and got home with it, I placed it in the special gambling safe, wherever that was, so that it was safe from getting spent on anything except for what it was for, gambling. I cannot really remember what I was like when I was not gambling when I was younger. Even my earliest memories are of gambling on fruit machines or watching someone else gambling on them. Gambling was my life and everything else was just in the way. I worked to fund my gambling and had no real thoughts as to whether I liked my job or not. My days were filled with planning the next bet , or working out where I could get money from. It has often been said to me that you have to hit your rock bottom to come to GA. I came to GA last October and have been gambling free since, a day at a time. I had hit my rock bottom. I knew I was beat and I could not help myself, I needed a greater power to help me, I needed GA. I prepared early for the meeting, drove to the location very early and drove around for a while looking for a friendly face. I parked up ten minutes early and took the slow steps towards the door, someone spotted me, offered me their hand and took me inside and offered me a brew. I sat amongst the others and listened that first night, numb and at rock bottom and ready to accept the help that was on offer, this was the only option left for me, I was beat. I came away with a warm feeling, the feeling that I was not alone, that others shared the same feelings that I did, had the same problem that I did and best of all had managed to bring their lives under control and stop gambling, a day at a time. I have been to the meeting every week since, with maybe 3 exceptions. I have been to other meetings but like my home meeting best, everyone is different but I believe that you have to make the decision to do what works for you with regard to the meetings. I will now tell you how my life is today and what GA has done for me. Today I go to sleep and place my head on the pillow happy and contented and not sick with the thought of how much money I lost today. I will wake up tomorrow and my first thought is not how I did yesterday and what are my gambling plans for today, it is what am I going to do today, and the answer I give myself every morning now is, well you can do anything you like, except place a bet, not so bad! Today I am closer to the person I want to be, I am kind to my family, I still don't have much to give due to my financial situation but I have that under control now and through time I will be able to give them what they deserve. For now they are happy to have the person in their life that they can talk to without being shouted at, we can have a laugh, we can discuss things normally and talk about money today without it turning into an argument. I have time for them, I do the things I should do without making excuses for why I cannot do them. I no longer cause arguments just so I can escape the house and go to the bookies. As for me well I feel content for the first time that I can remember, nobody will upset me today, only I can decide if I want to be unhappy. My life is complete without a gamble, put the gambling in there and I have no control. In society today there are people who try and upset you, try to make you unhappy. I now have the power to rise above those people and make my own mind up as to whether I am happy or not. No longer will the first dog over the line decide whether I am happy today or not, what a magical place to be in, all thanks to GA and the people I have met in my time here. All I am doing today is living a normal life, stopping gambling does not mean that I am immune to the challenges that life throws at me. The thing I know now is that I am better armed to deal with these situations because gambling is not in my life. We all feel happy some days and not happy some others, but today I am in control of my emotions and feelings, my emotion today will be decided by me and the things in my life, no longer by whether I won or lost. I admit that it has been a struggle to fill the void in my life left when I took gambling out of my life, but I have taken up things I had an interest in when I was younger but still find that I have a void there, but I am working hard to fill that void. Gambling had a control of my life and ran my life for 15years, I am not so foolish to believe that I can replace that overnight, but by staying off gambling , a day at a time, I can get normality back into my life. Each week I look forward to my meeting and it is no trouble at all to go there. I need to go each week and get my medicine of hearing other peoples story's of hope and recovery and see the new people who come through the door and remind me and show me that it is no different or better out there today from when I came in last year. GA has reminded me and shown me the person I once was and gradually I am getting back to be that person even if in truth I had forgotten what that person was really like. I look up to so many of the members who have been there for years and hope that I can be like them , to have the happy family, the loving family and to have the peace in your life that you are a good person. They have removed the defects of character that being a compulsive gambler gives you. I am working on removing some of mine, but know I have a long way to go. I never had any problem with giving plenty of my life and time to gambling, now I am giving a small portion of my time to getting better, to becoming the person I want to be but I cannot do it without the hope and support that GA has given me. |
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| Reply from GA | |||||
| Hi Michael, thanks for your wonderful share, it's now online after appearing in the magazine. | |||||
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| No | Name of Contributor | Date Message Left | |||
| 390 | John M - Oxgangs Tues | 16 May 2010 | |||
| Message Left | |||||
| On 13th April i went to my first GA meeting at Oxgangs, after 20 years of gambling, the last 10 years probably as a compulsive gambler. My gambling like so many others started off with a fiver here and there on the horses or football and ended up with three and four figure sums on events i knew nothing about.
The extent of my gambling was very secrative, people knew that i liked a bet but nowhere near to the extent that it was. Most of my big bets were placed online or by telephone. When i started gambling seriously i was fortunate enough to have a good job, i was single with no comittments, if i lost it wasnt really a problem, no one suffered except me. My gambling started to get out of control when i was about 26, i moved into my first flat, i was single and at times lonley. Thats when i discovered internet gambling, i could bet any time of the day or night, eventually i came across betting exchanges where i could back or lay horses, dogs or football teams, i could be the bookie. Some days i would win big but it was never enough, any winnings were soon lost on whatever sporting event happened to be on at the time. Many times over the years i have tried to stop gambling as i knew it was out of control, i would get a bank loan & clear any debts but after a few weeks or months i was back gambling, somehow believing that this time would be different. By the time i met my current partner i had stopped gambling, i was tring to get my life in order, i did however have large debts due to gambling that i was struggling to deal with but i kept this from my partner, even after we got engaged and had our first child. Eventually just before the birth of our second child i admitted that i had lied and was struggling with financial debts due to gambling. Although this was a difficult time in our relationship we worked through it and consolidated my debts. But just as in the past when things were looking good in my life i slipped back into gambling, this time however it was more binge gambling, i would go weeks without a bet but when i started i could not stop, if i won i had to win more and if i lost i had to win it back. I had obtained credit cards behind my partners back and before long they were maxed. I eventually admitted some of my gambling problems to my parents and without my partners knowledge my parents gave me the money to pay off these debts, which i did, but before long i had maxed the credit cards again. I borrowed more money from my parents to buy me some time until my luck changed but it didnt and i lost this money. I had no option to admit to my partner that i was gambling again and to what extent. This came as a complete shock and i was terrified of losing my partner & children, my family and some close friends now know about my gambling problem and my debts and i am so fortunate that they have stood by me and are supporting me through this very difficult chapter in my life. There are frequent tears (from me), i am angry, frustrated, ashamed and embarassed about my gambling and the situation that i am in but hopefully through GA and the very special people that attend Oxgangs i will come to terms with what i have done, accept it and move on. I have no illusions that GA is going to be part of the rest of my life. |
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| Reply from GA | |||||
| Hi John, thanks for your article, it's now online after appearing in the magazine | |||||
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| No | Name of Contributor | Date Message Left | |||
| 389 | Jim | 29 May 2010 | |||
| Message Left | |||||
| Hi. I have been gambling for some time now money that I cannot afford to lose. I usuaully only gamble when I have had a drink and I blow the lot. I woke up this morning with £7 in my pocket do u think I need help. I have also lost £500 in a week. | |||||
| Reply from GA | |||||
| Hi Jim. It's not up to me to decide if you need help or not, only you can do that. The amount of money isn't relevant as everyone situation is different. I would suggest though if you are losing more than you can afford to lose and you cannot stop when you want to stop that GA could work for you. Look for the page with out 20 questions. Most compulsive gamblers will answer yes to at least 7 of these questions. Come along to a meeting and see what you think. We are all across Scotland every night and if it's not for you then noone will force you into staying. |
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| No | Name of Contributor | Date Message Left | |||
| 388 | Anonymous | 25 May 2010 | |||
| Message Left | |||||
| Hi, I've been of a bet 4 months now things have got a lot better. I thank GA for all there help. God bless Pat | |||||
| Reply from GA | |||||
| Hi there, glad to hear that you're life is already getting better. | |||||
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| No | Name of Contributor | Date Message Left | |||
| 387 | Liam | 04 May 2010 | |||
| Message Left | |||||
| I cannot manage my life anymore. Gambling
has got me beat and I really am at rock bottom.
But am I? I have had this feeling of rock bottom
before and really did not want to feel this way
anymore! But here I am again in this same
position telling myself that I need to get my life
sorted out, this miserable life is not worth it! I am 20 years old and has had 3 shots at GA and always turned my back on it and went back gambling! Yes it does work, I know that and the proof is there but I cant seem to grasp that I need this group for the rest of my life, my head wont let me accept it. And so far my promises to return have always been broken. I know as soon as i walk out that door and decide not to return that im going to be back here! I know it and my parents know it! they know me too well and can pick out the lies and truths soo easily that I hide away to avoid the fighting and having to tell lies. I hurt everyone and its the last thing I want to do! Its so selfish that I gamble! I cant get it into my twisted head while I sit in front of that machine putting hundreds of pounds in that my parents are out working to pay a mortgage, to get a summer holiday! its just waste. I'm wasting my youth and ruining everything with family. All I feel like I do is lie! I hate this life im living! Im not exactly im a high paid job where I have money to spare. I just want the quick route for everything! I hate doing this to everyone! Im so sneaky. Im a horrible person. I really cant go on like this, I just want to hide away but I know I cant. I feel like my life is going nowhere, I dont know what to do with my life, I dont see a future in what im doing. I just want a fresh start, I have had 4 or 5 fresh starts and ended up back here! I know theres no cure for this, gambling is in my life and I cant get rid of it. I know I can stop gambling but I need to be strong, and I know the only way this can be done is working at it. I really need to get back to GA even if I cant see the light at the end of the tunnel. It's better than doing my brains in! I suppose il get back to a meeting. |
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| Reply from GA | |||||
| Hi Liam, thanks for sharing and hopefully you got back to a meeting, you know it works, and you've proved that to yourself in the past. Your article is not published after appearing in our magazine. | |||||
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| No | Name of Contributor | Date Message Left | |||
| 386 | Anonymous | 28 April 2010 | |||
| Message Left | |||||
| Hi, I am female and want to share my story. I like others get paid and start gambling money that should be for my family and bills. I don't know why but like others I keep hoping for that big win. Ain't going to happen is it? I have been gambling for a few years now spending hundreds of pounds, whilst my poor husband pays all the bills. I hate what I have become, opening different bank accounts but then gambling all my wages. Well I have made a decision tonight to save my life. I have closed all sites, visited my bank manager and started a savings plan whereby the money goes to that and not bingo/slots. I am going to do this because I can't lie or cheat to my husband anymore I love him, our sons, my home, i have a good job. I am starting over it has taken along time, but the money I lost this week has left me flat broke within a week of getting paid. I just can't gamble anymore. I will keep my word and I will let you know what happens and what money I have saved. Take care fellow gamblers be strong xx |
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| Reply from GA | |||||
| Hi there, hopefully you're sticking to your plan. I felt like you and tried the same but the mental obsession always returned to me and after no more than a few days I found myself gambling again. I never wanted to come to GA, it wasn't for me but when I actually realised what powerless meant after I really wanted to stop and couldn't I had nowhere else to turn. GA worked for me immediately and continues to work in my life today keeping me gambling free. So if you cannot do this on your own which is sounds like, then please consider a group near you. | |||||
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| No | Name of Contributor | Date Message Left | |||
| 385 | Fifi | 28 April 2010 | |||
| Message Left | |||||
| Hi everyone, have read through all your stories, have to admit it is good to hear other people in the same situation as me. I am married with two beautiful children, and i am risking it all by gambling. I hate it, i hate myself for what it makes me do and say, i lie all the time and i lie that much i dont know what the truth is sometimes. I have gambled over the last few years, not much few hundred pounds. Until the start of this year, i have lost in the last few weeks 5000 pounds on on-line gambling! I would never go to a bookies, casino, bingo hall. So why am i going on-line and doing this??? Its mainly scratch cards and i am chasing my losses( which i know is the worst thing i could do) My husband found out before and my mum and dad but they think i stopped few weeks ago, and would never think i was a gambler. I wish for today i could not gamble, or worry about my life, family, finances. At the end of the day i have made my own mistakes and will have to live with the consequenses of my actions. My husband will not be able to understand as he works hard for his money and for me to do this will be unthinkable! Sorry to rant on, i want to attend a ga meeting and hopefully get my life back on track. Thanks for listening fi | |||||
| Reply from GA | |||||
| Hi Fi, you are not alone. Although being a gambling in the height of losing, mounting debts and increased strain on family life it can feel like the most alone place in the world. I was also an online gambling and I would never place the stakes over the counter I placed online. GA is here for you, like it is for me, almost 6 years now since I last gambled, something I just thought was impossible, a pipe dream. More and more women are coming to our groups, you are not alone. Ring the helpline and ask to speak to a woman, they will make it happen and put you in touch a quickly as possible. |
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| No | Name of Contributor | Date Message Left | |||
| 383 | ann marie paisley g.a. | 26 April 2010 | |||
| Message Left | |||||
| Hi,
I would like to say to you all that GA works if you want it in your life and do it the GA way. I am so glad I found GA and gave it a chance for I have got so much out of GA not just for me but for my family. With the help of the fellowship and the new friends I have made in the time I have been in GA and that has been a few years now every day has been a day at a time and most of these have been better than the last. I just love Gamblers Anonymous and thank all the members that where there before me and the ones after me for staying and spreading the GA message thank you for being there. |
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| Reply from GA | |||||
| HI Ann Marie, thanks for sharing this hope especially after the last few posts, perhaps when reading them those people can gain some real hope from your simple but oh so true posting. | |||||
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| No | Name of Contributor | Date Message Left | |||
| 382 | mick | 24 April 2010 | |||
| Message Left | |||||
| Hi, just thought its time I got some help as I think my gambling problem is starting to take over my life. I dont really know what to do. I'm sick of lying to the people I love telling them that I'm ok then coming home and not sleeping for hours worrying. I'ts like yesterday I went to the bookies 4 times in one day and lost over 730 pounds. It's just soul destroying. I just know if I dont get help now im going to lose everything. Hope this can help somebody with the same problem. | |||||
| Reply from GA | |||||
| Thanks for your contribution, this article has now appeared in the magazine. | |||||
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| No | Name of Contributor | Date Message Left | |||
| 381 | anonymous | 24 April 2010 | |||
| Message Left | |||||
| Hi I have been addicted to gambling for about 2 years now and it is affecting my whole family, it started from playing a couple of pounds in slot machines and now I spend every penny I have. I go to bingo nearly every night but also play machines when I am there, I cant go to bingo unless I have about £80 with me, when I dont go to bingo I just sit depressed in the house. I am telling lies to my family all the time and hiding how much money I have, I am on benefits and cant afford to keep this up I am at the end of my tether and my daughters and partner are sick of me gambling and telling lies my daughters are 20 and 16 so they know what I am doing and cant understand why I am doing this. I want to stop as all this is making my life hell it is constant arguing with my partner and I owe everybody money that I am struggling to pay back all my family know I have a serious problem and also I know that myself please could you help as this gambling is ruining my life and my family. |
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| Reply from GA | |||||
| Hi Anonymous, yes we can help and have helped hundreds of others who classed themselves as hopeless and in despair through their gambling. The time to stop and change your life is now. All the best. |
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| No | Name of Contributor | Date Message Left | |||
| 380 | Anonymous | 19 April 2010 | |||
| Message Left | |||||
| I had my first bet 23 years ago, the horse I bet won and I thought this was easy money and began on a life on gambling. I have lost a lot of money this year already, I have a good job with a great family who support me tremendously, today I have not had a bet and fear if I ever do again I would kill myself. I am finding it hard to draw a line under my losses and move on, although I must try as the alternative looks bleek. | |||||
| Reply from GA | |||||
| Hi there, your story sounds all too familiar I'm afraid. Sorry but I've removed the amounts of money you mentioned as some people may see that as more or less than them and qualify or disqualify them as a compulsive gambler. If you are gambling more than you can afford and you cannot stop and stay stopped when you want to then you are probably one of us. I know you say you're finding it hard, try looking in the book towards 90 days which talks about not living in the past. Wishing you all the very best, it only gets easier. | |||||
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| No | Name of Contributor | Date Message Left | |||
| 379 | S | 19 April 2010 | |||
| Message Left | |||||
| My son has been gambling for past year or so and is now gambling his pay away before paying rent, bills etc. He has various overdrafts and loans and now owes me a fortune. His father has washed his hands of him and I am desperate to help him but cannot get him to go to a meeting. He is about to lose his partner, home and maybe job if he has no money to get back and forth. Can some help me as I am at my wits end. | |||||
| Reply from GA | |||||
| Hi S, we can only help him when he wants to be helped. That sounds harsh I know, but like your son I done all the same things and led my whole family down a terrible path of debt and destruction. But I needed to want to be helped and only sought out GA when I really hated the person I had turned into. You can help yourself just now though, make a call to Gam Anon and speak with another mother who can understand what you are going through. The numbers are on the contact pages. |
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| No | Name of Contributor | Date Message Left | |||
| 378 | David A | 13 April 2010 | |||
| Message Left | |||||
| I have always gambled why I dont know. Maybe a way of getting through life, a way of getting around boredom the thrill of the big win. Over the years I have lost thousands, but it's the family you lose. I loved my wife and children but the urge to gamble destroyed the love of my wife years later I live alone. Afraid to have another relationship because I dont want to cause pain to any one else. I wish I could turn back the clock and know what I know now. If there are any young people reading this stop gambling before its to late otherwise you will end up a sado like me living in a flat with no real frinds and family who dont want to know you time passes by so quick and one day you realise you have thrown your life down the toilet |
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| Reply from GA | |||||
| Hi David, like many we wish we could turn bac the clocks. However, we need to accept that the money is gone, the time is spend and the past cannot be changed. But today you can change. | |||||
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| No | Name of Contributor | Date Message Left | |||
| 377 | Fredo | 11 April 2010 | |||
| Message Left | |||||
| I planned to give up gambling on the 14th May, after a trip to York races, which is already booked and paid for. I'm not going to do that now. I'm stopping today. I've been out 'smelling the flowers' today, rather than stuck in front of the t.v. watching racing and now seems as good a time as any to go for it. I know it won't be easy as I've gambled for over 40 years but feel, as I am finally addressing my drink problem, that I am, for the first time in years, in the proper frame of mind to tackle this other addiction. Talk's cheap, I realise. I wish all who suffer this terrible affliction well for the future. Thank you for giving me the opportunity to put this in writing. | |||||
| Reply from GA | |||||
| Hi Fredo, good for you, there's no time like the present and if you've been along to some meetings you'll no doubt have heard the word procrastination used. | |||||
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| No | Name of Contributor | Date Message Left | |||
| 376 | Thomas | 05 April 2010 | |||
| Message Left | |||||
| Hi everyone my name is thomas and i am a cg. I have lost thousands, gutted but never the less there are more important things in life than money like my health I have been to the edge and back it is a teribble illness that I will beat I have self excluded from the bookies this is my day one after reading many of these sad storys i see myself in everyone of these one way of another I am going to make it a life goal to turn this round I hope u can take some strenght from my story | |||||
| Reply from GA | |||||
| Thanks for your contribution, this article has now appeared in the magazine. | |||||
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| No | Name of Contributor | Date Message Left | |||
| 375 | Gail | 05 April 2010 | |||
| Message Left | |||||
| I went to my first GA meeting on Sat. I stood outside the door for what seemed a lifetime and took the plunge and went in. I cried all the way through the meeting as everything others were saying was me!I have had the toughest weekend ever - wanting to go online/wanting to go to the casino and even as I write this now all I can think about is getting to the casino and feeling comfy and relaxed in front of the slot machines! Although if I think far enough ahead to the feeling of despair I will feel if lose its a constant struggle inside. How can I sustain this for the rest of my life!!!! Its sooooooo hard. | |||||
| Reply from GA | |||||
| Thanks for your contribution, this article has now appeared in the magazine. | |||||
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| No | Name of Contributor | Date Message Left | |||
| 374 | Gail | 03 April 2010 | |||
| Message Left | |||||
| Hi I have just played the slot machines online and lost not only all of my money but I accessed my husbands account and lost his limit as well. I cannot see what else to do with my money apart from gamble it away. I go to the casino(along with mu husband) at leastg 4 times a week and the rest of the time play online.The min ute my pay goes into the bank I gamble it all away. I sit online at midnight and wait for it to go in. And play till its gone. I need help and am thinking of going to one of your meetings this afternoon but like everyone has said - I'm scared!!!! | |||||
| Reply from GA | |||||
| Hi Gail, it's prefectly normal to feel scared going to meetings. What you must try and remember is that everyone there has taken the same step as you. Noone is there to judge you, they will listen and try and share with you how they stay away from gambling today. If it makes you more comfortable you can also speak to a female. Ring the helpline number and ask to speak to a female. Whoever answers the phone will make that happen for you. |
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| No | Name of Contributor | Date Message Left | |||
| 373 | Ross | 02 April 2010 | |||
| Message Left | |||||
| Hi there. I started gambling about a year and a half ago. I had never been in a bookies or played a bandit previously. The first time I went I had £5 spare, so I thought why not? from that £5 I won over £100 and thought "this isn't too bad!". After a while I started going most days and spending all my money.
I stopped for a long while as I had a holiday coming up and needed to save for that. I did save and really enjoyed it. When I got back home I was back gambling heavily within the first week. It has now got to a stage where my monthly wage comes in, I pay off all the bills and debts I owe (parents and friends) and the rest I blooter on a stupid bandit! When all my money has dried up I end up hating myself and my friends and family are usually disgusted in my actions. I really can't go on spending pretty much a full months hard earned wages in a night or well within a week! Can anyone relate to this? if so I would to hear how you got over it. Ross |
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| Reply from GA | |||||
| Hi Ross, yes I can relate to it very much. This was pretty much how my gambling began. Fruit machines in amusement arcades. Everywhere I went I would end up playing these machines, arcades, chip shop, corner shop, pub, etc, etc. Fruit machine obsession stayed with me through my entire gambling life. Initially like you I could stop when I needed to, just a little while to clear my feet, pay a bill, go a holiday. Although I also remember times when I had a young family and not much money, my wife gave me her only £5 to get milk and bread, I started with £1 in the machine and ended up playing the whole £5 and not getting bread and milk. Now £5 is nothing, but that was our last £5. As my time went on that fruit machine obsession stayed with me but I progressed onto other forms of gambling, cards, poker, casino, roulette machines in bookies and eventually online gambling. How did I get over it, well eventually when I found enough desperation in my life I came to GA, with not a lot of hope and without really thinking I would be like other people (I was not like them). Turned out my case was no different, and I identified with people who were gambling more than they could afford and who has lost the ability to control their gambling and could no longer stop and stay stopped. I've been in GA since then, I go to regular meetings, and I'm involved at my group level and also I do a little work on this website answering posts like this and hopefully sharing my experience. It's now over 5 years since the last time I gambled and my life has improved tremendously and that's because I finally became willing to admit I was not different and I could not control my gambling. Why not come along to a meeting near you, give it a try and see if you can identify with what's being said. |
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| No | Name of Contributor | Date Message Left | |||
| 370 | Billy - Wee Monday | 25 March 2010 | |||
| Message Left | |||||
| My name is Billy and I'm a member of the Wee Monday group. I was 6 years free from gambling on the 17th of march, I recieved my 6 year pin on the 22nd of march. My sister Anne also recieved her 4 year pin on the same night as myself. I would just like to say that it was a fantastic evening and the atmosphere was great. I would like to thank a few people for making the evening special first of all my friend Joe, who presented Anne with her 4 year pin, and a very special thanks to Kevin (Rutherglen Thursday group), who presented me with my 6 year pin. The small speeches made by these 2 people whilst presenting our pins meant so much to us both. The support I have recieved from my friend Kevin has been a tremendous support to me personally in my recovery at G.A. I would also like to thank all the members of the wee Monday and the visitors, as without them I would not be 6 years free from gambling today. Thank you all so very much for your support and encouragement over the years. I would like to thank my family for being part of my recovery, my daughters Margaret Anne and Mandy, also my brother in law Dougie and my friend Richard. Once again thankyou all so very much. Billy wee monday. | |||||
| Reply from GA | |||||
| Thanks for your contribution, this article has now appeared in the magazine. | |||||
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| No | Name of Contributor | Date Message Left | |||
| 369 | Willie - Cambuslang Friday | 23 March 2010 | |||
| Message Left | |||||
| Hi, I would like to thank GA especialy members of Partick Burgh Halls Wednesday afternoon who over a year and a half ago gave me help and advice and spirit to stop gambling. Many thanks from a life long compulsive gambler my life who is so much happier in so meny ways. Your meeting is a credit to every one concerned in GA. Dear Editor I would be honoured if you could print this in GA mag to let GA Partick know the good work they do thanks. |
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| Reply from GA | |||||
| Thanks for your contribution, this article has now appeared in the magazine. | |||||
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| No | Name of Contributor | Date Message Left | |||
| 368 | Hugh - Cumbernauld Group | 18 March 2010 | |||
| Message Left | |||||
| I love the word browse. I hear it quite a lot when people talk about the internet. In fact I browse quite a bit myself. Before committing myself to most purchases I tend to browse.
I can remember browsing the GA Scotland website on and off for about a year. I knew I had a huge gambling problem and browsing this website could be done without anyone ever knowing. I could pick my time when I browsed. When no work colleagues would see or my children or wife wouldn't see. Most of that year I left the GA website having browsed some more of the stories and getting alot of identification from what was written. I always vowed I would try one last time to stop gambling and that would be it. Once I'd stopped I'd get my life back in order. I'd sort my financial worries out and my life would be great. I did try to stop gambling each time but never could. I found that my gambling got worse and I lost even more money. I was making my life even more miserable and had even more lies to hide. So guess what I started browing again. I'd be back on to the GA website and there would be more new stories to read and I could identify with even more of these stories. I would look at the meetings page and think about going along but never would. This cycle continued for a year. Then one cold night in October 2009 I could take no more and bit my lip and got myself to a meeting. I was nervous and shaking before entering the meeting and wasn't sure what to expect. But guess what someone held their hand out and shook my hand. I was then offered a cup of tea and a seat to sit. I then had a wee look around and found men and woman who were...normal. Some were even laughing and seemed to be enjoying themselves. It is now March 2010 and I'm still off gambling. I can honestly say going into that meeting was the best thing that ever happened to me. My life is now starting to take shape and I'm enjoying the company of these men and women. So if you were like me and like to browse. The next time you browse the GA website you might want to take the next step and get along to a meeting. It might just be the best move you ever make |
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| Reply from GA | |||||
| Hi Hugh, this has been sent to the magazine for inclusion but I really liked it so much I've released it straight away. I really liked it because it's exactly what I done, reading GA UK site for 9 months before coming in the door. I identified with all those stories but honestly just wasn't ready to give in to gambling. I stopped browsing and came to a meeting over 5 years ago now, and how this GA, it's programme of recovery and the the very special people in the rooms have changed my life forever. |
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| No | Name of Contributor | Date Message Left | |||
| 366 | Frank - Rutherglen Thursday | 16 March 2010 | |||
| Message Left | |||||
| Hi, my name is Frank and I am a compulsive gambler. Through the grace of god of my understanding I have not had a desire to gamble for over 6 years and ongoing recovery today on the foundation of one day at a time. GA works, the 12 steps work, it's the people who don't put the work and effort into their recovery that it won't work for. It's a program of change, we have to change the person we were before we entered the doors of GA, and that does take time and I use my on experience on that. It's is a great journey to embark on in recovery. It works, it really does. God bless everybody in their own personnel journey. Frank B | |||||
| Reply from GA | |||||
| Thanks for your contribution, this article has now appeared in the magazine. | |||||
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| No | Name of Contributor | Date Message Left | |||
| 365 | Young Danny - Parkhead Mon / Fri | 13 March 2010 | |||
| Message Left | |||||
| hi ive been attending ga for nearly 16 months now, i had a fall last april as i wasnt doing the right things, that i was told 2 do, when i came through the doors, but i now find myself 4 weeks away from my 1 st year pin to anyone out there struggling ,i would recommend that they go 2 a meeting, for your life will only get better, as long as you listen 2 the advice you are given, i have met some wonderfull people through ga and i give thanks 2 the fellowship for getting my life back on track (one day at a time) that is all they ask, i have done 5 meetings this week, and am chairing my meeting on monday, for only the 2nd time but i know that this can only help with my recovery, and i would just like 2 thank everyone who has helped me 2 get some serenity back in my life the guys and girls from motherwell, rutherglen, and the members of my own group thanks again and thank god for ga | |||||
| Reply from GA | |||||
| Thanks for your contribution, this article has now appeared in the magazine. | |||||
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| No | Name of Contributor | Date Message Left | |||
| 364 | Mike | 27 February 2010 | |||
| Message Left | |||||
| Even now after spending some time browsing the stories, I am thinking about cancelling the 570£ withdrawal and having one "final" shot. There probably cant be a clearer indication of a problem :( | |||||
| Reply from GA | |||||
| Hi again Mike, this sounds more like the mental obsession that manafests itself in every compulsive gambler and of course the delusional thinking that this time it might be different. The reality for people like us is it will never be different. | |||||
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| No | Name of Contributor | Date Message Left | |||
| 363 | Mike | 27 February 2010 | |||
| Message Left | |||||
| Hi, I am on this site because I feel I have a problem, which I cannot by myself keep under control. I started gambling about 7 years ago. I had never even been into a book makers before this time. someone I worked with introduced me to this " ill never need to work again" concept. I tried it and lost 50£ . the next time i tried it and won 90£. From here it escalated to gambling my entire months wages* and effectively losing it every month over and over. * = the only good thing was that i paid my bills first - everything else went on gambling. I lost my at the time girlfriend partly over this, I moved city, found another job, and managed to stop it for while - approximatley 3 years. 2 years ago I started this again, playing on line roulette, and again lost money. I told my partner about it and I managed to quit again for a while, we planned how i was going to pay back around 2000£ that I owed. I almost did it. she even gave me my bank cards back, since she had full control of everything. In january of this year, I started it again, with the hope of winning a little money to put towards a new car. I won enough to pay off my partners credit card, which i did, pay off all my outstanding bills, and still have a nice amount left over. I was delighted, elated even. Until I could not control the urge to try and win a little bit more. time and time again i tried and failed. on several occasions i actually made it back, but just wanted that little bit more. Now here I am in debt by around 3800£. I tried last night to win some of this back but failed, I claimed the 570£ I had left and closed my computer down. My partner doesn't know any of this, she believes i have this under control. I pay my bills, I pay my taxes, I have enough money to put food on the table and basically "live" I cant do this any more, i cant live my life the way i have done for the past 7 years. i have precious little to show for a hard working life since i left college, and above all i cannot continue living this terrible lie to my partner. I love her dearly, and she doesn't deserve this. I feel sick and rotten to the core at this moment in time. The worst of it is I know how dangerous these online roulette games are, you can win huge amounts in a very short space of time but equally you can lose just as much and more. This is why I know i have a problem that i alone cannot fix. Any help, suggestions, scoldings greatly appreciated. thanks M. | |||||
| Reply from GA | |||||
| Hi Mike, the 1st step is to admit that gambling has you beat and it sounds as though you're doing that. For some it's a slow subtle deterioration and for others it's very fast and directly to the misery, that is not important. What is important is the identification with people just like you (read some of these stories) and the hope that your life can get better and doesn't need to be like it is today (read some other stories). We have meetings all other the country, every night of the week helping hundreds of compulsive gamblers across Scotland. Why not give it a go, it changed my life forever just over 5 years ago. |
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| No | Name of Contributor | Date Message Left | |||
| 362 | Louise M (Oxgangs Tuesday) | 20 February 2010 | |||
| Message Left | |||||
| I would just like to thank the Fellowship for their neverending support. The minute you embrace such a fellowship, you find it will embrace you.
Today I'm sitting in my cosy flat and thinking far too much.
Recently I've had tragedy in my life, where one of my best friend's ended her young life. I've never experienced pain like it, she was courageous, beautiful, funny, fiesty, wild and no ounce of malice in her. You hear stories of such tragic tales and you think "i can't relate, but i will try" and now I am the one telling such a story. I miss her so much. A call, a text, a hug, a "oh Looby", a wine, a laugh, a cry, a story and dreams to go visit France for a girly holiday. From day one I told her about GA and she never judged, she wished I'd have asked her for help at the time I was gambling my socks off. That's the type of person she was. She truly cared. She met a few friends from GA who all had lovely things to say about her and were just as shocked at her departure from our lives. It's one week today since she passed away. The night before we spoke of everything from men to work to makeup to moments of happiness in each others lives. How ironic I would ask such a question! I look back and feel at a loss, maybe as friends, we shouldn't have had that wee tiff, I shouldn't have had a go, I shouldn't have thought about the negatives in our friendship. I wished we hadn't of met that night but again since that night I've known she had escape routes in her mind all along. I know deep down I was her best friend and that keeps me sane. The night before she told me I was her "life saver". We both hugged and said we loved each other before she got on the bus home. I'm writing this article because the pain is so intense and I just don't know if it will ever go away. I hope by the time it is published it will have eased. The GA fellowship is a place I'm proud to be. I returned to the meeting today and everyone embraced me. I can't imagine my life without the fellowship. The texts, the calls, the genuine friendships created is just beyond anything you can imagine. I also genuinely care for people within GA. I've not fully developed myself for one reason or another but I will work on that this year and try and help others. I am so grateful for this place, I am so grateful GA has worked this time for 13 months now, but it's a day at a time. I am so grateful that I have good family. GA has given me a life where my hands are always clean, where they don't smell of pound coins, where my face isn't false and it tells many truths, where I'm able to deal with such a difficult time without going down the road of destruction again. I can't bring my friend back, I'd do anything to be able too, but I can't. My recovery has taken a hit but the important thing is not to hide my sorrow. Talk, talk and talk. I struggle with that as grieving hurts but I will work on it, whereas before it would lead me to gamble. Life is very short, at first it took me 10 month's to get with the GA programme, even though I wasn't gambling, I just didn't believe this was me. I've not got one single doubt that I am a Compulsive Gambler. Thank you for reading my article. |
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| Reply from GA | |||||
| Hi Lousie, this has now appeared in our magazine. Thanks for your contribution and sorry for your loss. | |||||
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| No | Name of Contributor | Date Message Left | |||
| 361 | Anonymous | 20 February 2010 | |||
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| I wanted some help with complacency. I started the year with re-newed hope, I had managed to abstain for the longest period in years and in the wake of a tiny £10 slip had self-excluded from all of my favourite sites. I was beginning to get back on a financial even keel and had by January accrued what for me after years of being broke was a size-able store of household emergency money. I was a new person who was not remotely interested in gambling and had the firm resolve not to even start at the first bet.
Then last week everything changed. I always gambled on-line, never in person so I hadn't accounted for what would happen when I deposited some of my savings in order to pay a bill. It was for an uneven amount so I had deposited £10 more than the bill amount, so there would be no harm in having a little go at free on-line bingo. Needless to say the bill didn't get paid that day, I had to go into my branch again to deposit enough to cover the bill. I was home less than 5 mins when it was all gone! I went into my local shop to purchase UKash, I know that the assistant knew what I was doing and I was totally humiliated, but still I did it! Fast forward to today, I have in less than a week bounced back down to rock bottom. I have repeated the same old pattern that has failed to work for years, depositing and winning thousands but never collecting, despairing when the balance went to zero and being elated when it went up enough to cover my loses resolving to collect but never doing so repeating this again and again to the point where now I can't legally get my hands on any more money to have another try. Losing the money will obviously cause hardship but in the cold light of day what worries me more is the frightening speed with which I have returned to lying to obtain money from my parents and more disgustingly my elderly grandparents who mistakenly idolise me! I can't say that I consciously thought I would test myself, the problem is that I didn't think at all, it was almost an automatic thing to do when I saw a positive balance in my current account. I'm not a stupid person, and I know that the literature says that it is not important to know why we do these things but I'm horrified to admit that I have no willpower in this area. I have said this before but didn't really believe it but I really am a compulsive gambler! I can't imagine what will work for me as abstaining for weeks or months and being completely convinced that I will never ever do this again does nothing to prevent the unexpected relapse out of the blue. Can anyone give me some advice on this front? |
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| Reply from GA | |||||
| Hi Anonymous, this has now appeared in our magazine. Thanks for your contribution. | |||||
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| No | Name of Contributor | Date Message Left | |||
| 360 | Anonymous62 | 20 February 2010 | |||
| Message Left | |||||
| When It Rains
It always seemed to rain when I was in the middle of yet another nightmare, another episode of brain destroying gambling. It rained and it was gloomy, a bit like my mood, gloomy. Depression often took over my every mortal emotion. Things are never really as bad the next day, well, that's what my illness would tell me and I'd believe it. I'm not really that stupid that I believed things weren't bad but I just kind of shut my eyes to the reality and pretended to myself that today would be a better day surely yesterday was as bad as it could possibly ever get. Nope, down it came, the rain, overcast, miserable, depressing, gloomy bleedin' rain !!!!! You see, as a compulsive gambler I had absolutely no chance of beating this inner addiction, thats what I called it, my inner addiction, my little friend, my own little demon, my demon no-one elses just mine. And by God did my little friend beat me up, too right it did, and often. I'd get beaten up whether I wanted it or not, I had no choice, I was weak, I was being led by the hand like a child........ right into my own wee world of my inner addiction. How many times had I cried inside my head and inside my heart? So many times that I simply accepted this was the way it had to be, I was meant to gamble in this manner, I knew it and my little friend knew it and there was no way it was ever going to be any different today from yesterday or from last week or last year. I loved gambling and I hated gambling and it had me !!! Day in day out it bloody rained, January, March, June, August and December it rained......... in my mind it rained everyday and I hated it. I wanted it to stop, please, please make it stop raining, I need a rest from this misery and turmoil. My inner addiction HAD to be dealt with some how. I had to find some way of stopping this little b*stard inside me leading me to that bookies once and for all........ there HAD to be a way, there HAD to be someone or something that could help me because I certainly couldn't stop gambling on my own. I had tried, I think, but I must have failed because here I was again standing in the bloody rain. Getting soaked wasn't a problem anymore I was used to that - now I was beginning to drown in some of the puddles that were gathering around me. Emotional puddles. My heart and soul were screaming out for help and nobody could hear...... please, please help me!!!! No, enough was enough, I really was sick beyond belief and I had finally lost one coin too many I was sick of the rain !!! Monday came and it hadn't rained today, not yet anyway, I had decided I am not doing this myself anymore I am going to call in some help and 'my liittle friend' was about to have a fight on its hands, no more was I going to fight my inner addiction on my own so I asked GA to help me. And help me they did, I dont know where 'my little friend' is today but I'm sure he'll be showing some other poor guy how much it rains in Glesga. Shame that. So, if YOU are the person that 'my little friend' is hanging around with nowadays please do me a favour and kick his a*se for me because I forgot to before I left him in the p*ssing rain a few Mondays ago. And, by the way, that inner addiction that I had? Well, I still have that but its called an illness, its the illness that ALL compulsive gamblers have, even you, John. I've had a few days off gambling now and my life has improved considerably its not all a bed of roses every day but most days are quite acceptable. You see, its just about doing the simple things and listening to how some other folk have done it. While I am in GA and its raining outside for some crazy reason life doesn't seem quite so tough. It really can be a sunny day even "when it rains". |
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| Reply from GA | |||||
| Hi Anonymous62, this has now appeared in our magazine. Thanks for your contribution. | |||||
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| No | Name of Contributor | Date Message Left | |||
| 359 | Annie | 16 February 2010 | |||
| Message Left | |||||
| I don't know if my son will read this or not. I just want to say I love him and I am so sorry he is in such a mess. He is married and has children. He has been gambling for all of his adult life and has lost thousands of pounds and tells so many lies to cover up. He is lucky his wife has given him so many chances he has nearly lost his house and then bailed out time and time again. I have now got a bank loan for thousands and credit cards owing thousands. I just can't afford it any more any sometimes I don't want to wake up in the morning. If I don't come up with the money he puts pressure on me and I am not to say anything to his wife. But I can't afford to pay his gambling debts and I worry what will happen to him if I don't come up with the cash. Annie | |||||
| Reply from GA | |||||
| Hi Annie, for the sake of yourself please contact Gam Anon. This is the support network for the friends and families of compulsive gamblers. They can help you. | |||||
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| No | Name of Contributor | Date Message Left | |||
| 358 | John | 11 February 2010 | |||
| Message Left | |||||
| WHERE DO I START?? Back to square one, I am 43 I have a lovely wife and the best two kids you could ask for, still I am prepared to blow it all to gamble. For the past 25years I have been betting, recently on the poker sites. I attended GA about 15 years ago however it was not long before I was back to my old ways. To cut a long story short over the past year I have blown near £20 000 it all came to a head on Monday night, I was playing poker and in the end I couldnt wait to loose so I could confess all (again) to my wife. This time she wasnt as forgiving, she has heard all the sorrys and never agains in the past. However this time was different, she called my mum and dad this time, they came down to the house that night and I confessed all. I am working away from home at the minute, and my head is buzzing. We have planned to repair our finances, its going to take over two years to get back on track there. The worst of it all I promised my Kids a trip to Disney this year, thats now gone up in smoke. IS THAT BET WORTH IT ???????? NO. Johny G |
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| Reply from GA | |||||
| Hi Johny, unfortunately your story is not unique. There are many people who come to GA and stop gambling for a little while only to go back out there and do it all again. It's ok to come back though, whether it was 15 days or 15 years ago, GA is always here and all we ask is you have a desire to stop gambling, that is our only requirement for membership. I came to GA for me, when I'd had enough of the lying, stealing, deceiving. GA will always be here for you if you want to give it a go. We understand you. |
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| No | Name of Contributor | Date Message Left | |||
| 357 | John | 09 February 2010 | |||
| Message Left | |||||
| I have thought about this for more than a week and it has bothered me since it happened. I was visiting the Clydebank meeting last Monday and heard a long standing member talk about how GA had saved his life. This 'member' gets around several meetings and I am wondering how much he respects GA and the members who were at that meeting in Clydebank last week (1st Feb). I know he should not be allowed to affect my own recovery but in my opinion he showed extreme ignorance when he walked out of the meeting cheerfully announcing his intentions to go to Celtic Park to see the arrival of Robbie Keane that night. Robbie Keane might be a fabulous football player but he will never help keep 'Mr Long Standing Member' off a bet or indeed take away from this members' ignorance towards compulsive gamblers like myself who look to the example of members who care for GA and its principles of helping other fellow sufferers. If this was to be seen as the example of a strong GA member then there is little hope for our fellowship but fortunately not all GA members are as ungrateful for what GA has given them. I, personally, had gone to Clydebank knowing how strong a meeting it was and I can only hope this guy was NOT a Clydebank member because his actions were completely out of order and wildly unacceptable within the fellowship. He knows who he is and so do many others, I just hope he regrets his pathetic show of contempt for everyone who attended Clydebank that evening. My one over- riding recollection of that meeting was his cheap and worthless comment that GA had saved his life !!! I hope that this article can be posted on the website before having to wait till the next edition of the New Life is published as I feel it is important for ALL other GA members to realise that this is an honest programme and when the short memory kicks in this is the way some others may behave and we must take what some say with a seriously large pinch of salt. Will this comment see the light of day? I should hope so because I'd like to think that I am allowed to voice my observations without censorship. | |||||
| Reply from GA | |||||
| Hi John, this has now appeared in our magazine. Thanks for your contribution. | |||||
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| No | Name of Contributor | Date Message Left | |||
| 356 | Annon Govanhill | 08 February 2010 | |||
| Message Left | |||||
| I am female 48yrs old I have been gambling on and off for 10 years, but now it has gone out of control. I gamble online and if I am in town I will play the slot machines. This has got truly out of hand that I am spending all my money and relying on my partners money to pay the bills. I have tried to change my routines in life but still go back to online gambling. I know this is wrong and have spoken to my partner before about this and he got mad. He nearly caught me again online but I denied this. I feel so stressed, crying, wondering why I am being like this. I have had two marriages where one abused and the other cheated on. My partner and I have been together for 16 yrs. I am afraid if I tell him I have still been gambling he will walk out on me. I need to take the first step but so very scared of losing everyone around me. | |||||
| Reply from GA | |||||
| Hi Annon. please don't feel scared or ashamed, there are people here who understand, and we also have an increasing number of females who are here and understand. I have passed your email address onto Sharon who runs our female only group, I am sure she will be in touch and hopefully offer you some comfort that your life can get better. |
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| No | Name of Contributor | Date Message Left | |||
| 355 | Cameron | 05 February 2010 | |||
| Message Left | |||||
| I have just attended my first GA meeting in Partick and would like to say thank you for the sincere support i received. It is the first time i have properly opened up to anyone about my problem. I will read all of the literature which was given to me. See you next week |
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| Reply from GA | |||||
| Hi Cameron, thanks for the quick message. I'm glad you took something from the meeting and glad to hear you're going back. | |||||
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| No | Name of Contributor | Date Message Left | |||
| 354 | Mick | 02 February 2010 | |||
| Message Left | |||||
| Hi, I'd just like to thank everyone who has put a story up on here. I've read them all and I've identified with a lot of what people have said. You've helped one compulsive gambler stay gamble free. Thank you.
Thinking about this... it's only fair I share my story with you. I was 18 when I started gambling and over the years my compulsions got worse. I used to go into the bookmakers with a few pounds. Lose. Run to the cash machine and withdraw a large amount. Return to the bookmaker. Lose. Return to the cash machine this time with feelings of panic and guilt. Withdraw more money. Lose. This would go on until the bookies either shut or I ran out of money. 99 times out of 100 is was the latter. For years I gambled away every penny I ever had. I stole from my parents, friends and other family members. I was well and truly hooked. I started Uni briefly in 1995 - long enough to get my student loan. Instead of going to lectures I would walk the city streets from bookie to bookie with money in my pocket that I couldn’t afford to lose, placing large bets on horses and dogs. Once the loan was gone, I applied for overdrafts and credit cards. Banks didn’t hesitate in giving me credit. I was only 18 but I was thousands upon thousands of pounds in debt. I was in debt crisis. I started drinking heavily around this time to numb my losses but that’s another story. I ended up dropping out of Uni. With no job and no income and my parents giving up on me I moved out. I was homeless for a number of years, I didn’t sleep rough very often but I moved from floor to floor around my ever diminishing circle of friends. Each friend would welcome me but after a month or two with no rent and me sitting around making the place look untidy it would be suggested that I move out. I got a job at the end on 2001 and stopped gambling for a short while. I was doing OK for but then the old urges began to return. Often drunk, I would be well known around the city bookmakers and Casino. I would often stay up all night either gambling or being so emotionally drained that I couldn’t sleep. I didn’t know where it would all end and to be truthful I didn’t really care. I drifted through the rest of 2001 moving from place to place. I was getting more and more ill physically as well as mentally. I thought about suicide every day. It all came to a head at the start of 2002. I wasn’t eating. My priority everyday was to gamble. I would go for days, sometimes even a whole week without eating or sleeping properly. I tended to pass out anywhere I could lay my head. Mentally and physically I was a very ill man. I didn’t feel any emotions around this time. The only time I felt happy was when I was gambling. Win or lose I was at my happiest in the bookies or Casino. I didn’t care about anyone. I would lie, cheat and scam off anyone who would listen to me. Towards the end I didn’t wash, brush my teeth, cut my hair or shave; all the basics that make you feel good about yourself went out of the window. When I did sleep I’d often wake up sweating after having nightmares. One of my few remaining friends was helping me at this time, giving me food and letting me sleep on the floor of his flat. What did I do to repay his kindness? Well, one day when he was at work I took anything of any value to the secondhand shop and pawn broker and accepted a fraction of what these items where worth. I will always remember the guy in the second hand shop gleefully telling me that he purchased at a quarter and sold at half. The joy! I didn’t care though, it wasn’t my stuff and anyway, when my friend came home he would have new furnishings I was going to win that much! Looking back on it now I was very delusional - I later discovered that this was a big part of the illness. After I lost all the money, I went back to the flat and attempted to commit suicide. This was the end, I was going to die. Luckily my friend came home and found the flat covered in blood and called an ambulance. What happened next? I spent 6 months in a secure hospital environment. My parents visited me in hospital and told me that I could come and stay with them when I left on two conditions, I didn’t steal off them and I didn’t gamble. I said I was determined to do neither. I started to get better mentally and physically but it took a lot of time. I’d put on weight and started to feel ‘normal’ again. Sitting writing this almost 8 years later… the desire to gamble will always be with me (ironically a gambling advert is on the television right now – something I fear for the next generation), it’s been a long road but with the help of GA, today I am a better man and it’s been worth it. I am married, I have a job and to me the biggest thing for me, I can fall asleep at night with a clear conscience something I couldn’t do for many years. Peace, Love & Empathy, Mick. |
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| Reply from GA | |||||
| Hi Mick, this has now appeared in our magazine. Thanks for your contribution. | |||||
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| No | Name of Contributor | Date Message Left | |||
| 352 | Mr Angry | 27 January 2010 | |||
| Message Left | |||||
| Please help me. I love doing a football coupen at the weekend. I study the stats, pick my treble or whatever, stake my £20 and relax watching the scores coming through the TV. If i win then great, if I lose then no big deal as I can afford to lose £20. I do not like the horses or dogs apart from the big races and then it is £2 each way etc. My weakness are these damn roulette machines in the bookies. Last night I lost £500 in 40 mins chasing constant losers and getting angrier and angrier. This is more than I would ever lose in a whole football season. I cannot leave them alone. During a 'bad session' the red mist comes down, nothing is important and I hate everyone. In the cold light of day I feel so useless and I hate myself. I want to cry. I have no friends who I can confide in. I am the laughing stock of the bookies when I shout at the machines. If I am not playing roulette I am a caring, loving husband and father and I am ashamed at running away to play roulette as I have so many positives in my life. I will not tell my wife as the hurt would be too much and she does not deserve it. This may sound like a really silly question but can I be cured of my roulette problem and carry on with the football or do i have to commit to total abstainance for success? I want to come to a meeting but am so embarrased and ashamed thanks for reading this |
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| Reply from GA | |||||
| Hi Mr Angry, you know something I relate so much to what you have written and it really takes me back 5 years. I loved fixed odds betting as well and really didn't believe I had a problem with gambling apart from those 'damn roulette machines'. I got into those early when they first came out around 2001 / 2002 and suddenly found myself playing those more than anything and forgetting everything else. Those eventually led me onto online gambling as the bookies were not open long enough for me to play as I needed to. That once more escalated my gambling as I was betting on plastic and well it's not real money. Once I got one large win it changed everything, because now I couldn't do my £10 football bet, because I'd won big and I needed to bet big to maintain the buzz. Eventually for me I spiralled into disaster between bookies roulette and online roulette. I didn't want to come to GA because I knew that meant abstinence so instead I tried to "get cured". I went to my doctor, went to Gamcare, spoke to physchologists and really believed that if I could just only get back to sports betting I could again gamble normally. Now that may work for you, however, it never worked for me, I could stay away for a few days, a week, when I had no money, but I could not make it stick. I suffered a mental obsession that meant after a period of time I would go back, and once back in front of that machine I could not stop again and I'd stand there until broke ...... again. After trying everything apart from GA for 6 month I had to concede that I could not do this my way, it was not working and eventually I came to GA. Coming to GA I knew that meant abstinence, and I knew that meant the end of my football coupons. Today after a few years away from gambling I don't miss that now, I can watch and enjoy football, golf, Formula 1 etc, for the spectacle it is and not the bet I had on it. Can you be cured of roulette machines ...... perhaps. Maybe some sort of councelling will help you. If you're like me though and suffer the same mental insidious illness I suffer from then probably not and the only way for people like me is complete abstinence. Finally, your embarrasment and guilt is very normal and we all feel like that, but I found in GA I am amongst people that when I talk about how it was for me they nod and accept, versus outside where people shake their head and look in shock because they do not know what it's like to be me. I hope that helps a little Mr Angry. Why not come to a meeting and give it a try. The worst that can happen is you hate it and decide not to come back. But it may just turn your life around. |
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| No | Name of Contributor | Date Message Left | |||
| 351 | JOHN | 18 January 2010 | |||
| Message Left | |||||
| HI MY NAME IS JOHN AND REALISED THAT I HAD GAMBLING PROBLEM FROM A VERY YOUNG AGE BUT COULDN'T ACCEPT THAT GAMBLING WAS RUNNING EVERYTHING I DONE TO WHAT I EATEN WHEN I EATEN AND CONTROLLED MY FULL EMOTIONS. I THOUGHT THE ONLY TIME I WAS HAPPY IS WHEN I WAS GAMBLING BUT GOING TO MEETINGS A I HAVE ACCEPT AFTER 11 YEARS THAT GAMLING ONLY MAKES MY LIFE A MISERY. I STAYED WITH MY PARENTS AND THE ONLY DEBT I HAD WAS MY DIG MONEY BUT I COULD NEVER EVEN COULD AFFORD TO PAY THAT CAUSE EVERYTHING I HAD WENT ON GAMBLING.I MOVED OUT WITH PARENTS TO TRY AND MAKE A START FOR MYSELF IN LIFE SO I GOT MY OWN FLAT AND THOUGHT THAT WOULD MAKE A CHANGE IN MY LIFE I HAD RESPONSIBILITIES THEN TO PAY FOR THINGS. I THOUGHT I WAS DOING WELL BUT DEEP DOWN I WAS KIDDING MYSELF ON I WAS PAYING MY BILLS BUT THATS ALL I NEVER CREATED A LIFE FOR MYSELY I HAD A PARTNER AND ANY TIME I HAD A CHANCE I WOULD MAKE ANY EXCUSE TO GO FOR A BET I WAS A SECRET GAMBLER I USED TO HIDE GOING INTO BOOKIES SO NO ONE COULD SEE ME CRAZY I THOUGHT I WAS INVINCIBLE. THE GAMBLING JUST GOT MORE A COMFORT TO ME I FELT AT HOME WHEN I WAS STANDING IN A BOOKIES. I DONE CRAZY THINGS TO GET MONEY TO GO GAMBLING EVEN THOUGHT TAKING CREDIT CARDS AND LOANS WOULD GET ME OUT OF TROBLE BUT IT ONLY MADE THINGS WORSE I WAS JUST FEEDING MY ADDICTION THAT I AM STILL PAYING THE DEBT TO THIS DAY. THE WORST THING I EVER HAD DONE WAS GET INVOLVED WITH A COMPANY CALLED LOG BOOK LOANS I BORROWED £900 AND HAD TO PAY THEM BACK £3000 TO THEM. THATS JUST A BASIC SMALL STORY ABOUT MY LIFE WHEN I WAS GAMBLING. TODAY IN MY LIFE THAT I WAS CHASSING THROUGH GAMBLING I HAVE BRILLIANT WIFE WHO PUT UP WITH ALL THAT THROUGH WHEN I WAS GAMBLING AND I GOT ASKED IF IT WAS REVERSE ROLES WOULD I HAVE PUT UP WITH THE GAMBLING IF THEY HAD PROBLEM I WOULD HAVE GOT OUT THE RELATIONSHIP A LONG TIME AGO SO IM A VERY GRATEFUL PERSON. AS I SAY I HAVE BEEN GOING TO GA FOR 11 YEARS AND ONLY ACCEPTED RECENTLY GAMBLING HAD ME BEAT I HAD A CHOICE TO MAKE KEEP GAMBLING AND BE LONELY OR STOP GAMBLING AND HAVE A HAPPY LIFE ALL I THOUGHT I GAMBLED FOR WAS TO BE HAPPY AND HAVE MONEY AND TODAY I HAVE LOT OF DEBT BUT IM STILL HAPPY THATS ALL IM LOOKING FOR. MY NAME IS JOHN AND HAVENT GAMBLED FOR FEW MONTHS BUT I DONT NEED TO HIDE ANYTHING ANYMORE MY LIFE IS ONLY GOING TO GO FORWARD I DONT NEED TO RUN JUST FACE UP TO THINGS NOW. HAVE A GAMBLING FREE DAY THANKS | |||||
| Reply from GA | |||||
| Hi John, this has now appeared in our magazine. Thanks for your contribution. | |||||
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| No | Name of Contributor | Date Message Left | |||
| 350 | Anonymous62 | 16 January 2010 | |||
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| What I am writing here is coming straight from my mind, my thoughts or memories, if you like. Thoughts of myself from a long long time ago when innocence was a virtue unknown but owned by the kid I was. I did, like most kids, naughty things, not evil or nasty things just the sort of things that kids would get chastised for. The sort of things that are supposed to be learned from. I grew from an infant in a working class family to a juvenile still in a working class family on the south side of working class Glasgow. I loved my mother and my brother just like every other kid around. My father was a different story. He worked hard and provided but thats where his commitment to 'family' ended, right there, nothing more and nothing less. He wasn't much of a father in truth and he was even less of a husband to my mother. It was the sixties and men in those days generally done whatever they liked, they could, so they did. I tend to think men are better role models nowadays, well, to my mind men are more involved within the family unit today, for the better I think. Where am I going with this I hear you thinking. Well, I might be looking for the origins of my faults but maybe I'm just passing the time and sharing my quiet half hour, who knows? I have done some ridiculous things to enable myself to gamble, to fund my habit, to feed the monster that took me to the brink of insanity. The same kid who knew right from wrong grew to know of terrible wrongs and even committed some. There is 'wrong' and there is 'illegal' I've done them both and, maybe, fortunately I've never been caught to any extent where I've paid a heavy price, unless you count the torture I put myself through with my gambling. Anyway, back to my father, he taught me that life could lived without emotions, he probably wasn't aware of his teachings to be honest but thats one of the few things I gained from our 'father/son' relationship. Sad really. I never ever heard my father say "I love you, son" it just wasn't the done thing. I wish he had. He's dead now and he never did manage to say it. I grew up without a fathers love and its something that I really believe is so very important to a give any child a decent chance in life. I'm not saying that any kid who is being brought up by a single mother is missing out but in a family unit where the father is present and HE shows no love I believe it is extremely detrimental to the kids upbringing. Some single mothers do a fantastic job in very tough circumstances, in a similar sort of way my own mother done a good job - only one of her sons wandered into the misery of compulsive gambling, the other is pretty successful in business and a great father to his kids. When I started gambling it was fun and I enjoyed it. It wasn't fun for very long though because very soon I was 'hooked' on the buzz of chasing a winner, the high of easy money. It wasn't too long before I learned that I was getting into something that might take more money than I had. I've been a compulsive gambler since the age of 18 and that wasn't yesterday !!!! I had a few dead end jobs when I was young they were not good paying and certainly not needing much effort so I rarely had much money but what I did have went on gambling. So, nights out were few and far between and when I did get out I inevitably had to borrow go. A night out with the boys usually ended with me skint and not being able to contribute to the taxi fare home so my mates started having nights out without me - probably on the basis that I seldom had enough money to do the things that they were doing and that meant that I would have to 'ponce' from them. I hardly had any emotional understanding that would allow me to look in the mirror and feel some shame or embarrassment for what I had become. A good father would take a son aside and show him the errors of his ways or at least be there when things started going wrong - not mine. I am not looking to blame my father for anything other than his outrageous failings as a role model. I felt nothing when I was gambling (winning or losing) about my reputation among others I was emotionless! This is me 'Like it or lump it' was my attitude. Heaven help any girl that married me! I went on to meet a great girl and we had a family - this part is intentionally being kept brief to highlight my emotional state as a husband and a father - I was rubbish at both. I had grown up into my father!! I was slightly better at telling my kids that I loved them - because I did and still do, intensely. My life for years after discovering gambling was an emotional disaster zone and everyone who had anything to do with me was affected, how badly only time will tell. I drank too much and I played away too much and I gambled far too much. I had no comprehension of what being a responsible husband, father, brother, son or friend really should be, I was garbage at being a decent human being. I was an emotionless THING ! Its almost irrelevent that the things I done to gamble put my liberty at risk and put my kids welfare at risk too. I thought nothing of gambling too much, always in the hope that I could get more money somewhere else, I believed I could but it never always panned out that way. I was a catastrophe on legs. I had nightmares about how to pay bills and creditors who would soon be calling at my door. Was there any way out of this mess? I asked time after time. I have no idea where GA came from but one night I found myself at a meeting and very soon I cleared the mess. I stopped gambling. I took my kids to parks, carnivals, birthday parties, I took my kids to places my father never took me. I loved my kids and I showed them that I loved them. I got far more out of 'giving them' than they ever did from me. For a some years I was a father and a husband, a decent bloke. I had a spring in my step and I had cleared up my troubles simply by doing what I had learned in GA. I looked back at my life and wondered how I had become what I had been. I was so grateful to GA that I could never imagine my life away from it. I was never going to leave GA, no matter what !!! I had heard many many times that if you dont get to meetings you would let your guard down, eventually. I wouldn't hear a word of it, not me, I'm not for leaving! For me it was a long time but to GA I was only through the door....... I decided I could give this life of mine a go on my own. Although the abstaining from gambling lasted for a short time my mind was wondering to "what if...." I was heading back to a bookies and straight back to the madness that had almost driven me insane. If that period out of GA taught me anything it taught me to get straight back if I ever have a fall again. I am back in GA today and my kids are grown up now but I still tell them that I love them. My wife got wise, she got the house!! We are still great friends - she understands me though and wishes me well. She often reminds me of those walks in the park with the kids that first time in GA and we can talk of our regrets due to my gambling but its all in the past now and I have been gambling free for a wee while. My father? Well, he never did tell me he loved me and thats something my kids will never regret. I wish you all a gambling free tomorrow and to my kids..... "I love you" xxx | |||||
| Reply from GA | |||||
| Hi Anonymous62, this has now appeared in our magazine. Thanks for your contribution. | |||||
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| No | Name of Contributor | Date Message Left | |||
| 349 | Mike | 15 January 2010 | |||
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| Thanks to GA I have now been gambling free for almost 2 years. When I came through the door I was well and truly beaten, I lost my marrage, my house, my self respect and almost my job. My life was totally unmanageable, I was making myself ill trying to cope with the debt, the lies, arguments, lack of sleep etc. I was a total mess but my gambling head still thought that I could sort it all out myself.
I was left with nothing because of gambling, I suffered from depression and attended a psycologist as I could not cope. The psycologist did help in some ways but it was GA that put me back on the road to recovery. The reason I write today is that as life gets better and the worries and the problems start to reduce, it can become very easy to forget the extent of the misery my gambling addiction caused and just how terrible the feelings were during that time. Like many others, Christmas was a time where I spent too much money, on top of that I bought myself a laptop in the January sales on the strength of getting paid money which was due to me (yes, stupid thing to do). The money did not get paid and I thought I was now in trouble as I would not have enough money to last until pay day. What has this to do with gambling you may ask, well the feelings of having no money available, hoping something would “turn up” having to borrow money, and in my case not having the courage to log into my bank to face the financial reality brought back all the same feelings I had when gambling. I felt I had lost control. This experience reminds me what it was like every single day when I was gambling and I have gained from this experience. On the positive side, because I try to be honest with those closest to me, I discussed my money worries. They were happy to help if needed and only at this point did I face up to looking at my bank account to see what the damage was. Guess what, there was money there that I did not know about, so all this anxiety was caused by me running away and not dealing with reality. Looking back now I realise that I was able to buy decent presents for people this year, treated myself and had a really good time, had I been gambling none of this would have been possible. Yes, I am looking forward to my pay in January but so is most people, I seem to be in the real world again. |
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| Reply from GA | |||||
| Hi Mike, this has now appeared in our magazine. Thanks for your contribution. | |||||
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| No | Name of Contributor | Date Message Left | |||
| 348 | Anonymous62 | 15 January 2010 | |||
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| WASTED !!!!!!
I wasted many years of my life and I wasted many years of the lives of those dear to me and it was purely down to my gambling. I knew for a long long time that I had a major problem with my gambling and I even knew that GA could help me but I could never actually put my thinking into action and get to the meetings. I think that I seen attending GA meetings as me giving up my only real pleasure in life because if I went to GA that would mean the end of my punting and then I'd have a life with nothing in it........ I never for a single minute thought that by giving up gambling and attending GA my life would actually get better. I just thought if I gave up gambling I'd have no pleasurable passtime at all - I loved and hated gambling in equal measures depending on my financial state at the end of my gambling day. I knew what I was doing was making me crazy and irrational, grumpy and selfish, angry and frustrated yet through all these mad periods I still felt this was my only pleasure in life and giving it up would make my life more miserable. Of course I was wrong but the gambling had such a grip of my mind that I couldn't make clear positive decisions. I certainly wasn't going to make a decision that meant 'no more gambling' even though I knew it was a decision that, one day, I would absolutely have to make..... but I could always convince myself that I could postpone that 'one day' for another time, for another day, maybe next week, maybe after my next bad day, maybe tomorrow!!! Why couldn't I just give in and give up? Afterall, this gambling was out of control and my life was a shambles, mentally. I was wasting my days by gambling and my days were every day, every day of every week and I hated it when I was gambling more money every day than I had intended. When I was in the middle of another bad day I'd wallow in self pity and would regularly say, into myself, "this is crazy, I must stop, I must go to GA"........... but I kept putting it off till tomorrow. Its almost funny how so many compulsive gamblers have the very same way of thinking - the wrong way !!! If I had only found my way to GA earlier my life, and the lives of my family members, would have been so much better because GA simply makes our lives easier to live. It made my life less stressful, slower and far more peaceful. It costs me nothing and gives me so much. I dont really have the proper words that can describe the difference in my life today compared to the life of gambling that I have left behind...... but my life is simply better. I wasted peoples lives and hurt people without realising it but today I am aware of what I done in the past and its a pleasure to have the chance to make amends to those I love and its a chance I am taking. I thought gambling was my only pleasure in life and in reality it was denying me ANY pleasures at all. Today I didn't gamble and today I have hope, gratitude and honesty in my life due to the fellowship of GA. I thank everyone in the rooms for simply being there and sharing their experiences. I found it easy to stop gambling because of GA, some people find it tougher than others but for me it was easy. I hope anyone who is still in the grip of the gambling madness finds GA and finds a better life just like I have because I was literally wasting my life due to my compulsive gambling habit. Today I am happy. |
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| Reply from GA | |||||
| Hi Anonymous, your artivle has now been published in the magazine so releasing it online. Thanks so much for your contributions lately. | |||||
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| No | Name of Contributor | Date Message Left | |||
| 347 | Emma | 11 January 2010 | |||
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| I started gambling about 2 years ago. I've been in an abusive relationship with my daughters Dad and it was my way of escaping. I also suffered severe mental abuse as a child and it got me away from my emotions and anger for a while. I am only 21. He bet on the football so I asked him if he could show me how to bet on the horses. It became once a week thing untill I got to grips with how the odds work then the trouble started I was HOOKED. I am only on income support and I have resorted to stealing things and selling anything in my house from my seats to lamps and washing machines to make up for the money I have lost due to gambling. Today I have just sold my brand new mobile phone for a measely £20.00 because I lost £70.00 last week on the horses. I gave up going into the shops but I sit up untill all the hours watching american racing and doing it online or by telphone. I need HELP as I cant afford to sell any more possesions for peanuts. I feel helpless. |
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| Reply from GA | |||||
| Hi Emma. Thanks for finding the courage the share with us and reach out for help. In GA we are male and female, from all walks of life, employed, students, business owners and unemployed and of course during our gambling lives we have all lost various amounts of money. We have also all lost one thing that is so much more important than money and that is our self respect and it sounds as though that's where you are now. GA can help you. You can simply turn up to a meeting. There are some tonight (Tuesday) in the East and the West or if you prefer you can call the helpline on the website and speak to someone first. Don't worry the person you will speak to has done the same things and has been through the same feelings are you are going through right now. If you prefer the person who answers can also put you onto a female to speak with. Please consider coming to a meeting or calling. You will be met by people who know exactly what it's like to be you. |
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| No | Name of Contributor | Date Message Left | |||
| 346 | Anonymous62 | 08 January 2010 | |||
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| Two men met away back in the 50's, big deal, so what? What effect does that have on me today, 60 years later? It has so much to do with me today that it could take ten editions of the new life to catalogue them all but I will talk about just a few of the things that these two men have given me today. Sanity, sanity restored, even if its only a degree of sanity its a degree of sanity that I meandered through my life without, until the 'two mens' legacy came into my life. Peace of mind, they restored some of that too. In fact I never realised how peaceful my life could be with the modicum of peace of mind that I have today, again I have that solely down to what the 'two men' left me. Acceptance, I accept today that I have an illness. I accept that I can live my life without gambling being in it. I also accept that my way is not always right, actually, my way was usually wrong. They left me those teachings too. Compassion, the 'two men' brought compassion into my life in a way that I could never have imagined. I feel for others today and I am happy to hear a friends problems - if I can help I shall. And I shall, happily. Emotions, I was an emotional bankrupt before I got to GA. Today I can cry with happiness and I can cry through sadness, I can show feelings that were alien to me because as a Glaswegian man 'crying' was a no no !!! I enjoy emotions today because they are not bad things to have - you see, most 'normal' people have emotions and I am hoping to be a member of 'normality'....... although I shall always be a compulsive gambler it doesn't mean I cant achieve a semblance of 'normality' in my life again. So the 'two men' left me the chance to have a 'normal' life. For those few things I thank them both. The 'two men' who met in the 50's and shared their experiences, probably could never have imagined how many lives they were to save in the decades to follow their chance meeting. So, by following their example maybe you and I can do a little to carry their legacy to the fellow compulsive gambler who finds his or her way into our rooms. Help someone else towards a better life by simply getting along to another meeting and carrying the message. Its a message that needs to be told and along with me YOU can tell it. And if today you dont feel you can tell it then come along and listen to it....... maybe tomorrow you can tell it to someone who wasn't at todays meeting. I wasn't at THAT chance meeting all those years ago but I was at a meeting today - and today the message is still the same. I had a miserable life while I was gambling and today I have a far better life...... isn't that a great message. |
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| Reply from GA | |||||
| Hi Anonymous, your artivle has now been published in the magazine so releasing it online. Thanks so much for your contributions lately. | |||||
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| No | Name of Contributor | Date Message Left | |||
| 345 | Anonymous62 | 03 January 2010 | |||
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| I was thinking about the changes that have come into my life since I stopped gambling some days ago, for me those days are many yet I hope for another tomorrow, I really need tomorrow to be gambling free. With the help of GA I have the chance to live a life filled with hope and lots of happiness. Not the kind of 'happiness' that comes from living on a tropical island and sipping champagne all day....... more of a 'peace of mind' kind of happiness, the sort of happiness that you see in most 'normal' people - people who dont gamble their way to misery and torture day after day. Anyway, back to my changes! I changed from an 'every day gambler' to a guy who went to work and attended GA meetings regularly, I think the 'regularly' bit is pretty important, well it is for me. I realised almost immediately that the gambling had turned me into a socially unacceptable excuse for a member of society but probably more importantly my early meetings made me realise that I could be a better person, made me realise that there was more to my life than gambling and working to fund this crazy 'habit'. Thats what I thought it was 'a habit' just a bad habit. I'm quite glad that my problem is recognised as an 'illness' within the GA rooms because it helps me understand why I kept gambling whilst regularly questioning my inteligence and asking myself why I couldn't just stop it. I now believe that I couldn't just stop gambling because I have an incurable illness, an emotional illness. I got the chance to look at my life objectively and I was told if I wanted to rid myself of the garbage that was in my life I only had to come along to some GA meetings and try my best to do the right things. Things that I would hear about in all the meetings. Things that are incredibly easy to do if I am not gambling - but I had to change the person I was, the gambling person that I was had to go !! Wouldn't the world be a great place if everyone went around being nice to everyone else? Probably, but thats not the way its going to be. There has to be an element of our society who are only interested in themselves and out for whatever is in it for them.......... I know because I was part of that element not so long ago. I dont want to paint a picture of a goody two shoes character but please believe me when I say society is a bit better while I am in GA. Not because I was a big time rogue or that I went around robbing old ladies but if there was a scam going I'd be looking to be part of it. Today, in GA, I wouldn't have anything to do with scams or anything so underhanded that I could attract the attention of the law. I simply dont have to get involved because all the extra cash generated from my 'activities' ended up in the bookies or the casino tills. So there goes another change, I dont get involved so I dont have the worry of getting caught. I dont even have any contact with my 'associates' from my gambling days anymore, I dont think they even missed me, freinds, eh? Christmas has just passed and I enjoyed it, I even enjoyed the New Year celebrations, I didn't much care for weddings, christenings, birthdays or even funerals, now that might not seem like such a startling statement but until I became a member of GA I had not the slightest interest in celebrating 'anything' because these celebrations usually meant that they would get in the way of my gambling....... and that was a massive inconvenience !! I changed and began to enjoy the normal things in life, again that was down to GA. I dont aim to promote GA as some sort of great life changing organisation...... but to be perfectly honest, for me IT WAS !!! I wanted to stop gambling so badly that I had nowhere else to turn. I had tried stopping on my own without any success - and not just once. I believe, for me, to really be successful in GA I had to change many of my character traits, traits that I thought made me an 'ok kinda guy' but in reality were totally unacceptable. I was selfish, dis-honest, cheeky, unreliable, judgemental, suspicious, the list goes on but today I am working on all of these defects of character and I think I am a better person for that, its a pretty hard job though but I am trying my best and I am improving but improvement wouldn't have taken much. I have tried to point out that if I had not changed the person I was when I came through the doors of GA then I wouldn't have the life I have today. I have a good life today, I have peace of mind and I dont want to gamble........ now, theres three things that have changed. |
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| Reply from GA | |||||
| Hi Anonymous, your artivle has now been published in the magazine so releasing it online. Thanks so much for your contributions lately. | |||||
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| No | Name of Contributor | Date Message Left | |||
| 343 | william cambuslang | 27 December 2009 | |||
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| Having tried to stop my addition to compulsive gambling I have discovered GAs help and guidance is the only thing thats working. It's been a year and a half since I walked in to a metting in partick town hall and asked GA to help me a broken sad gambler to help me stop gambling destroying me any more I've not had a bet of any kind since that day. GA is a very powerfull and helpfull force if you realy wont to stop gambling ruining any more of youre life. Thanks GA from a life long compulsive gambler | |||||
| Reply from GA | |||||
| Hi William, thanks for your contribution and message of hope. Your article has now appeared in the magazine. | |||||
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| No | Name of Contributor | Date Message Left | |||
| 342 | Ben | 26 December 2009 | |||
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| I am a binge gambler. I don't gamble all the time in fact I go weeks without gambling but every once in a while I go beserk and gamble all my wordly money. Once I have done this a feeling of remorse comes over me that I have wasted so much money. Then a panic sets in when I realise I don't actually have any money until my next pay day so I go and get finance from somewhere. This has been happening on and off for the last 12 years and thats how I have arrived here today as a 31 year old man with a gambling problem.
Yesterday (Xmas Day!) I gambled £1000 online and today I told my wife everything. Naturally she was very upset at finding out her husband has debts of £37k and that the man she thought she knew had a dark little secret. I hope she will stand by me and help me through my problem but I would completely understand if she left. I am travelling to my parents house tomorrow to sit them down and tell them as well. I feel I owe it to my parents who have been so supportive in my life to be honest with them. Enough of the lies. I have found reading the stories on here very comforting in knowing that there is help and people can come through these dark days. I live in the Livingston area and I hope to get along to the meeting in 2 weeks time (unfortunately I'm not around next Thursday). My pain has been confounded by realising the hurt I have caused to those that love me most. While you can spend a lot of time steeped in self loathing it is the look of a loved one trying to understand why you have just wasted £1000 that is hard to stomach. Today I aim to right the wrongs and to stop gambling. One day at a time (see learning already!!) |
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| Reply from GA | |||||
| Hi Ben, your story is not so uncommon, in fact there are several guys I can think of who binge gambled. I used to attend the Livingston meeting myself for 2 years and I know a lot of the people there. If you like I can put you in touch with someone before you can get to a meeting. If you want email me at webmaster@gascotland.org and I'll put you in touch with someone. Many of the guys who go to Livingston also go to to Blackburn meeting on a Monday if you fancy that. Drop mean email if want me to put you in touch with someone, either via email or a phone call it's no problem. |
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| No | Name of Contributor | Date Message Left | |||
| 341 | Phred | 15 December 2009 | |||
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| The first thing I read on here was 'Just for today' and think I recognised someone I used to be. I've gambled now for almost 40 years and, most of the time, thought I had it under control. Yes, there were times I lost the lot but put it down to laziness, on my part, regarding form study and chasing losses while under the influence of drink. I was a good loser. Someone told me that and I took it as a compliment. Then along came betting exchanges. I resisted getting involved with them at first then bought a p c and finished up betting 24 hours a day...................................... | |||||
| Reply from GA | |||||
| Hi Phred, yes, there were times I told myself all the same things. Deep down I knew it wasn't under control but you know what, I never wanted to admit that. I never wanted to admit that something had me beat. As I chased then more often than not I would "lose the lot" and finally as I like you progressed to internet gambling I just could not stop. I gambling until everything was gone everytime. Sometimes I managed to collect but back then (5 years ago) it took a few days to get back to the account and at any point the transaction could be reversed. More often than not I'd reverse any win before it hit my account and lose it waiting for the monthly bonuses from my chosen online site, to try and make my next fortune. All I can say today Phred, is thanks to GA, the recovery programme, hard work, honesty and a wonderful wife my life is not like this any longer and Just For Today I will not gamble and try to be a better person. Come along, give it a try. If you're sick of being sick with gambling then we can help. |
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| No | Name of Contributor | Date Message Left | |||
| 340 | Colin B - Oxgangs Saturday | 15 December 2009 | |||
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| I think it was back in August 2007 when I first attended GA at Oxgangs in Edinburgh. It was the most frightning thing i have ever done, i remember sitting outside thinking..... do i realy want to go in there, ( thinking it was full of down and outs) to my surprise it was full of normal people just like myself. i have never felt so welcome anywhere like i did at GA. to be honest i was there about 7 months, this was about the time i thought i was ok, i thought i could beat this by myself, i would sit there i think to myself i am not like the rest of them, after about 9 months away was i wrong. i now realise how much i do need GA, i have now gone back to GA at oxgangs, and this time i am hear to stay, it has taken a long time, but i now realise that i nead GA. to be honest this is my last chance if i want to save my marriage, as we are now coming into a new year i am looking forward to this, with big hopes of gambling free. i would just like to thank all GA members at oxgangs for welcoming myself back, and support they give to each other, i would like to wish all GA memebers and their families a merry christmas and a happy new year. | |||||
| Reply from GA | |||||
| Hi Colin, thanks for your article, it's now been published in the mag. | |||||
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| No | Name of Contributor | Date Message Left | |||
| 339 | Anonymous62 | 14 December 2009 | |||
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| I read some things recently that helped me believe in GA and how it works.
It was nothing more than some little snippets from comments made in other literature that I was glancing through but each snippet, in some way, touched me and helped me realise that I need to be in GA if I want a better life than the one in which I gambled my way into hell on earth.
I read that perseverence and success isn't born out of good times but comes from having been through the hard and difficult times. When I thought about that little sentance it was very simple to understand. I had gambled and created hard times for myself but without having created these hard times I might never be able to understand what 'good times' are. Well, thats how I understood it. Trust in this fellowship and contentment, peace of mind and joy will come to you..... of that there is no doubt. When most of us came through the doors of GA we came with distress and turmoil in our lives and many came with no hope. We came looking for almost 'any' way that might get us through all this unhappiness and despair. We were told that if we could learn to change then our lives would improve. So is it miraculous that when we do as is suggested that our lives get better? I dont think so because there are many fine examples of others who have made the changes and they have shown us, told us, how they changed and we are told of the great lives they have today................... the miraculous thing is that we actually find the strength to try to change. Afterall, I tried many times to change before I got to GA and failed but in GA it seems to be a suggestion that many attempt. Its also a bit easier to attempt these changes if we bring honesty into our lives. I try to talk of the life I have today as opposed to the life I had while I was out there gambling because to look back to those dark days has nothing for me but I sometimes have to remind myself of where I've come from and how bad it was but I much prefer to smile at the difference from then to today....... today I didn't gamble. And today was a fun. When I came to GA I was broke. I still had some money but I was broke 'emotionally'. Only after getting through the doors of GA did I come to realise that I had no concept of happiness, contentment or peace of mind. I had no great comunication with other human beings - I was the stereotypical loner, gambler, loser in lifes society. Today I have real feelings for those around me and I have the peace of mind to enjoy the simple things of everyday living. Instead of looking for the worst in people I look to help instead of criticising. It sometimes helps just to say "hello, how are you"? During my gambling days everything in my life was a 'risk', everything. Risks? There are no risks in GA, none at all........ well, none that I know of. I hope you all get the happiness offered by GA and I wish you all a gambling free year. Todat was good. |
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| Reply from GA | |||||
| Hi Anon62, your article has now been published in the magazine so I am releasing it. Thanks for this and your many other contributions | |||||
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| No | Name of Contributor | Date Message Left | |||
| 337 | Kirsty | 10 December 2009 | |||
| Message Left | |||||
| I HAVE BEEN GAMBLING FOR THE LAST 5 OR 6 YEARS NOW AND ITS JUST BECOMING A REALLY BAD HABBIT NOW. EVERY TIME I GO PAST ANY OF THE GAMBLING SHOPS I CANT RESIST BUT TO GO IN AND HAVE A SHOT. I AM IN THERE ALL DAY AND NITE UNTILL MY MONEY IS DONE AND THEN I GO AND BORROW MONEY AND GO IN AGAIN. CAN YOU PLEASE HELP ME. THANK YOU .......... | |||||
| Reply from GA | |||||
| Hi Kirsty, powerless over gambling. Admission of the fact that gambling has us beat is indeed the first step. I too used to go into bookies just for a few minutes, whilst nipping for milk. Your story was all too often my story, minutes turned into hours, or until the money was gone. Through attending meetings and working the GA Programme of Recovery I have now been gambling free for over 5 years. And if I can do it , then so can you. Why not find your nearest meeting and go along. Give it a try, your life certainly won't get any worse. |
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| No | Name of Contributor | Date Message Left | |||
| 336 | Anonymous62 | 08 December 2009 | |||
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| TODAY I WORKED Let me start by telling you that today I had a pretty good day - not every day is good, some days are hard, but today was quite good. I managed to get to my work on time and I managed to do some work that had been on my mind for a few days but for one reason or another I never got round to it but today I got it done and I was pretty pleased with the outcome, even if I do say so myself. Well, the customer was pretty pleased too so its not just myself who's pleased. It took me about three hours, 9.30am till 12.30pm, not too demanding you might think but when I was gambling this simple 3 hour job might never have got done at all even though the customer had paid for it up front because gambling would have been more important so the customer would have been fobbed off with excuse after excuse as to why his job wasn't done. After 1pm I went to my local cafe where I sat and had lunch with another customer who was running through some designs and drawings, a kinda working lunch you might say but it was good to have the time to spend an hour with someone who wanted me to do some work for him..... a simple thing but something I hadn't had the time to do for several years due to my compulsive gambling. Lunch was over and I went back to work fully understanding what was required by the customer and fully aware that it was a job that would be delivered on time as promised because today I am not gambling. I have not gambled for while now - promises can be made and kept ! Oh, and by the way, I enjoyed my lunch and when I was gambling I couldn't say that very often. The afternoon was spent ordering materials and pricing some jobs - if I had been gambling my head would be so full of garbage that the materials would be ordered at the last minute and it would be down to pure chance if they'd arrive on time to do the work at all and as for pricing a job, well that would be a case of throwing some numbers up in the air and whatever numbers landed on the paper in front of me, well that was the price for the job. Not a very profesional way to operate but, as I said, if I was gambling that was the way of things. Home for 5.30pm, I wasn't very hungry so passed on dinner, had a shower, changed and made my way to a GA meeting after watching the tea time news. The meeting was great but in a funny sort of way the coffee was lousy. Funny because I could appreciate why I paid £1.50 for the coffee in the cafe where I had the lunch which I wouldn't have been able to afford if I had been gambling. You see, GA members can help me live a far better life without gambling but they just cant make good coffee......... but thats not such a bad thing is it? I have not gambled today because today I am a GA member and I am happy to get to my meetings...... afterall I am enjoying a great recovery (even if the coffee is rubbish) lol |
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| Reply from GA | |||||
| Thanks again Anonymous62, you should try Oxgangs Tuesday, coffee is ok there :-) | |||||
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| No | Name of Contributor | Date Message Left | |||
| 335 | Anonymous62 | 07 December 2009 | |||
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| MERRY XMAS ? I've managed to stay off a bet for wee while now and it fees great. If this appears before Xmas then I wish everyone a fabulous time and the simple gift which is peace of mind, contentment. And if it appears after Xmas then I hope you all had a great time and that simple gift. At this time of year many people are happily looking forward to the festivities and sharing the good times with family, freinds or even just a cheery nod to the postman. But there are others, the folk who are still actively gambling their way to destruction and can't see a way out of the total misery they find themselves in. Its hard for them to see any good at this time of year because they need money to meet the ever increasing cost of providing for Xmas and all that comes with it. They think they might find it in the next horse race or the next spin of the roulette wheel...... they never do. I know because I was that gambler not so long ago. The gambler who hated Xmas and hated celebrating anything that 'normal' guys celebrated, birthdays, weddings, anniversaries, re-unions...... anything!! So have a little thought for the gambler who, right now, is in the midst of his or her misery because this is not a good time for them and remember but for the grace of GA 'there go I'. Thats another day that I haven't gambled and I thank GA for that. Anonymous62 |
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| Reply from GA | |||||
| Hi Anonymous62, with the next edition of Scottish Life so far away I decided to put online. Thanks once again for your positive shares. | |||||
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| No | Name of Contributor | Date Message Left | |||
| 334 | Kerry | 04 December 2009 | |||
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| Hi my name is kerry. And i am a compulsive gambler. I guess it starting when i was 18 and i am now 21. One off my friends told me about a couple off online gambling sites i went on one and then the misery started there i keep telling myself the next time payday comes around do not go near the sites and gamble but once the money is in my bank its out off it the same day i can not stand the person i have become lying to friends and family it breaks my heart so thats why i am going to go to a meeting next week and try to get my life back on track and get myself out off debt and be able to enjoy life without gambling hanging over me for the rest off my life | |||||
| Reply from GA | |||||
| Hi Kerry, hopefully you got to a meeting and got some identification with someone just like you. There's also female meetings in Glasgow once per month. | |||||
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| No | Name of Contributor | Date Message Left | |||
| 333 | Kevin | 29 November 2009 | |||
| Message Left | |||||
| Hi there, I'm back to the old drawing board again, I say this because I first tried GA 10 years ago, went for about 6 weeks and thought I could do it on my own. I then spent 7 hellish years in which I hurt people close to me, lost jobs, started drinking on benders etc. I then went back to GA always knowing that was the answer because I used to try counsellors and that just so I didnt have to go to a meeting. I abstained from a bet for just under a few years and in this time I lost the woman and son that I love, I wondered why, because I thougth when I stopped gambling it would solve everything. I didn't realise it was an emotional illness. In the last 6 months I have lost my job and lost my car, struggling to pay for my house and I'm at the "I dont care about nothing" stage. I really need to get back to a meeting or it will be too late for me. I must make an effort and bite the bullet this week and throw in the towel once and for all. I'm at my lowest again which I never thought I would sink to. |
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| Reply from GA | |||||
| Hi Kevin, it's never too late to come back to GA, like the post a couple below, you will be welcomed back. That welcome will come from happy, smiling faces mostly. Not because they're all millionaires by not gambling but because they are happy and content in themselves and gambling is not destroying them or their loved ones today. Even when I first stopped gambling, I was still hurting my wife, still not doing the right things and still had the capability to be an idiot on any given day. GA showed me how to look at myself and TRY to be a better person. Gambling doesn't solve anything Kevin, it just creates more problems. Short term gain for long term pain. Hope to see you back sometime soon. |
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| No | Name of Contributor | Date Message Left | |||
| 332 | Embarrassed | 22 November 2009 | |||
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| I am 23 years old and my problem started at the age of 20. I understand that there is no rhyme of reason for the addiction but as I sit typing this I feel like I am better off out of anyone that may care about my life.
My parents found out about my problem when they found a pay in slip for a bank loan. Since then I have had to take out a trust deed and have been running with it successfully for a year and a half. The problem is recently I have started gambling again and I really dont know why. I haven't money to eat and I pretend I have lost my card so I can borrow money until my pay day. I need help, This is breaking my heart, I am not a bad person and day to day I put on a big front to mask this confused, uncontrollable person. I would also like to add that I am female, I did attend a GA meeting once but I felt too ashamed to return the following week. Please help |
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| Reply from GA | |||||
| Hi there, please don't feel ashamed. The feelings you have are perfectly normal of those seeking help through GA. There are also more and more females in our rooms than ever before. If you would prefer to speak to someone first then please email me at webmaster@gascotland.org and let me know your location. I can then put you in touch with a female who will email or call you and talk to you. We also have a female only meeting running although that's only in Glasgow just now once per month. We can help and we know how you feel. |
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| No | Name of Contributor | Date Message Left | |||
| 331 | Anonymous62 | 21 November 2009 | |||
| Message Left | |||||
| I think the Scottish Life is a great part of GA. It gives everyone a forum to share their thoughts with every other GA member..... even folk who are not GA members read the 'Life' and if they are anything like myself they'll love it. I go to the meetings but I haven't really mastered the art of 'sharing' just yet but I'm getting there a day at a time. I've been in the fellowship a few days and weeks now and I just wish I could say it was longer because its a truly miraculous thing that GA gives to us all, freedom. Freedom from the miserable existance that I, personally, thought was okay, acceptable, fine, no bad, awrite. Fine? Who on earth was I kidding? It was an utterly outrageous, selfish and unacceptable life I was leading and if I had carried on the same way much longer goodness only knows where I'd have ended up. I tried so many times to stop gambling on my own and had zero success, well thats not entirely true because I managed a week or two here and there over the last six or seven years but when I returned I gambled as if nothing else mattered in my life. I was off and running................ and faster than Usain Bolt. When I was gambling my life was a mess and it was a speedy mess - everything was racing at thousand miles an hour but today isn't quite so fast anymore because I have GA to show me how to live without gambling. If I take gambling out of my life then my life is really okay, acceptable, fine, no bad.... it really is. My life is so much better and its purely down to attending meetings, just attending and trying to do the things that I hear being advised by other members. If you are reading this and you are struggling then please ask someone at your next meeting what they think might help you. There are members who suffer in silence and if they dont talk then very often they suffer for longer than is necessary just because they are shy or feel a bit awkward about sharing their feelings. These members make their recovery that bit more difficult and, yes, eventually some of these members come out of their shell and go on to be an active part of a GA meeting and learn to lead a far better life but there must be some who suffer in silence and inevitably leave because the illness convinces them they dont need to talk. So I'd just ask everyone to look out for the quiet guy (or girl) sitting at the back of the room and encourage them to be part of this great fellowship, be freindly with them and help make them look forward to coming to their meeting - they just might need your help more than you think. So the next time you are at your meeting offer the hand of freindship to someone whom you dont usually spend that long talking to or dont go out of your way to ask 'how are you doing' and listen carefuly. Does this member need you more than he says? Who knows? GA works and it works because of people like you and me................. and that quiet member at the back. And even the guy at the front who likes the sound of his own voice is a great help to us in our recovery - he talks a lot of sense, doesn't he. What a great life I have today........ it really is 'awrite'. | |||||
| Reply from GA | |||||
| Hi Anon62, your article has now been published in the magazine so I am releasing it. Thanks for this and your many other contributions still to be published. | |||||
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| No | Name of Contributor | Date Message Left | |||
| 330 | Joe | 12 November 2009 | |||
| Message Left | |||||
| I went to GA a few years ago and was doing "ok". The problem was I thought I could still gamble normally after a period of time. I started to resent some things that seemed to me were getting repeated all the times at the meetings and thought I knew better. Well I think I have finally realised that I did not know better and I am feeling pretty teerible and worthless at the moment. I think for me its time to get back to the ga meetings to try and sort my life out. |
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| Reply from GA | |||||
| Hi Joe, please feel safe in the knowledge that you will be welcomed back into the meetings as though you had never been away. Your story is not new, some come back and the experiences I hear is it always got worse, only last night I heard someone who had 18 months free decided to go back thinking they could "control and enjoy their gambling" and within weeks the carnage was worse then ever. Throw yourself in there and we look forward to seeing you back. |
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| No | Name of Contributor | Date Message Left | |||
| 329 | john75 | 11 November 2009 | |||
| Message Left | |||||
| Hi, My name is John, I am 33 years old and I am a compulsive gambler. I started gambling online when I was 30 and someone asked me to put a bet on the grand national for them. I did not want to go to the bookies as I felt uncomfortable not really knowing what i was doing so opened an internet account. Since that day I have wasted everything I ever had on a compulsion I dont really understand. I mean I do not even like gambling as the fun stopped really quickly. I guess my story is the same as a lot of people who read these pages. Promises to yourself of a fresh start that so far has defeated me, lying and cheating those people who love you and feeling so disgusted with yourself you have thoughts that before all this never entered your head. I have a decent job and work 50 hours most weeks. Yet by the middle of the month I am unable to do anything as I have no money left. On many occasions I have taken advantage of those who love me and begged for help (on the promise I would get help and stop) I have been to meetings before and although I agreed with everything that was said I still went home and carried on with the vicious cycle. I guess I thought lying to complete strangers was easier than lying to family. I know I have wasted tens of thousands on this addiction but this no longer is the main issue for me. This addiction has changed the person I once was. The life I have is not the life I want nor is it a life worth living if I am honest. That is why I will go back to a meeting and this time with a 100% honesty try to beat this addiction. Good luck to anyone reading this with their own fight |
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| Reply from GA | |||||
| Hi John, thanks for finding the courage to share here. You know GA works for the compulsive gambler who wants to stop so I am glad to hear you are going to go back there. For those reading these pages considering GA, I really like the statement that it's not about the money any more. It's about the personal that complulsive gambling has made you. I only ever turned for help when I hated the person I'd become. Good luck. |
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| No | Name of Contributor | Date Message Left | |||
| 328 | Chris | 06 November 2009 | |||
| Message Left | |||||
| Hi, I am nearly nineteen and my problem with gambling has just taken of, I would get out of bed and go to the bookies for hours and would come home skint. I would also go to casinos at night with my friends only because I haven't got a job and was just bored I just cant help myself. I went to my first meeting yesterday and I hope that I can keep away from gambling. Do you think i can ?? | |||||
| Reply from GA | |||||
| Hi Chris, hope your first meeting went well. I think you can yes, assuming you listen to what's being said, make an effort for yourself and others, attend meetings, and really have a desire to stop. Well done on your first contribution. | |||||
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| No | Name of Contributor | Date Message Left | |||
| 327 | Craig | 04 November 2009 | |||
| Message Left | |||||
| Hi I tried GA, ha ha, 6 months or so ago. I say ha ha as I only ever went to one meeting. At the meeting I could connect with the stories being told but I left saying nope thats not for me. I lied to my wife and family that I had went to another couple of meetings but decided that it wasnt for me I could help myself.
6 Months later here I am wife and kids have left me and I have lost a second car and home through this. I have left my wife broken and feel thoroughly ashamed, I even went as far as running away saying to myself "I am a no gooder, they are better off without me". I need help this is for sure but one question still bugs me, why? I dont drink, smoke or take drugs so why Gamble? I have a good job and dont consider myself to be stupid, so again why do I gamble? I had a great family life and have now not only put myself into debt but also my family and friends, so again why? |
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| Reply from GA | |||||
| Hi Craig, unfortunately I cannot answer your question as to why. I often asked myself the same question in the beginning but the literature told me I suffered an emotional illness. I was told to think of it like Diabetes, I guess people with Diabetes also ask themselves why them. I took my medicine at two meetings a week identifying with others just like me and gaining hope from seeing their lives getting better. Hope that I could arrest my illness and be a normal person again, whatever that meant. I'm sure if you read some of my other responses you'll find I consider myself a lot like you, goo job, well educated, great family, but I done the same things, and hated the person gambling had made me. I gave GA a chance 5 years ago, and like you could have done a runner after the first meeting, but I gave it a chance, because I really really wanted to stop, anything up until that point would have been me doing it for someone else and not my self. Hope to see you back again. |
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| No | Name of Contributor | Date Message Left | |||
| 326 | Pat - Paisley | 29 October 2009 | |||
| Message Left | |||||
| Hi folks, just decided to drop a line. In GA for the second time. Came in march 2008 for 6 months after which I thought I could do it myself. How wrong I was. Been back now for 5 or 6 months now and I am doing very well attending 3meetings per week and really enjoying my GA now. My awareness is really high and it has to stay that way GA is always at the forefront of my mind. I really only came on to warn new and fairly new members not to make the same mistake as me and think we can do this ourselves as it is impossible. GA will only work if you want it to and only by attending meetings and talking will we be able to better our life. I will sign off by thanking GA but especially my many friends in Paisley Tuesday whom without the level of support I get I would not be able to do this thank you all very much. GA will be with me for the rest of my life and I know I am going to reap the benefits of this in future years. Bye for now pat. |
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| Reply from GA | |||||
| Hi Pat, article now published after appearing in Magazine. Thanks | |||||
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| No | Name of Contributor | Date Message Left | |||
| 325 | Anonymous | 28 October 2009 | |||
| Message Left | |||||
| Despite promising myself that I have turned a corner I have once again lied to the very people who trust me the most. It really is too easy to lie when you are trusted and it makes it all the more disgusting! I was jogging along spending only small manageable amounts when I came into some money as did other family members so they expect me to have it, or at least to account for what I did with it! If you are reading this you know where it went, I have gone to ridiculous lengths to cover my tracks and my adeptness at lying is repulsive to me so why do I keep doing this? I have won enough to bail myself out three times in the past week and never once hit the collect button! Even as I’m writing this I am thinking “so all I have to do is win and I’ll collect this time!” I am not a stupid person; I know that even if I win I don’t collect so why do I repeat this pattern over and over again. I like the relief that I feel when I have no money left, and no one left to charm an advance from. I stop periodically, mostly when other people are around or I am genuinely broke but I seem to have a complete impulse control problem. I can’t get to meetings without being missed, I can’t tell my family or I will be looking for alternate accommodation. I don’t know what to do! | |||||
| Reply from GA | |||||
| Hi. Compulsive Gambling turned me from quite a decent husband, son and father into a manipulative, deceitful, lying, cheating and incredibly selfish person. Unfortunately that statement I've heard lots over my 5 years gambling free. Like you I promised to myself and my family I wouldn't do it again, but I did, again and again. It was always going to be different but of course it never was, the outcome was always the same. I had lost the power to choose whether I was going to do this or not. Like you I had big wins, but today I realise no win for me would ever have been enough, if I won £100 I wanted £200, win £1000 I wanted £2000 and so on, pressing the collect button was a problem for me also and like you I was not a stupid person, in fact I have a degree in computer science yet I pitted my wits against a roulette machine. Today with a clear non gambling head I cannot believe myself how crazy that sounds. Like you I stopped periodically, mostly around family or away with loved ones, all it done was make me irritable as I craved my fix. I would like to try and give you some hope, and this is from me and collective from people in GA rooms I know. Some, but very few were deserted by their families for admitting their addiction to gambling and seeking help, mostly our loved ones stand by us and support us as best they can. Indeed most are thankful for an explanation to our behaviour. Many partners and parents think of things such as drugs, affairs, depression before they think of gambling. Gambling is the invisible addiction, because it is not substance based, you can't see it like drugs, you can't smell it like alcohol, it allows us to function correctly on the outside whilst killing us on the inside and we withdraw from others, from society and into ourselves. This is both my exsperience and the experience of many people I know in GA today, I hope that gives you the strength to talk to your loved ones about what's going on and seek help in GA. For your loved ones, GamAnon exists to support them understand what this gambling addiction is all about. I can tell you today that I am still with my wife who must have been so close to getting rid of me and I would never have blamed her, but she stood by me, told me she loved me and today we are as strong as we've ever been and that's only because I don't gamble. I hope that helps you. |
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| No | Name of Contributor | Date Message Left | |||
| 323 | Taxi Tommy - Blackburn Monday | 21 October 2009 | |||
| Message Left | |||||
| I wanted to write a poem on behalf of myself and partner Janette. This is totally out of the blue after meeting a lovely couple at the Perth convention Sandra and poet Paul. s Paul has had an article in every edition of the Scottish Life, a fine example to us all (come on procrastinaters get writing) Giving Back the convention it had them all women and men some tall some small but underneath we were all the same we all have suffered horrendus pain somehow we found the stregth in our life to promise our mother,father ,sons,daughters, brothers,sisters,husband or wife enough is enough i can take no more ive found the courage to walk through a ga or gam anon door everyone is at a differant stage every story has many a page alas the convention has come to an end thanks to all who made the effort to attend wonderful people forever our friends Tommy and Janette |
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| Reply from GA | |||||
| Hi Tommy, article now published after appearing in Magazine. Thanks | |||||
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| No | Name of Contributor | Date Message Left | |||
| 322 | Deano | 21 October 2009 | |||
| Message Left | |||||
| Hi I am an 18 year old boy with a good job clearing about 270 pounds a week, but theres 1 problem, I cant walk past a bookies door a puggie anything by the time the weekends come I'm always skint, can't have days away with mates can't spend good weekends away with my girlfriend. My biggest problem is the roulette in the bookies I never win even if I get up to 500 or 600 hundred in the bank I always blow it in no time. I just cant press that collect button. What is the way forward for me? Deano | |||||
| Reply from GA | |||||
| Hi Deano, I can't tell you the way forward, I can't tell you what you need to do. What I can tell is that compulsive gambling does not care about gender, status in life or indeed age. We have several people in our rooms in Oxgangs who are late teens into early twenties, and I'm sure those people exist across GA. One lad now back in East Kilbride is not much older than you with 3 years gambling free. I suffered like you with those roulette machines, couldn't collect, always skint and always blaming everyone else apart from me for it. GA can help you Deano, because when you gamble as recklessly as we gamble without care that is what makes us the same and not our age. Hope to see you sometime soon. |
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| No | Name of Contributor | Date Message Left | |||
| 321 | Junior - Cambuslang Friday | 19 October 2009 | |||
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| The Introduction of Gamblers Anonymous and how important it is to me. Gamblers anonymous, anonymous meaning only me and me alone has the right to break my anonymity, is a fellowship. Fellowship meaning a group of friends no matter what the gender, with the same reason for getting together the common bond in GA rooms is compulsive gambling, trying to help and encourage each other to abstain from gambling and hopefully enjoy a better way of life free from the bondage of compulsive gambling, in doing so I can only do this through my own experience strength and hope I can only share my life as a compulsive gambler and nobody else's. The only requirement is a desire to stop gambling also mention in step 3 in the unity program, as you will see I have underlined only, there is nothing else added at this point that tells nor advises that the new member has to adapt nor adhere to any other part of the GA program. There are no dues or fees for GA membership, something that is free no set figure laid down, we are self- supporting through our own contributions, this tells me GA has to function and GA needs money in order to do so, we have to pay our own way for premises, rent and the general upkeep of GA we need money to help carry the message of hope to compulsive gamblers who still suffer. Gamblers Anonymous is not allied to any sect, denomination, politics, organization or institution absolutely nothing wrong with these things, this I very important because it gives everybody a road in to gamblers anonymous simply being a member of any of the things GA is not allied to doesn't give anybody a road out, the important part of this is what it does not say, is the fact that i can use any of the other methods if it helps with my recovery in GA, but tells me that I must not promote it or tell other members to do the same, I have to leave them at the door and pick them up on my way out does not wish to engage in any controversy, for me this means I cannot create hypothetical situations, I I must allow another member the right to have there opinion, no matter how much I disagree, i will discuss it with the member after the meeting not during the meeting this would lead to unnecessary argument and might upset the whole meeting, I must keep an open mind, neither endorse nor oppose any causes, there are some wonderful causes out there in the world but a GA room is not the place for me to promote them, and finally, Our primary purpose is to stop gambling and to help other compulsive gamblers do the same. Not a problem, I have got my baw head on, I have already stopped gambling, but the big question that brings me back down to size is will I be able to stay stopped without the continued help from GA, I don,t think I would last too long till I would go back down that road. I now realize in order to maintain my recovery that going to meetings on a regular basis and helping others I can also help maintain my recovery, getting involved in a group and being there for a new member not forgetting my fellow group members stops me from becoming complacent. If there is anything I have wrote that other members disagree with it was not my intention to offend, I wish all a happy and contented recovery, I am forever grateful to Gamblers anonymous for turning my life around Junior Cambuslang Friday |
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| Reply from GA | |||||
| Hi Junior, article now published after appearing in Magazine. Thanks | |||||
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| No | Name of Contributor | Date Message Left | |||
| 319 | Anonymous62 | 14 October 2009 | |||
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| Its late. Its cold. Its another night on the nightshift. Its just another few hours and I until I infict more misery on myself because when I finish work I'll sleep for a few hours then its right back into my hell. I cant seem to stop going in there, William Hills wouldn't exist without me and my kind, I thought... they certainly wouldn't be racking up the massive profits year on year that they do. This was my life for as long as I can remember and it was torture. The people close to me became acqaintancies - they were actually my family, the people I was supposed to love!!! What on earth was becomming of me? Money wasn't my problem. My problem was 'mental'. I was heading for utter insanity because every emotion that normal people experience I hadn't had for so long that I didn't even miss things like happiness, love, kindness, thoughtfulness or even a mere "hello" from a neighbour. I was a shell and I merely existed in 'emotional' terms. I frequented "my" bookies more often than the staff who worked there because at least they got a day off from the place but not me, no sir, I had to be there !!! I dont know how many times I thought to myself I'll have to screw the nut and stop this gambling but I do know that no matter how much I thought about it I simply couldn't do it on my own. I tried and failed miserably - I needed help and I knew where I could get it but would I make that first step through the doors? Surely I could do something to save my life. Not my living and breathing life, my mortal, life but my emotional life. Emotionally, I honestly think I was DEAD !!!! A bit extreme but thats where I was - nothing really mattered. Today? Now thats a different story because I did take that first step eventually. I went to GA and I discovered that the emotions weren't lost they were just bogged down by my gambling, hidden behind a person that wasn't me and trapped in a dark place within me. Very quickly my emotions were bright, happy, cheery things that my family noticed had returned. Why, they asked, had I been a grumpy, selfish, moody nasty person for all those years when I could have been this pleasant decent father, son, husband and freind, why? Where have 'you' been all this time they must have thought to themselves......... I would have replied "I was in the bookies" !!!! I haven't had a bet for a wee while and with the help of GA I'm hoping not to have a bet for a wee while longer. But if I just dont have a bet today that'll be a good start, I'll have a chance to be that decent fella for a wee while longer. My life is good today and its purely down to GA and the effort I put into staying gambling free. I didn't even think about gambling today - unlike that late, cold night at work. |
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| Reply from GA | |||||
| Hi Anonymous62, thanks once more for your excellant share. It's now appeared in a magazine and is online for others to read. Thanks....... | |||||
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| No | Name of Contributor | Date Message Left | |||
| 318 | Dan Tuesday and Saturday Oxgangs | 13 October 2009 | |||
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| Well Where do I start When I was 16 years old I found fruit machines. I started to play them on a regular basis the 10p and 20p ones didnt really see it as a problem. I used to steal the odd pound here and there and even stole money from my grandmother which I am not proud of.
I went to go and work in the lake district Started as a commis chef in keswick really enjoyed it. The first time that i got paid I lost it all and had to wlak 3 miles back to the hotel was absolutley gutted and promised myself that I would never ever do it again. The 2nd time that I got paid I did it again even though I promised myself that I wouldn't. I must have lost my wages atleast 20 times before I started to sleep in for work I then lost my job and had to move back to Sunderland. I didn't have a penny when I went back home so I moved in with my mum for a bit until I found a new vacancy in the lakes again. It wasn't that long until I had found a new job this time it was in Grasmere. Four months into the job I was back to the same again no money and no job. After going backwards and fowards to the lake district atleast 5 times I realised that I wasn't lasting in jobs that long but still hadn't owned up to my compulsive gambling problem. My mum and dad knew as I constantly asked for money my mum used to bail me out quite a bit as she lived in Scotland and didn't realise the damage i was causing . On the other hand my dad was getting sick of lending me money as he would never get it back and knew that I was gambling it anyway. In 2004 I started to work for Cobra Marketing which I thought was good but I was earning more money which meant that I gambled more. My Managing Director saw that I had a money (gambling problem) which he tried to help with but in the end I had to leave as I was a bad example to my team. I then moved out of my mates house and into a flat with a new job EDF energy, again the money was great and I still didn't think that I had a problem at all. Again I left that job as all I did was go to the bookies every day. My mate Cliff used to pay for the rent and buy food for me when I had no money even though I earned more than him. After I had exausted Sunderland I moved Up to Edinburgh. So from 15 years old to the age of 23 I had 15 jobs probably more ruined three relationships and lost countless amounts of friends, not to mention the money as well. When I moved up to edinburgh I thought It was a fresh start. It took me about 4 months to find a job eventually I found one with Scottish Power. My mum had given me so much in the 4 months when I moved up so I wanted to pay her back. The 1st time that I got paid I lost the lot my full months wages was absolutley gutted me and my mum argued. I didn't think that I had a problem yet and shouted at my mum saying its my money I will do what I want with it I have earned it. For 6 months with scottish power I did the same nearly every single month until my aunty uncle and mum sat down and talked about what I was doing I was angry that my mum had told them I it was none of there business. Two weeks later I gave my mum my bank card and things were great for about a month no arguing my little brother was happier. Then I asked for my card back and she gave it to me. Two days before my 24 th Birthday which was 28th August 2009 I went to the bookies before work and begam to do what I always do I lost alot of money on the roulette, Horses and dogs. That night my Cousin arranged a night out for my Birthday with one our friends I felt so bad that I had lost all of my money but still got ready and proceeded to go into the town to meet him. I lied to him which was easy by now as I have lied my way through my life and he gave me some money. The night wasn't too bad as the alcohol hid my real feelings. On the Sunday of my birthday my mum had invited my Uncle, Aunty, Cousin and friends to have a couple of drinks and a bite to eat. I was in my bed all day feeling so depressed that I had lost all of my money again. I tried to hide it even though my family all knew it. The next again Friday my Uncle came round and said that he had been researching Gamblers Anonymous and that there was a meeting on the Saturday at 10am at Oxgangs. I went down and the 1st thing that I can say is how friendly the people were and how similar. I came out of the 1st meeting buzzin and firmly admitted that I Dan R was a compulsive gambler and couldnt bet ever again. I have Been going to the Oxgangs meetings on Tuesday and Saturday for 9 weeks and it is the best thing that I have ever done. I will continue to go to GA for as long as I live as it is the best place for me and will live each day as it comes without placing a bet. I am so much happier in my life without gambling I did think that I was going to be a millionaire through gambling but today im not as bothered. All I want is a happy life and to have a better relationship with my friends and family |
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| Reply from GA | |||||
| Hi Dan, thanks for sharing, the article is now online after appearing in the magazine. | |||||
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| No | Name of Contributor | Date Message Left | |||
| 316 | Anonymous | 08 October 2009 | |||
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| Sitting at work wondering what to put onto this "Share your story page", just about everyone of of share your story/ experiences just about sums up everytning that I am going through at the moment.
So where do I start, probably from the beginning. I started the "gambling", many moons ago whilst serving in the Army overseas, young boy making a good buck or two! Started with the infamous puggy machines, progressing to the horse racing and dog racing!! You ask, horse and dog racing overseas, easy access to this, race tracks right on the front door to the camp. Started with small time bets, this continued for a long time, never anything great. Then the great yearning call of the puggies came calling, wages gone by the middle of the month with nothing to show for it apart from sore finger tips from putting the coins into the slots... At least nowadays the notes are just through the conveyor belt system into the machines. Things have finally come to a head and I have finally admitted to myself that I need help. My wife doesn't know yet, but I a going to make the harderst decision of my life and tell her the "good news", no doubt that will come as no great surprise to her, she has an inkling that something is going on. Think she sort of worked something out about eight weeks ago. When out of the blue she asked me about my mood swings, informed her that was down to unhappiness in being back into the real world after leaving the forces, but I guess she knew it was something more than that. How much money has been blown over the years, probably too much to try and add up, there was good times and many more bad times. Don't get me wrong, I haven't got us into debt yet, probably a good thing. I now feel that things are/ were about to spiral out of control and as such am glad that I have finally recognised that I have a severe problem and need help. The most awful of all things were the mood swings (probably depression - and I shouldn't be depressed, especially with the loving family that I have), sleepless nights, deceitfulness, no more self esteem about myself and the list goes on. So where do I go from here, well this was is first chance that I have had to convey my feelings to anybody and just by doing this has helped me get over some of the deceit and guilt. Next thing will be to confront my wife, family etc, let them know what's been going on, why it's been happening, if I can explain it at all. Hopefully this is the first step in gaining back a little bit of self esteem, self belief and confidence. From here the next move forward will be getting to a GA meeting and getting my life back on track. Will be in touch with my local GA as soon as I have addressed the problem with the family. |
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| Reply from GA | |||||
| Hi, thanks for taking the time to share. Many of our stories come from GA members who are experiencing better lives. As horrible as it seems reading the pain of an active gambler really helps me to realise I never want to go back to that destruction again. I identified with all your story, the feelings you have and how it has left you feeling. I am glad putting it down has helped you, it's also helped me and I'm sure others. I hope you get along to a meeting soon and begin to experience a new life. One without gambling controlling everything we do. |
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| No | Name of Contributor | Date Message Left | |||
| 315 | Anonymous62 | 03 October 2009 | |||
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| Who really gives a damn whether I gamble my brains out or not? Its just the way I'm feeling at times. I know it would be best for me and everyone around me if I just didn't gamble but in the cold harsh light of day 'who really gives a damn'? Am I really of any importance to anyone in GA? Haven't they all got their own problems and their own lives to be getting on with? Why should I bother other folks with my trivial day to day problems? Problems that, in comparison to some others, are absolutely nothing yet I allow myself to be screwed up. I try not to be screwed up but it just happens. I get a bit down, a bit low, you know the kinda feelings that even 'normal' people get. I know I should phone some other GA member but thats not my style, its just not something I am comfortable with so I dont do it - they've got their own lives to be getting on with is my thinking. I dont even know why I get so low and depressed because I actually have a pretty decent life. Its certainly a lot more of a cushy life than some other members who I know are in more financial difficulties than me and have more other kinds of 'difficulties' than I do yet I feel really crap a lot of days. Its not the poor me's because I dont feel sorry for myself and its not something I ever felt even when I had been beaten in a photo finish with my last bean on the loser. I've been fortunate that I never suffered from the poor me's, I was always more likely to be raging angry than be sympathetic towards myself and my miserable plight. I often think about gambling but I honestly dont want to gamble and thus far I have not gambled since I got through the doors of GA but its there haunting my thinking. I haven't gotten even 'near' to going into a bookies to place a bet because I'm fully aware of the emotional garbage that would march straight back into my life and THAT frightens me. I almost feel that when I leave the meeting I am on my own again and surviving from meeting to meeting and fighting to stay off a bet. I haven't gambled because this is a fight that I want to win but its also like a fight that is tiring me out - I'm knackered, mentally. In fact I feel exhausted if the truth be told but I fully realise that gambling is not an answer to whatever way I feel. I can accept the first step without even a moments hesitation and that is a great help but I know I'm struggling..... in some way. I go to my meetings regularly and I absolutely love them but theres an emptiness afterwards. I am not the type who mixes easily and my outgoing nature is almost a front that I put on for the meetings........ I dont really know why this is but it is, maybe I simply haven't let go of being something I am not because while I was gambling I was always looked upon as something I wasn't then either - a big shot !!! The 'big shot' image suited me, it sort of made me feel better than I was. Afterall, the guys in the bookies only knew me as somebody who could place big bets and never be up nor down win or lose but inside I was screaming for mercy......I couldn't let them see the real me. I know I can be the 'real me' in GA but somehow I just haven't grasped that yet but I will or, at least, I will try my damned best. I started writing this with the question 'who gives a damn'?......... well, I know who gives a damn. Every decent man and woman at GA gives a damn because they care that our lives get better and most, if not all, would do anything that they could to help any person who struggles with the illness of being a compulsive gambler. I feel better having written this little peice and I'm glad I have never gambled since getting to GA - I might have some bad days, maybe even some terrible days, but those days could be so much worse if I place that first bet. May I please just thank GA for giving a damn. I know you care. Anonymous62 |
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| Reply from GA | |||||
| Hi anonymous62, thanks for sharing, the article is now online after appearing in the magazine. | |||||
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| No | Name of Contributor | Date Message Left | |||
| 311 | Brian | 23 September 2009 | |||
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| Assisted by GA in 2002/03 I managed to stop gambling for approximately 6 months. At that time I had a good job and a fairly happy family life. 6 years on, I'm still employed but have separated from my family and now live some distance from them but still see my children but not nearly as often as I should. I have continued to gamble on a very regular basis over this time and blamed other things for the break up of my marriage but the truth is that I cannot stop gambling and I'm not very good at it. I borrow money all the time after I've "done my brains in" again, to allow me to live for the rest of the month until pay day, but this money will also be used to gamble with. I borrowed £300 pounds from my parents on Sunday and I have £70 left, with a family birthday to pay for before my next pay day. Even while writing this I am tempted to take the money I have to the bookies because I may win and make things better. Why am I such a loser? Why do I continue to press this self destruct button? I have very low self esteem and have contemplated suicide on a number of occasions but fortunately for me I'm not only a loser but also a coward. Dont know what to do?? |
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| Reply from GA | |||||
| Hi Brian, you managed to stop gambling with the help of GA before, those doors are always open every night of the week across Scotland. Like you I thought about suicide when I really felt nothing else mattered, I chose GA and as I sit writing this reply to you I am celebrating my 5th year anniversary gambling free. I am proof this place really does work. Nothing and noone could stop me gambling and I tried everything. GA worked and today I have my life back. My gambling wasn't a life, merely an existance. Not only for me, but those closest to me. You will be welcomed back into the rooms and I'm sure there will still be people there who were there before. Meetings have almost doubled since you last came along so there's plenty of choice most nights of the week. |
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| No | Name of Contributor | Date Message Left | |||
| 310 | Brian S - Oxgangs | 18 September 2009 | |||
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| Hi would just like to say a big thank you to all the members of the GA meetings I have met in Edinburgh over the last six months. Yes six months since I placed that last bet. I am starting to realise how much of my life I have wasted in the bookies over the last 30 years. I joined GA with my son Jamie, 21 in March.
I told my son that if we go to the meetings, listen to what the people in the rooms were telling us that we to could get over this addiction we where both doing great going to as many meetings at the start of our recovery in the GA programme. My son had a fall about three weeks ago. He wanted to try and test himself to see if he could go into the bookies place a bet on the fixed odds coupon and walk out not putting any money on the horses, dogs or in the roulette machine. He managed to put the £10 on the coupon and walk out. The guilt that he felt when he arrived home he was very upset that he had gone into the bookies and that he had placed that first bet. I can remember it was a Tuesday that he placed that bet. We went to the Oxgangs Tues meeting there must have been 20 members in the room and Jamie stood up and said that he was a compulsive gambler and he had gambling to report. He had a tear in his eyes and I was sitting there hoping that it was a one off and he would get back on his road to recovery. The members in the room were very helpful and told Jamie to keep attending his meetings and the room would help. If only he had contacted a member on the phone to say that he had been having gambling thoughts that someone could have stopped him placing that bet. The word complacent comes up alot at the meetings and I think that complacency happened to Jamie. He was not going to as many meetings as he had work commitments and doing a lot of football training and playing football. Well that was three weeks ago and he has not placed another bet. He phoned today to say that he had booked a weeks holiday in tenerife, he works hard for his money and it good to see him treating himself instead of wasting his money JUST A WARNING TO OTHER MEMBERS THE LAST PLACE YOU WANT TO BE IS PLACING THAT FIRST BET TO TEST YOUSELF IT WILL ONLY END IN TEARS. I am doing fine it is 199 days since my last bet ONE DAY AT A TIME I have just got back from my holidays nothing fancy I managed to rent a small cottage in the West of Scotland just me and the wife we had a great time the weather was not very good but when the sun did shine it was a great part of the world to be in. If I had still been gambling it would have been a very stressful time due to no money, but thats all changed since my last bet we had meals in restaurants and we even treated ourselfs to a chippy its all down to me attending meetings, listening to what the members are saying and trying to get involved, I make a good cup of tea/coffee when the room is short of a tea laddie. I am enjoying attending my meetings and I will have to watch out for that word COMPLACENTLY it got Jamie. |
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| Reply from GA | |||||
| Hi Brian, thanks for sharing, the article is now online after appearing in the magazine. | |||||
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| No | Name of Contributor | Date Message Left | |||
| 309 | Jimmy S - Blackburn Monday | 17 September 2009 | |||
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| Jimmy S - Blacburn Monday Its a wednesday afternoon the sun is splitting the trees, the birds are chirping in the sky, kids are having a good time out in the street. Why do I notice all these things today? The answer is because I`ve just went another year gambling free, another year with a clearer head. I recieved my 7 year pin on Monday the 14th september at Blackburn. To be honest this year has been the hardest year I`ve expierenced as far as emotions go in G.A. I had a terrible xmas falling out with my mother and sister, the reason I did fall out with them because I as a person was not dealing with my inside emotions, I did not think things could not get any worse, then in May this year I split up with my fiancee of 6 years, my insecurities ended that. I turned things around when I started looking at Jimmy and bringing things out on the table and dealing with them, and talking to fellow GA members about my feelings, the reason I`m writing this article is to let people know, even though I`m quite a long time gambling free, you can still do things wrong in life. On a brighter note since I admitted to myself and to my sponsors and to both meetings I attend about my insecurities and emotions, I`m turning it around, by bringing the GA recovery programme into my life on a daily basis. Thanks to my friends in the fellowship, my mum is my best friend again, so is my sister, I am single there is nothing I can do about that, the important thing is,through the strength of this fellowship I can do something about Jimmy. Thanks to all the visitors and my friends at both meetings i attend for making it a special night. Thanks Mum for being strong through your Gam-Anon and letting me back in your life for the second time. Forever grateful to my friends in G.A. and Gam-Anon. Jimmy-S- Compulsive Gambler No Gambling To Report. |
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| Reply from GA | |||||
| Hi Jimmy, thanks for sharing, the article is now online after appearing in the magazibe. | |||||
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| No | Name of Contributor | Date Message Left | |||
| 308 | Derek | 17 September 2009 | |||
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| Hi All I have been gambling for a number of years now and it is totally destroying me emotionally, feeling like crap, bad attitude, taking it out on other people. I went to a few meetings a couple of years ago and thought I am ok, I can handle this. How wrong I was. Working in the town I have easy access to puggies, bookies. I am taking the first step and attending my first meeting this weekend (my mum is going with me to support me). To all of you out there, I know how you are feeling, please look at your life and your family the most treasured things in life and not to be taken for granted as I am doing. Good luck all and thanks to this webite I feel the support of others |
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| Reply from GA | |||||
| Hi Derek, I hope you got along to your meeting. Remember these doors are open to everyone, even people who leave are more than welcome back. First time round perhaps your story was about money and debts accumulated. This time around you speak of your emotions, feeling terrible and of course that compulsive gambler trait of blaming everyone else instead of looking at ourselves. You've read enough stories on here to know you're heading for the right place. Good luck, and perhaps write back and let us know how it's going for you. |
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| No | Name of Contributor | Date Message Left | |||
| 307 | anonymous62 | 15 September 2009 | |||
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| Hi, I have contributed to your 'share your story' page and although your page has recently been updated I see none of the stories I sent to you have appeared. I am wondering if you have overlooked them or if there is a problem at my end. I hope you recieve this message and can let me know if you recieved any of my messages for the Scottish Life magazine. Please note that I prefer to remain anonymous but shall continue to contribute to the LIFE !! Thankyou 62 |
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| Reply from GA | |||||
| Hi 62, humble apologies. I changed the website over to a new server and forgot to change some of the code for the share section and as a result of this we lost approx 7 days worth of stories. Please note contributions for Scottish Life can be emailed directly to the editor at scottishlife@gascotland.org Any GA member stories here used in Scottish Life are not published until approx 1 month after the magazine. Hopefully that answers your question 62. |
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| No | Name of Contributor | Date Message Left | |||
| 306 | Lynn | 15 September 2009 | |||
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| Hi, my original message 298. Thanks for the reply, I finally went to the GA meeting on Friday night, it seems some what of a relief. I realise I went at the right time before I got myself into debt. I came home and told my husband the full extent of my compulsive gambling. I now have a block on all gambling sites, one from a company, not a password one, I feel better now I can't gamble on line as this was my compulsion. I look forward to seeing our money grow. |
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| Reply from GA | |||||
| Hi Lynn, glad you got to a meeting and think you're in the right place. It was such a relief for me to be beside people who understood what it was like to be me, noone else really understood. Another thing I also learned was that my problem was much more than financial. My money hasn't really grown as I did come to GA with a mountain of debt. But, things I have like love and peace of mind are far more valuable than my bank balance. Stick with it and your life will continue to get better. |
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| No | Name of Contributor | Date Message Left | |||
| 305 | Stevie | 14 September 2009 | |||
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| Hi, just thought id post how ive been getting on since starting with the group at the begginning of may. Well firstly its now 20 weeks since my last bet, which coincidently the day I started attending meetings. I've been to several meetings throughout the west of Scotland due to work commitments, as the great thing about our meetings, is that there are meetings every day at various locations, and I can assure anyone thinking of attending that I have been made very welcome every single time, you are never a stranger at a meeting. I have never felt so well in a long time, as the secret addiction that I have left me suffering depression and feeling the most isolated as I have ever felt. I would encourage anyone reading this site that has answered the 20 questions to attended a meeting as soon as they possibly can, the sooner that they attend, the sooner they can go about changing their life and have the first day of their new life. The meetings are full of people of all walks of life who all share the same addiction. You go there and think, everyone is going to think I'm daft as I've spent this or I've done that, but there is nothing further from there minds, as we are all in the same boat, differant types of gambling, differant amounts of debt if any, family problems and so on but we all share this dreaded addiction, and it takes real guts to go, but I can assure you that the relief and piece of mind that I obtained after my very first meeting was priceless to me. I knew I was in the right place after 10 minutes. You dont have to say or do anything at your first meeting, just go along listen to what the members have to say, and when you feel its right for you then share your experience. It's not a guarantee that you wont gamble again, or it might not even be for you, but if you want to give it a try then come along and you will be made to feel very welcome by a group of friendly welcoming, listening gamblers. I'm not cured, I never will be, but 20 weeks bet free, I'm taking one day at a time. Thanks I'm Stevie and I'm a compulsive gambler |
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| Reply from GA | |||||
| Hi Stevie, your article has now appeared thanks for sharing. | |||||
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| No | Name of Contributor | Date Message Left | |||
| 303 | Jim (Blackburn) | 10 September 2009 | |||
| Message Left | |||||
| I realise now I have been a compulsive gambler for a very long time. Probably since my late teens some 25 years ago. I have always enjoyed gambling which is the main reason it took me so long to admit that I had a problem. Even though the illness has affected both my private and work life significantly over those years. I have always somehow managed to keep the problem a secret by only gambling what I could afford to lose!! That is until about two years ago when I discovered internet poker. I quickly became hooked and before long was finding myself losing alot more than I could afford to. This resulted in putting my family into debt through credit cards remortgaging and personal loans. I still tried to hide the problem by keeping bank and credit card statements from my wife, which meant every day dreading the post coming through the door, taking time off work when the statements were due and turning into manipulative liar who I really didnt like. During this time my daughter who is now 3 was born, time that should have been spent with her was spent on the internet chasing my losses, time that you can never get back. My wife became pregnant with our second child late 2008 at this time she still thought everything was ok just a bit tight moneywise. That is until March 2009 when she discovered a gambling website which I had forgot to delete. She then began checking bank statements and I was given an ultimatum that I either get help of lose my wife and kids who I could not do without. Monday 16th March 2009 I attended my first GA meeting in Blackburn. I was a wreck and had second thoughts about even going in. I could not have been made more welcome and very quickly realised I was in the right place, a room full of ordinary people who have the same illness as me. Since then I have attended as many meetings as work permits and the support from both my wife and other GA members has been incredible. I appreciate it is a one day at a time illness but the difference attending GA has already made to my life and my families life cannot be measured. Anyone who is considering attending GA please get to a meeting as hopefully like me you will quickly realise you are not alone and help is out there. |
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| Reply from GA | |||||
| Hi Jim, thanks for sharing, the article is now online after appearing in the magazibe. | |||||
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| No | Name of Contributor | Date Message Left | |||
| 302 | Anonymous | 08 September 2009 | |||
| Message Left | |||||
| I put 200 quid on a puggy last night. I'm fighting the urge 2 go back 2 the pub this morning to try win it back. Last week I spent the same if not more on poker and roulette on the internet. It is almost like I need the buzz of losing. When I win its an instant need 2 do it better. I play stupid things I know I can't win. I don't want to go to any meetings. In fact I don't know what I want. Maybe someone to say no. | |||||
| Reply from GA | |||||
| Hi, I never wanted to go to meetings either, the reason? Plain and simple, I believed that people in GA were not like me, I thought I was better than that and that I did not need to go to GA. However after trying everything else apart from GA, I finally conceded to myself that I was beat, I could not win. I had nothing left to give either financially or emotionally and suicide thoughts were there. At this point I came to GA, found help, found people who were very much like me, found ordinary people and not my perception of them, found great people who have helped and guided me now to almost 5 years since my last bet. Give it a try, I can tell you that your life won't get any worse coming to a meeting. Ring the helpline and talk to someone just like you, take that as a first step. |
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| No | Name of Contributor | Date Message Left | |||
| 301 | Mark GA & National Commitee Member | 07 September 2009 | |||
| Message Left | |||||
| Just a quick letter to say that on Monday 31st August we had a GA Golf day at my local Golf Club,there was 27 members there and it was based on a Ryder Cup theme. East v West and was also doubled up as a special day for Pat D from Glasgow. There was lots of good banter going on the whole day and I think that everyone enjoyed themselves. As for the score at the end of the day, it was 14.5 - 5.5 to the boys from the West,(Handicaps to be assessed for next year) I would just like to thank everyone who attended and also congratulate the winning team and look forward to the return match next year in Glasgow. This took me about 5 minutes to write so please all you GA members out there who have not yet contributed to Scottish Life it will not take up too much of your time. Yours in Recovery, Mark. |
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| Reply from GA | |||||
| Hi Mark, thanks for your contribution, sounds like a good day. I really need to try this golf thing for improving my GA socialising :-) | |||||
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| No | Name of Contributor | Date Message Left | |||
| 299 | Stevie - Partick Tuesday | 03 August 2009 | |||
| Message Left | |||||
| SUNDAY MEETING IN GLASGOW - that's right there's a new meeting on a Sunday at Partick Burgh Hall from 2 till 4. the format of the meeting is a book meeting; we are currently going through the Questions and Answers book [the orange book] its all about sharing our stories and identifying from the G.A literature. and I must say I am getting a great deal for my recovery from this format; what I am learning is the members who wrote this literature really know their stuff. we have 8 to 12 regulars but always room for more so if this sounds good to you then come along any sunday. | |||||
| Reply from GA | |||||
| Hi Stevie, best wishes with the meeting, in Oxgangs we use the literature a lot ad like you I take a great deal from these types of meetings. May pop along one day. | |||||
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| No | Name of Contributor | Date Message Left | |||
| 298 | Lynn | 03 August 2009 | |||
| Message Left | |||||
| Been needing to do this for a long time, so I am going to go to a meeting this week. My poor husband he has banned me from the computer, changed passwords got me to self exclude from one site but I secretly join another. When I decide I am having a shot of the wheel I freak at him I am not a very nice person to be around and he eventually gives in it is not fair to him, you see I am an internet roulette gambler. I love it, I love the buzz, I am in my own wee world and its great but its not great when I am hiding how much money I have blown or panicking about when the bank statment is in and will I get it first. I have had enough of this side of my life I need help before I loose everything thats important to me. |
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| Reply from GA | |||||
| Hi Lynn, yes, very similar to me. Internet gambling, no concept of how much you're spending, not nice person because of what our gambling does to us. Also loved it as well. Extended lunch breaks to run home and hide mail from my loved one. Caused her so much mental abuse through my selfishness. There is hope for you Lynn, I will celebrate 5 years gambling free quite soon, if I can do it, so can you. Get in touch, go along to a helpline, there are many females in our rooms now and a special ladies meeting a couple of times a month. We all have the same problem. |
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| No | Name of Contributor | Date Message Left | |||
| 297 | Sharon | 31 July 2009 | |||
| Message Left | |||||
| Here are the dates for the ladies preferred meeting for the rest of 2009.
Wednesday dates for 2009 19th Aug 17th Sep 21st Oct 18th Nov 16th Dec |
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| Reply from GA | |||||
| All upcoming Womens Preferred Meeting dates listed Sharon. | |||||
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| No | Name of Contributor | Date Message Left | |||
| 296 | Mike - Aberdeen | 31 July 2009 | |||
| Message Left | |||||
| Hi. I've just read some of the stories and realised that i need to do something about my gambing problem, and do something now. I'm a compulsive gambler and I'm destroying my life. Is there anyone out there in Aberdeen who I can talk to and set myself out on the road to recovery.? Thanks You. |
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| Reply from GA | |||||
| Hi Mike, yes there is a meeting in Aberdeen on Sat Afternoon and Inverness on Sunday Afernoon. There are also some really strong meetings in Dundee on Mondays and Thursday. Rather than me pass someone number here, can you call the Hepline above and ask to speak to someone from Dundee or Aberdeen and they will connect you. Alternatively email me at webmaster@gascotland.org and I will put you in touch. |
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| No | Name of Contributor | Date Message Left | |||
| 295 | Katie | 26 July 2009 | |||
| Message Left | |||||
| I just got paid 2 days ago... I am totally skint. I feel sick thinking about how much I have spent and I am only 22. I didnt think i had a gambling problem until now. £800 on online slot machines is just a disgusting amount I dont even know what to do. I NEED to stop gambling. I am putting my own relationships in jepordy and I am scared of anyone finding out. I am too scared to go to a GA meeting and think people will be shocked that a 22yr old is a compulsive gambler already. I dont want to do this anymore, I want a normal life. | |||||
| Reply from GA | |||||
| Hi Katie, please don't think that your age has anything to do with this. There are two guys in the meetings I attend who are younger than you and that's only 1 meeting. The number of women in our meetings is also on the increase and online slots and bingo appears to be quite common to them. You are not different and you are not alone, in fact in GA you are probably with the people who understand best. I have also dropped you an email to the address provided, please check there. |
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| No | Name of Contributor | Date Message Left | |||
| 293 | Anon | 19 July 2009 | |||
| Message Left | |||||
| Gambling is totaly ruining my life.I am thousands of pounds in debt ,and off my work with depression. My wife is at her wits end with me and all I do is shout at my children. The more money I lose the more I get drunk to forget and wake up the next day hung over, skint and even more depressed. THIS HAS GOT TO STOP. Are there any members from Perth that I can talk to. | |||||
| Reply from GA | |||||
| Hi Anon, yes I can put you directly in touch with a member from Perth who will be onlytoo happy to tak to you. I have emailed you at the address you left. Please check and reply | |||||
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| No | Name of Contributor | Date Message Left | |||
| 292 | Taxi Tommy - Blackburn | 14 July 2009 | |||
| Message Left | |||||
| Fifteen months ago to the day I returned to the fellowship after nearly a seventeen year abscence. Yes I was a compulsive gambler then so why did I leave and not stick around? Simple, I could not accept it, so I left a group of people who had recovery in their lives and wanted to show me it was possible to apply it in mine. I wasnt as bad as them I would tell myself until I started to believe it. After a short period gambling free and a happy home life I slipped back to my old ways and as I was to find out later after seventeen years of insanity I was. I returned a broken man who driven to the brink of suicide stuck out my hand for help, took hold of the many hands offering it and have not let go. I'm tommy a compulsive gambler and I can accept it thanks to the fellowship im fifteen months gambling free and leading a normal life. |
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| Reply from GA | |||||
| Hi Tommy, thanks for your hope mate, the article is now online after appearing in the magazibe. | |||||
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| No | Name of Contributor | Date Message Left | |||
| 291 | Brian | 12 July 2009 | |||
| Message Left | |||||
| Hi all I am a compluisive gambler I have been off a bet now for 5 months thanks to GA... Yesturday 11/07/09 I had a slip up, I had my 1st gamble and I am raging and disgusted with myself. My wife has put a block on the computer but some how a pop up showed and I clicked it and it took me stright to a gambling website. Sick so I am, I dont know if its the strain of not working at the moment and I am just sitting around the house. I have now decided that will be going to alot more meetings now I think 2 or 3 should do. I havent told my wife as I don't know what she will say we have only been married now for 4 weeks and we have a 19 month old baby and talking about having another. I think I am to shamed to let her know but what you are always told in meetings honesty is best so she will know today.... |
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| Reply from GA | |||||
| Hi Brian, your article has now appeared in the magazine. I hope you found your way back to a meeting. GA can always use people so if you have to much time on your hands still and want to use it for GA work, please get in touch with Tommy at the office. We always needs people to help people just like us. | |||||
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| No | Name of Contributor | Date Message Left | |||
| 289 | Laura | 03 July 2009 | |||
| Message Left | |||||
| I gamble all my money on bandits and the bingo and it makes me sad because I have a 5 month old baby girl and I go to the bingo and not spend time with my daughter and when I get home I feel bad for spending all the money. | |||||
| Reply from GA | |||||
| Hi Laura, gambling also made me sad after the money was lost, but somehow tomorrow was always going to be different. I lost many years of my daughters life finding GA when she was 16 and I can never get those years back. I wish I'd came to GA earlier, but perhaps then I never really wanted to stop and it wouldnt have worked as it has. If you really want to stop gambling and find a better way of life then we can help. Just turn up at a meeting or if you prefer call the helpline first and ask to speak to a woman and they will put you in touch with someone. | |||||
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| No | Name of Contributor | Date Message Left | |||
| 287 | Ema | 03 July 2009 | |||
| Message Left | |||||
| Hi, My boyfriend is currently a bad gambler. I read the 20 questions and it summed him up completley. I've been trying to get him to stop and he does it for a day or so and then something bad happens and he says it helps him calm down. I am now trying to get him to go to one of the meetings but I know hes going to say yes at first and then not go. What can i do? |
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| Reply from GA | |||||
| Ema, the reality is you probably cannot do that much. Your boyfriend will only get help when he's ready to get help. My wife wanted me in GA for over 1 year before I was finally ready to concede to the fact that gambling had me beat. What is available to you though is GamAnon, these meetings are shown on the meetings page. GamAnon is for the partners and family members of compulsive gamblers. They would be able to help you understand what you're trying to deal with. |
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| No | Name of Contributor | Date Message Left | |||
| 286 | Mick | 02 July 2009 | |||
| Message Left | |||||
| Hi everyone I'm michael and am a cumpulsive gambler well here goes. I'm 36 with this life I feel at times is not worth living. I cant stop thinking about gambling I've lied so much to everyone including myself it all started when I used to play fruit machines when I was about 18 and hell appeared one day when a work college took me to the bookies and introduced me to those roulette machines. I put in £10 pound and put it on 17 and guess what in came 17 I thought my god did I just win £360 quid well that was it the spirral staircase was created.
I started going in and spending all my money then I would be in with thousands upon thousands off company money and play with it sometimes I would win big but most times I would lose massive. I would take out loans to cover that and I got the nick name between fellow trusted colleges as the juggler coz I was fiddling company funds to fund this addiction. I started to lie like u wouldn't believe to cover my tracks. I lost my job one month ago and have been getting by on a pension but when I get it one day the next its either gone or a win thousands from the bookies am either flush or flushed but now I know its time to stop. I have a ex partner who would bleed a stone and no matter working or not she still demands her £300 every month for the kids. The problem is am gambling to keep her sweet she doesnt give a toss were it comes from as long as its there she always calls me a gambler every time wee have a argument. I dont know if its to do with the pressure she puts me under that drives me to gamble to stop the torment off torture she inflicts on me I need held not riddiculed can anyone help me. Please I start a new job on monday and want a fresh start please help |
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| Reply from GA | |||||
| Hi Mick, your story is indeed similar to mines but also to many people I've heard in GA. I also started on fruit machines and over years gambled progressively until I got onto those roulette machines. Once that happened I got hooked so quickly, began to spend money that was not mines, put terrible strain on my family and relationships with my wife, daughter and work. I also questioned the worth of my life on an almost daily basis. But here I am now almost 5 years gambling free and please take that as some hope that your life does not need to be like it is today. I could not stay away from gambling for more than a few days. Give GA a chance, it worked for me. | |||||
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| No | Name of Contributor | Date Message Left | |||
| 283 | Mark - Livingston Thursday | 18 June 2009 | |||
| Message Left | |||||
| It took me 2 years just about to the day after posting a story on this website to finally realise and admit to myself that I was powerless over gambling.
I was reading through quite a few stories and suddenly came accross my own. On the 25th January 07 I posted my message and reading it now it is clear to me that I had no intention of stopping gambling. I think it was more to let my wife and mother believe that I was going to do something about my gambling as I knew they were going to look at the website to see if I had actually posted a message. My gambling started on the fruit machines from about the age of 14 or 15. I used to put any money I had into them and couldn't go past one without spending money. As time went on and I started working I remember spending most if not all of my wages on a Friday afternoon on fruit machines. This trend continued for a few years and gradually got worse and worse, by the time I was 18 I was known in my local snooker club as one of the guys who would sit at the machines all day and all night ploughing hundreds of pounds into the machines. As time moved on so did I in my gambling, I started to go to the casino. I was never one for placing small bets and by this time I was earning alot more money working offshore so the amount I was betting got bigger and bigger. It all came to a head the first time when I was about 22. I was in Aberdeen on a course and lost a lot of money at the casino, at that I contemplated ending it all. I remember evetually answering the phone to my mother and her telling me everything could be sorted and not to worry. This trend continued probably up until a few months before I came through the doors of GA. I was continually bailed out by my mother and most of the time it was all kept secret from everyone else. After a big loss one day at the casino I decided never to go back. Although I stopped going and really stopped all gambling for a few years I know now it was never really under control. I started gambling again on football coupons online when I was at work and that escalated into betting more and more. Then I started on dog racing and the old habbits just started coming back and I was loosing thousands of pounds. My wife Vicky didn't notice any of this at that time as we had seperate bank accounts so she never knew about any of this. Vicky and I moved to a new house in March 06 and thats when she first started to find out about how much I was loosing. I started playing online poker and again ended up loosing thousands but I was telling her I was playing for free. We got married in the July and had our first child by December,by that time we had a joint bank account. Needless to say it was not long after this that Vicky had checked the staements one day and found out exactly how much I had spent. After many heated discussions I promised Vicky that I would stop gambling completely, but what had annoyed her the most was not the money but the lies. She said to me it would take a long time for her to trust me again. Gradually she did begin to trust me again and I had kept my promise of no gambling. This went on for maybe a year and then the temptation was too great again. The same thing went on again and this time it was gaming online. As I was working away from home in Afghanistan at this point I thought it was easy to get away with just spending a little amount of money. It never happened like that and I ended up spending thousands. I did this three times in the space of 9 months. Each time I owned up to it and after promising never to do it again she forgave me. In November 2008 I finally admitted I was a compulsive gambler. It was this coupled with the fact that my wife and mother had finally used up all there forgivness on me that I decided to go and get help. I got back from Afghanistan on 10th January 09 and it took me a month or so to pluck up the courage to attend my first meeting. I can honestly say it was the best thing I ever did. I was made to feel so welcome even before I got into the room. I am only a few months into my recovery but my life and attitude to life has changed dramatically in such a short space of time. I now want to spend more time with Vicky, Jack and Charlie and we are now expecting our third child later this year and I can't wait. I know it's one day at a time and it's been hard at certain times over the first few months but things are looking up. Mark2 compulsive gambler, no gambling to report. |
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| Reply from GA | |||||
| Hi Mark, now released after appearing in the magazine. | |||||
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| No | Name of Contributor | Date Message Left | |||
| 282 | Mac | 17 June 2009 | |||
| Message Left | |||||
| I am addicted to roulette, both the machines in the bookies and the real thing in the casinos. I even dream of my favourite numbers. I am in control of all aspects of my life until i start playing roulette and then the red mist covers my mind and i lose it completely, even shouting and swearing at the machines. When i am playing nothing else matters to me. In the cold light of day i feel disgusted, ashamed and useless. I am very happily married with lovely kids. I lost again yesterday and decided i have to quit now. I looked at a photo of my kids this morning, started crying and vowed to get help. How can an otherwise sensible person be so easily dominated ? I want help but i just cannot tell my wife as she does not deserve to be hurt. Can i go to GA during the day for 1 hour or so in order that my wife is none the wiser? I am spending money i have and thankfully not in debt but this cancer must be stopped now before i ruin everything. | |||||
| Reply from GA | |||||
| Hi Mac, please see the message above. We do have afternoon meetings in Glasgow, check the meeting schedule, ad your annonimity it what keeps us together so the only people who need to know are those you choose to tell. |
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| No | Name of Contributor | Date Message Left | |||
| 281 | Charie | 16 June 2009 | |||
| Message Left | |||||
| This is it..(again) must stop..must stop. The horses and dogs were bad enough,but now its the rolling roulette wheel. I stopped for 4 years..yes 4 years!! Now its worse than ever ,roulette ..its the absolute worst thing ever. When I say roulette I mean bookie's machine roulette,not the casino type where a human rolls the ball. It dont matter who or what spins the wheel its the same result. Charlie Desperate |
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| Reply from GA | |||||
| Hi Charlie, oh how that just hit home. I considered myself t be quite a normal gambler for many years with fruitmachines, cards and football. When I found these roulette machines my life changed and nothing took me so high and dropped me so low so quickly as those machines. Certainly in the Oxgangs meetings I go to probably two thirds of our room would identify you, it's such a common story with tese machines. Almost 5 years later, GA has given me back normal life. This is there for you as well. |
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| No | Name of Contributor | Date Message Left | |||
| 279 | Sharon - Bath Street Friday | 15 June 2009 | |||
| Message Left | |||||
| I have now been off a bet for over 2 and a half years. I treat every day like my first except I have a little more knowledge every day to cope with life.
I have been off work sick since I had an operation over a year and a half ago. I found this very frustrating and I was very irritable about not being physically able to do what i was used to. It took me a long time to realise that I had to treat this illness the same as my compulsive gambling. I had to treat it one day at a time and accept not expect how my day would pan out. I found it hard at first. I kept thinking about the future and what if I am not diagnosed and do not recover. What if I get worse and on and on and on. I used the GA thinking and applied it a little at a time and eventually I got my head around it. For today I can only do what I can and I will deal with tomorrow when it comes. I can deal with this one day at a time. I had used this when I had a problem I thought would maybe lead me to gambling, but I forgot I could use it for any situation even one that I did not think about gambling with. This has turned my life around. I feel more positive and calmer. I accept there are days when have to rest and days when I am able to do some things. I even had to accept that there are days when I am not fit enough to go to a meeting but I can make it up when I feel well enough and get in some extra meetings. it was only recently that I realised that if I had not resolved this issue it may have taken me back gambling. I may have got so caught up in the negativity of the future that I could not face a day in the real world and that is my problem. When the real world is too much for me I have the risk of gambling. I was an escape gambler so I need to live my life in manageable portions even if it is only an hour at a time. Today I am happy living and do not look for any excuse to place the first bet. I always believe the next bet I make could be my last as when I had my last bet I wanted to die and I believe that is where my next bet would take me. I have learned that I have to deal with issues as they present themselves to me. I need to talk to others and reason things out and deal with them as soon as I can. My life is worth that, a bet is not. |
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| Reply from GA | |||||
| Hi Sharon, now released after appearing in magazine. | |||||
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| No | Name of Contributor | Date Message Left | |||
| 278 | sharon | 15 June 2009 | |||
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| Hi everyone
On behalf of the Ladies Preferred month group i would like to share with you about our 1st Anniversary meeting. We held our i year meeting last month and we had 15 ladies at the meeting with 2 new members (who have since went to other meetings since) and a few new faces from other meetings. We had a great meeting with an update from everyone and helpful advice given to the new members. At the break we had many delights, birthday cake of course, tablet, chocolate strawberries, fizzy juice, fresh orange, tea, coffee, water, biscuits, sweets and loads more. (how many men wish they were a woman right now haha) There was so much left over that we all got to take some home to share with our families. Everyone left the meeting happy and with a little more knowledge about their recovery. Through the year we have seen many faces at the meeting and i am glad to say that most of them are still in the fellowship. as we are only once a month and the only ladies group in scotland we understand that it is difficult for many of the females to make the meeting but we are here if you can manage anytime. We would like to thank all the ladies who have supported our group and to all those who could not manage last year. Our greatest thanks is to the national committee who suggested that we look at starting this meeting with a view to keeping more ladies in the fellowship. thankfully that has happened. To all the ladies in the fellowhsip i hope you manage to get to the meeting if only once this year. To all the ladies reading this on the web you are not alone anymore you can contact a lady in GA if you feel more comfortable with that. just call our helpline and explain that you would prefer to speak to a woman and they will arrange that for you. |
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| Reply from GA | |||||
| Hi Sharon, now released after appearing in magazine. | |||||
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| 277 | Friday Bath Street | 15 June 2009 | |||
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| following ideas for articles in the magazine Glasgow Friday is going to contribute an update about their month.
May 09 and we had 5 friday meetings.
1st may: 28 members with 3 ladies. theme: "What do you want out of GA". 8th May: 31 members only 1 lady tonight which is unusual for us. theme: "What is compulsivie gambling" & "Compulsive gambling is an illness". 15th May: 29 members with 4 ladies (a lot healthier). theme: "The 20 Questions". 22nd May: 26 members with 4 ladies. theme: "The Maturity Programme". 29th May: 31 members with 4 ladies. theme: a mix of everything Our group has great support from many regular visitors who use the Friday group as their second meeting. During the month we had a few new faces through the door and various visitors from other groups who had either never been to our group before or had not been for a while. We would like to thank everyone for their continuious support for our meeting through this month. We hope to see you all again soon. |
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| Reply from GA | |||||
| Hi Sharon, now released after appearing in magazine. | |||||
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| No | Name of Contributor | Date Message Left | |||
| 276 | Mark | 14 June 2009 | |||
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| I've been going to GA meetings for the past three and a half months. Outwith not having a bet in that time I feel my life has got so much better in such a short space of time. I now don't have the fear I used to have of my wife finding out or the postman coming everyday. I now know that my recovery is one day at a time and it's not something that suddenly disappears with me going to a few meetings. The help i've been given and the friends i've made in this short time is great. The big thing for me in the past was the denial that i had a problem and the thought that I could control it myself. The decision to go to my first meeting was the best decision i've ever made. I was made very welcome from everyone in the group and nobody judges you as everyone has been in the same position. This was one of my biggest fears about going to my first meeting but I couldn't have been more wrong. I would just like to thank GA for the help and support i've been given in my early stages of recovery. |
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| Reply from GA | |||||
| Hi Mark, now released after appearing in magazine | |||||
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| No | Name of Contributor | Date Message Left | |||
| 274 | Gary | 08 June 2009 | |||
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| I posted on here about 18 months or so ago. I had just been sacked for stealing from my work. I was determined to beat gambling and sort my life out. I used Gamcare to keep a diary and had some counselling sessions with a family friend. For next ten months, life wasn't perfect but I didn't gamble. Then one day it came into my head to put a bet on. I did nothing to fight this urge. Started gambling again and the last tem months have been worst of my life. Got sacked again and face embezzlement charges. This wasn't enough to convince me to seek more help and in last month I have lost my g/f who just can't take it any more, and almost lost my daughter, whose mother has had to pick up the pieces of my gambling all her adult life. I have just been charged again for theft and I'm going to go to the GA meeting in glasgow tonight. I also have a proper counselling meeting arranged for next week and I will take any help I can get from here on in. I'm 33 and i've always gambled, and because of this i've always stolen and always lied to the people who love me the most. I don't want this to be how I live my life from here on in! | |||||
| Reply from GA | |||||
| Hi Gary, now released after appearing magazine. | |||||
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| No | Name of Contributor | Date Message Left | |||
| 273 | Anonymous | 07 June 2009 | |||
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| Just to say to anyone who is reading this and is at their wits end - try ga. Im a compulsive gambler and have been where many of you have - no money, lots of debt, feeling suicidal - one meeting changed all that. Ive been attending GA since 2004 and from the very first meeting it changed my life. So go to one, or at least call the number, thats how I started and it was the single most important call of my life | |||||
| Reply from GA | |||||
| Hi Anonymous, very similar for me, also went in 2004. No money and Lots of Debt also but realised that what I really had was an emotional problem and a gambling solution. Today life is much better, relationships with my family as good as ever, better at my work, better human being and totally grateful to GA not only for showing me how to get out the gambling cycle but giving me the tools to change my life. | |||||
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| No | Name of Contributor | Date Message Left | |||
| 271 | Mark GA & National Commitee Member | 02 June 2009 | |||
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| I came to GA on March 1st 1997 my life was an absolute shambles,i hated everybody including myself and could see no way out,my life today has completely changed,i have two lovely kids and a fantastic wife(Jackie),i attend two meetings per week and i have lots of contact outwith the meetings,GA does not stop for me when i leave the room,i attend the National meetings on a regular basis on behalf of my own meeting in Blackburn,i like to put something back into the fellowship as it helps me and hopefully other people,Gratitude is a word that comes up often in GA rooms,but do we have it because we haven't gambled or are we really putting in enough effort,i remember my first meeting at Rutherglen and the support that i got that day was incredible,i try to make new members as welcome today as i felt when i arrived,the Scottish Life was mentioned at the National on Friday,we at Blackburn ask a different member to submit a story once a month,is that too much to ask!!!!!!!,take yourself back to your first meeting and how you were feeling,i am sure we can give one story per year,if we have 12 members that is all that it requires,if we are Giving Back and have Gratitide for GA lets show it more often,the benefits are amazing.......yours in Recovery,Mark. | |||||
| Reply from GA | |||||
| Hi Mark, releasing this as it's now appeared in the magazine. | |||||
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| No | Name of Contributor | Date Message Left | |||
| 270 | Dee | 02 June 2009 | |||
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| I joined Kirkcaldy on Feb 14th 2009,just over 4mths ago.I had only moved to Scotland 7mths prior to that and at the time knew very few people up here.I guess,looking back that i was probably missing my friends.As i was no longer working(due to ill health) i was seriously bored.So the computer was my escape into another world.It became my best friend and the buzz i was getting made up for all the losses in my life.I was sceptical about going along to my first meeting,as i did not think i was a compulsive gambler.I dont know what i expected but it certainly wasnt what i received.The warm welcome,comradery and the helpful advice were enough for me to realise that i was in the right place.After listening to a therapy and recovery from members i had to admit to myself that i am a compulsive gambler.I related to what was being said.It was almost as if they knew i was going to be there that night.I learnt that i was not alone and 4mths on i have an amazing network of friends and support.Its not just the gambling that i have learnt to deal with its my whole life.I lost my daughter a few weeks ago and the telephone calls and texts were coming through every day.Some from people i had never met.I have never felt so proud to say im a GA member.I have learnt to embrace the fellowship and try to put back what i have been given.I attend Oxgangs on a Sat as often as i can, Recently going with them to see the Aberdeen/Inverness groups.Travelling to other groups has given me a wider network of friends and support.It has also given me a greater understanding of why i was gambling.I cant say that im an avid follower of the 12 steps but i do my best(no ones perfect).I have been reunited with my higher power and live one day at a time.To anyone that is hesitant in going along to their first meeting remember that we all felt the same way.Once you enter the doors the hard part is over. | |||||
| Reply from GA | |||||
| Hi Dee, releasing this as it's now appeared in the Magazine. | |||||
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| No | Name of Contributor | Date Message Left | |||
| 269 | Anonymous | 31 May 2009 | |||
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| Hi, on friday I spent my monthly wage in a couple of hours and in doing this have no money left once again. My partner is expecting her money tommorrow as I told her that I snapped my bank card which is a lie as I was trying to buy time I also owe my work money through my working away means I get subsistance money which I have gambled away on the roulette machines!!! I feel trapped and alone and havent told anyone and now I feel I cant go into work tommorow I have been gambling for about 2 years but in the past months I gamble any money I have even if its for bills! At the minute I just feel like running away which I know isn't the answer but I just dont know how I go about telling people my situation and the fact that my partner and 2 kids need the money which I have gambled!! I have been to 2 meetings but never thought I needed them which I know was total denial so my destruction continues !!! | |||||
| Reply from GA | |||||
| Hi there, you will always be welcome back in the meetings you once attended or indeed any other meetings. In my 5 years here your story is not uncommon. I also identify with your travelling situation this was the same for me, spending subsidance money as well as food and lodgings money, all in bookies roulette mostly. Like you I had a partner although only 1 child, felt so alone, felt as though I had nowhere to turn and contemplated ending it all. GA changed my life and I'm sure it could change yours. I would say go along to 2 meetings a week for 1 month and if you are not already seeing a change then you can always leave again if it's not for you. What I do know is it works for many, many people just like you and I. |
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| No | Name of Contributor | Date Message Left | |||
| 265 | Claire | 30 May 2009 | |||
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| Hi,
Today is the first day of my new life, I have gambled for 1 year, starting at minimal bets, sadly moving on to bigger bets. My self distruct button knows no bounds I have reached a point where I have nothing and no credit left. I remain paying my bills however this month for about the 3rd time in this year i have wiped out my wages, the only difference is I have also taken out my husbands wage also. My story is I moved into a new house (4 bedrooms at the cost of £234k) we had no debt and a great credit rating. Sadly I couldnt wait for anything and ran up 9k of debt. My solution was to take a loan. which was fine however my house was broken into and thats when the downward spiral came. I coudnt cope with life or what had happened my solution was to gamble. This was shortly followed by my son being diagnosed with autism. I now have no self worth I hate my life and my failings. I am attending my first meeting in rutherglen and tonight I will come clean with my husband. My only hope is forgiveness and from him and support from GA |
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| Reply from GA | |||||
| Hi Claire, hopefully things are still working out for you, maybe write agan and let us know. I've now released this after it appeared in the magazine. | |||||
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| No | Name of Contributor | Date Message Left | |||
| 264 | James B (Oxgangs Tuesday) | 29 May 2009 | |||
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| 3 years ago on the 18th May 2006 at a few minutes after 6pm was when I first contacted the fellowship of Gamblers Anonymous Scotland through finding their website.
I had put myself and my family through absolute torture and misery in such a short period of time, although I never realised how much chaos was going on in my head, nor did my family. My attitude towards everything in life had reached the point of ending it all. From my introduction to the internet and gaming websites playing for play money and play points to an accelerated two years playing for cash mostly Poker sites with a combination of Roulette and casinos, the spiral of despair dragged me to being chest to chest with suicide. I didn’t know what to expect after getting masses of identification from Robert whom I had spoke to on the helpline, I was eager to get to my first meeting that evening which was only a stone throw away from where I lived. I was met with the hand of friendship and took masses of support from the minute I walked through the door. It was the first sign of hope that I could possibly stop gambling and that my life could improve because there were people who had done it, people living good lives, even if it was just a day at a time for me, I was willing to give it a try. My first year was spent going to a minimum of two meetings a week, being in regular contact with particular members and also being involved. The impact this had on me was and still is life changing. Although times were not always great with financial struggle, relationship issues and sometimes feeling that this was all just a waste of time, I soon realised I had to change me. Using the tools that this fellowship has given me, the strength soon came to deal with life’s problems. Everyday things would be so much easier in the coming months. My second year I had realised that the gambling was further from my mind, I started to wonder about what my purpose was, digesting the twelve steps of recovery, buying literature from the American GA website, reading the history of this ever growing fellowship, understanding how this actually came to be, absorbing knowledge from its members. Change was the answer and I found this when a member took the time out to take me through the program of recovery. My third year has blossomed, I have had the fortune of meeting many people in the fellowship across the country that I can call friends, I have enjoyed GA nights out, I have found great benefit in trips away with the fellowship. It has built my confidence in all aspects of life. I have the upmost gratitude for GA and respect for its members today. I am and always will be growing with the help of the program. From my early beginnings, frustrations, fears, uncertainty to actually making it over a thousand days free from all the past sorrows. It didn’t happen overnight. It was a bumpy ride sometimes, but the road always levelled out in the right direction eventually. My variation of meetings I attended, working the 12 step recovery program as the book suggests and having the courage to change has been my key to unlock all those built up emotions, angers, resentments, fears. The list goes on and on as my life evolves a day at a time. Thanks to all the members in Livingston, Blackburn, National Meetings, Kirkaldy, Cumbernauld, Cambuslang, Edinburgh, Oxgangs Tuesday, Saturday & Thursday. Thanks to my mum, sisters, few close friends and my work for their support. Thank god and my higher power for my new life. Proverbs 4/7: Wisdom is the principal thing; therefore get wisdom; yea, with all thy getting get understanding. |
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| Reply from GA | |||||
| Hi James, great reading my friend, I've lived your recovery more than most I guess and I value your friendship. Now released after appearing in our magazine. | |||||
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| No | Name of Contributor | Date Message Left | |||
| 263 | Susan | 27 May 2009 | |||
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| Hiya, I just read a few of ur stories and they seem to have done very well thanks to ur meetings!! I just phoned my bank today and told them to cancel my bankcard because of my gambling!! I'm at my wits end and dont know where to start!! I have to now go into the bank with I'd to get money out of my account!!! |
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| Reply from GA | |||||
| Hi Susan Yes our meetings are key to our recovery. They provide the identification with others just like us and share the hope of the recovery programme and how it is working for people. There are plenty women in our meetings now in the East, West and North of the Forth Road Bridge. There is also a womens meeting in Glasgow once per month. If you would like to speak with a women then if you call the helpline and ask they will put you in touch with someone. |
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| No | Name of Contributor | Date Message Left | |||
| 260 | Kevin - Rutherglen Thursday | 20 May 2009 | |||
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| I am sitting here just not long from celebrating my 3 yr pin at Rutherglen Thursday St. Collumkilles on May the 7th. I would just like to thank everyone for their help and support that I have had since I came through the door. Where would I be without this fellowship? I know where I was heading in a box I had tried to commit suicide twice once with tablets and the other time tried to throw my self out my mums car and she managed to stop me. At the same time my wife Michelle was celebrating 3 years off her addiction which is alcohol and she has done wonderful too with the help of her fellowship too. She also was gradually killing herself she had been to the doctors who told her that her liver was severly damaged. She had watched her mum and brother die through the addiction to drink and realised she was not going to be next. Our life has changed so much in the last 3 years we were on the way to being evicted as I had not been paying the rent and council tax in fact I had not payed a single thing to any of my bill through my obbsession to gamble. We never spoke to each other all we did was argue and fight. We had 2 kids who were being negleted they were not getting clothed properly and not getting fed properly through our obsession with our addictions there was no money to get these things thats what I said to them what do you think money grows on trees but I was spending every penny I had on a horse or a dog how sick is that to think I put that first to the welfare of my family. Its not like that today though communication between michelle is amazing we can speak to each other for hours and hours the kids are well looked after we also manage to get some of the luxuries that I justified that I was gambling for ie we got our holiday to florida last year which was fantastic and we also just bought a new car life is good but that is because we listened to the advice the two fellowships gave us and implemented them into our lifes a day at a time. I WANT TO SAY ONCE AGAIN THANKS FOR SAVING OUR LIFES WE ARE A HAPPY FAMILY AGAIN INSTEAD OF A SICK FAMILY |
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| Reply from GA | |||||
| Kevin, thanks for sharing and glad GA is working for you and yor family. I've now released this as it's appeared in a previous magazine | |||||
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| No | Name of Contributor | Date Message Left | |||
| 259 | Stevie | 19 May 2009 | |||
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| Hi, just thought I'd drop a line. I've just started going to the East Kilbride group and thought I'd just like to share my experience with anyone thinking about going. I attended the meeting feeling very apprehensive, but knowing that I had to go, because the gambling I was doing was becomeing unbearable and a real problem. I attended my first meeting 3 weeks ago, and it was great. No pressure to speak, no pressure to do anything. Just a real friendly group who share my problem and share the consequences of my problem. Nobody there has judged me in the slightest and evey week I attend I am made to feel more friendly than the week before. The group has helped me begin to change my life day by day, and I would advise anyone that has a problem to go along. Gambling free since I joined and hope to contiue that way day by day. |
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| Reply from GA | |||||
| Stevie, thanks for sharing and glad GA is working for you, long may that continue. I've now released this as it's appeared in a previous magazine | |||||
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| No | Name of Contributor | Date Message Left | |||
| 258 | Michael - Edinburgh | 19 May 2009 | |||
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| My name is Michael and I am a compulsive gambler. A statement that makes me sick to the stomach.
How did it all start? I started gambling in 1976 when I was 18. It all seemed like innocent fun then. I would spend afternoons at the local bookies betting on horse racing. The problem started almost immediately. When I was winning it was great and I would take my winnings and celebrate, spending them on celebrations or buying things I wanted. The problem was I lost more often than I won and when I was losing I would not be able to stop myself having another bet and another bet and going to the bank to get more money to have another bet. I was fortunate at that time as banks limited how much you could cash a cheque for and there were no cash machines so once my pocket was empty I was stuck. Many’s a time I ended up walking home or hitching a lift because I had no money left for a bus fare as it had all gone to the bookie. That was the start of the problem that was to plague me all my life – my secret life had begun. As the years went by and I went off to University and I continued my gambling. I was always running out of money so I had to take jobs to fund my life and gambling when I should have been studying. Things never got too bad during this period and although I was always short of money I always managed to earn enough or get help from friends or family to keep my debt down. During this time I met the girl who was later to become my wife and many times she bailed me out when I was short of cash. Latterly at University I had to give up my accommodation and sleep on the floor of a friends flat because I couldn’t afford to pay the rent. I lived on fish finger sandwiches because I had so little money for food and ran up my first large overdraft at the bank before I finished my degree. Through all this time I had wonderful friends, but I couldn’t tell them what an idiot I was being as my ego and belief that I could keep it under control had me fooling myself like any addict. From 1982 when I got my first job I had the money to sort out my debts and went through long periods when I was okay for finance. My gambling, however continued. I always pushed the boundaries, but never actually fell over the line. When I finally came to set up a home with my partner I made the worst mistake of any compulsive gambler. We agreed to keep our finances independent. We had a joint account and an account each. This meant I could make my contribution to our joint lives and then had a clear field to blow my own money any way I liked. This was, now I think about it, the beginning of the end although it has taken me another 27 years to reach here. During that period I ran up overdrafts of varying amounts, but never enough that I couldn’t get loans and pay them off. Self preservation allowed me to stave off the inevitable over and over again, but throughout this I was lying to myself, lying to others and worst of all lying to my partner who only ever looked to build a happy life for us both. My gambling was controlled to a degree during this period because it solely involved the bookies and when the racing day was over that was it and work meant that many days I couldn’t get there. I was never totally obsessed about being their all the time, just once I was there I couldn’t stop till the last race was run. I was always earning good money so I was able to keep contributing to the life that (by that time) my wife and I had and fund the level of gambling I was doing. The issue continued to be the deceit of hiding the truth about how much I was spending on gambling. The shit hit the fan sometime in the last 6 years. It’s so vague to me now I can’t remember exactly when it happened and I cannot bring myself to look back records to find the exact date of my first purchase internet poker chips or work out exactly how much I have spent. I had finally found my nemesis. An insidious disaster for me. A source of gambolling I was to become addicted too, available 24 hours a day, 365 days a year with no limits except self imposed ones about how much you could spend. By this time I had built a successful business and finance was freely available to me. The devil finally had me by the short and curlies and I was off. I dreamt of the glamour of being a professional poker player, getting on the TV, making those million dollar wins in major international tournaments. Finally my moment for fame and success had come. this after all is a game of skill it’s not really gambolling!!. You just need a system and the discipline to apply it – just like so many other gamblers stories – how stupid can you be. Yes, like many other forms of gambling, a tiny minority of people do make a living from it some even get wealthy, but that is funded by the thousands, and today probably millions, of idiots like me round the world who just don’t know when to stop. Within months I had spent what cash I had saved and built up an overdraft. The first small loan was taken out overdraft cleared and a bit extra in the account. No problem, I could easily make the monthly payments and I now had the new stake for the big win. Then that was gone and now the panic set in. Now I was chasing the money I had lost. I just needed a couple of big wins and I would stop it. My wife even caught on that I was gambling and challenged me about it. Being the idiot I was I played the indignant injured party. How dare she look at my personal finances and of course if SHE wanted to mess with my life of course I wouldn’t play any more online poker. I went underground. I knew I was in trouble and I couldn’t admit what a complete arsehole I was. My ego and arrogance would let anyone see past the false image I had been presenting of myself and had driven so deep into my own mind I could even lie to myself about it. The money just kept pouring away. My relationship with my wife was getting rockier and rockier. She was working harder and harder to keep it on track. I was feeling sicker and sicker. Sleep began to evade me, depression was setting in. I was working flat out to maintain the business and business was getting tighter, fund my growing debts and keep my share of the cost of our lives going into our joint account. I had to go to the doctor and get put on anti-depressive drugs to enable me to keep functioning. I started to have thought about killing myself, but fortunately for me I was too much of a coward to do it although I don’t know if it would have stayed that way and I don’t want to know either. Each time I tried to stop, and god like many compulsive gamblers by this time I wanted to, I failed. I must have promised myself a thousand times this was the last time. I uninstalled the software from my computers over and over again only to be lured back – just £20, just for a bit of fun – then another £20, then £50 to get the £40 back. Then you build up a $1,000 plus stack. You draw out some, but leave a few hundred, just for fun. You lose that then you have another £20 and the cycle just goes on and on relentlessly. Then one Sunday morning, after another insane row with my wife the night before for a reason I cannot even remember, but probably about me being an arse when drunk it finally got too much for me. In my drunken stupidity I had got the laptop out and gambolled in the house while my wife was upset and angry in bed, likely crying and in pain again. When morning came and I had lost again, was wracked with guilt about what I had done again, knew I had pushed my business to the edge and was probably going to get myself into the courts with my debts. I had finally had it – I was beaten and knew it. I hated myself for what I had done and the pain I knew was to follow, not for me, but for all those people who had put faith and trust in me over the years and to some degree been betrayed. My life as I knew it was about to end. I had thought about telling my wife a million times and I knew how much this was going to hurt her. I knew that my family and friends were going to see me in a totally different way and that there was a real possibility I would lose any respect I might have had in their eyes. Fortunately for me I think I was still a bit drunk from the night before or my nerve might have cracked. My wife and I exchanged sharp words when she got up and she went out for a walk to get away from me. I got back onto the internet and started looking for accommodation – I knew I would not be able to stay and see the pain and hurt in my wife’s eyes that I knew would be there every time she looked at me after I told her. Maybe this was the cowards way out, but once the wheels were in motion that was my choice. I rang my best friend who knows both of us and told him I needed him to help me as I was going to drop a bombshell and my wife would need support. I got lucky and managed to line up a flat I could move into that day and when my wife got back I just blurted out as fast as I could that I was a compulsive gambler and had run up a large debt. At this point I didn’t really know exactly how much debt I was in I just knew it was a lot. Now I know it is a lot, but the financial damage can be repaired, the damage I have caused others especially my wife may be terminal when it comes to our relationship, which is well deserved. The look in my wife’s eyes and the broken sobbing of how could you will remain with me for the rest of my days and so it should. The next day I contacted Gamblers Anonymous and that night attended my first meeting. I straight away knew I had finally reached the right place. I was given sound advice about my state and was left in no doubt that I am now personally in the last chance saloon. My life as it was is over and the only thing I can do is rebuild and try wherever possible to make amends to those I have hurt through the conduct of my pathetic secret life. I am now 1 week away from my apocalypse and in no doubt about the dangerous waters I must negotiate. I have no idea what the future holds and my life is a mess, but a mess with the difference that I am determined to get off the gambling road. I have attended four meetings now and the stories I hear from other members have both scared the shit out of me and let me see there is hope. I intend to turn myself over fully to the fellowship as I am not a stupid man. Results show that the GA way delivers the highest success rate in controlling compulsive gambling and I am going to add to that success rate. I have had a huge weight lifted off me and no longer have to have a secret life and am now with a group of people who can see straight through any bullshit I might try to come up with while understanding the condition I suffer from and the suffering it caused others. I hope that whatever powers that be grant me the strength to work with fellow members and stay clear of gambolling for the rest of my life. My name is Michael, a compulsive gambler – NO GAMBLING TO REPORT!! |
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| Reply from GA | |||||
| Michael, thanks for sharing your story, your article has appeared in the mag so being released onto the website. | |||||
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| No | Name of Contributor | Date Message Left | |||
| 256 | B43 | 13 May 2009 | |||
| Message Left | |||||
| Hi Everyone,
I am a compulsive gambler. I have been on and off for the last 20 years. I was a member of GA for around a year about 15 years ago and stopped gambling for 5 years. Unfortunately I lost my job and the monster returned and it has again been with me on and off since. I was in the bookies yesterday winning back 500 pounds that I had lost in an hour before, when I thought, this aint worth it anymore. By this I mean, I have a great job, a great wife, who has stood by me through thick and thin and lovely kids. Why do I continually try and through this away? It is time to stop. At the moment I am being treated for depression and on medication. The medication is helping but not curing my addiction. I have made a deal with my phsycologist that once the treatment is over I will seek proffesional help via the GA, this is my first step. I would like to attend meetings but I feel embarressed that I might meet the same people that were there before. But I need to get over this as I am a compulsive gambler so I will attend a meeting soon. |
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| Reply from GA | |||||
| Hi B43, please don't be embarassed to return to GA. Many people come and go, some stay and those who stay have better lives. Noone will judge you on return, you will be welcomed, you will hear people that hopefully you identify with and you will realise you are not alone and you will get hope that your life does not need to like it is today. GA is the only place I get all of the above. I hope you come back and hear how GA has changed lives, you know it works. |
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| No | Name of Contributor | Date Message Left | |||
| 255 | Robin | 06 May 2009 | |||
| Message Left | |||||
| Just as I am about to write this, my wife has just text me to tell me she realises where all the money has been going. To be honest I think she had an idea but probably just hoped it wasn't true. I have a lovely wee family and house. Why do I do this all the time? Have just spent an hour going through the site and reading the stories and it has stirred a few emmotions. Another text there and I am to scared to read it. It might be the thing I am dreading, Her telling me to leave. Once again I am burying my head in the sand. Never been to a meeting before but I have to go to tonight. Wish me luck. | |||||
| Reply from GA | |||||
| Hi Robin, I hope you got along to that meeting and found some identification with people who are just like you and who understand what it is like to be you and perhaps you got a little hope by people sharing that without gambling their lives are getting better. Gambling is obviously causing you issues in your life, we have the same problem, and we have a solution. |
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| No | Name of Contributor | Date Message Left | |||
| 254 | Liam - Paisley and Erskine | 30 April 2009 | |||
| Message Left | |||||
| Hey Thought a would come on and give you an update on where I am today. Ive just finished a fantastic meeting at Erskine tonight and my head is buzzin with what I took out of it. This is my second attempt at GA after a fall. My thoughts, feelings and my manner are miles apart today. I would come to my meeting every week and sit there and it would be solely to find out how to stop gambling! Being impatient, listening to people talking about what I thought was complete rubbish! All I wanted was the answer and to get out the door again!! I wasnt being honest, I was not sharing with the group I was even starting to hate what people were saying. Today I can say "thank God I went back gambling" if all I done was stay off a bet I wouldn't have even considered it an acheivement today. This attitude and effort I was putting in was inevitably going to lead me back to a bet, thankfully sooner than later. All I wanted to talk about was gambling related things! I was still in the same frame of mind doing all the same things I was doing when I was out there gambling! When I went back gambling of course I hit rock bottom. It was a monday nite and found the Clydebank meeting. I was so broken down I just had to get in there and get it off ma chest, tears streaming from my eyes, totally lost, an almost identical image of my first ever meeting at Paisley. I really could not see the light at the end of the tunnel, I really thought I was beat, I was doomed basically. It all changed for me the Tuesday after, returned to my Paisley meeting and told everyone what I'd done how I was feeling and why I was back. The reason I said it all changed for me is because I started to LISTEN. And it all came from Paul in Paisley when he was speaking. I thought to myself how can this man speak so passionatly and honestly about his recovery. Then it sprung into my head, what was his gamble? what did he gamble on? The months I listened to him speak hes never really mentioned gambling. And straight away I knew the gambling ment nothing to him it wasnt his biggest problem just a symptom. It really opened my eyes to actully sit and think about my life, the sort of person I am and the horrible things I've done. Gambling is only about 1% of the problem. I managed to easily forget all the bad thing I done like the lies and stealing. I couldnt see that I hadnt just lost all my money but I had lost everything else in my life, like trust and love. So today I'm as open as ever. GA is the best thing in my life. I go to at least 2 meetings a week and take the most out every minute I sit and listen. I know there's still a bet inside me. I like to think of myself as a big bucket with a bet at the bottom and all my recovery sittin firmly on top of the bet, I know if I stop trying to work a programme, take advice, stop being passionate and not try make amends then yes that bucket will begin to empty and at the bottom is that bet. I do want to make amends, I do want to be a better person and this programme will make this happen gradually. I have patience in my life today. Im not trying to tackle everything in one go. Im not interested in talking about gambling today. My first shot at GA I would leave meetings and the next day I was still getting horrible stomoch ache, shaking like mad, dying for a bet. I hated it. Today I dont get any of that. I have realised how bad a person I was and I want to change that. Its about letting go and looking to the future obviously without forgetting whats happened in my life. Im 19 and ive got a long life in front of me and whether I was compulsive gambler or not, this gives me a great guideline to life and will definately make me a far better person than i was and probably going to be. I have more positives in my life today, and obviously I still have millions of negitives, and this is how I deal with the negitives- I talk! Simple. What a journey I'm on!! I really have so many more things I could say but its just a taste of the start. All the best. |
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| Reply from GA | |||||
| Hi Liam, your story has now appeared in a previous magazine edition. Thanks for sharing, how your life is changing through GA. Many people come through our rooms initially, some stay, many leave for one reason or another, but they know we exist and some, like you come back. I believed I needed to be there for me and noone else, I had to stop hurting me, I cannot believe it's now almost 5 years since I placed a bet, but like you I know it's still in me. Working hard to maintain what I have today and make it better, be a better person and helping others along the way. |
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| No | Name of Contributor | Date Message Left | |||
| 253 | Jack - National Committee | 28 April 2009 | |||
| Message Left | |||||
| It's a little while now since I was forced to come into the fellowship. I had got my self into a position where I had no hope of getting out of it. I couldnt afford to keep up the payments on my credit cards/loans despite working 7 days a week and claiming for hours that I didnt work. Dark days where I could see no light at the end of the tunnel, I couldn't admit where I was to my wife. I was the big shot and had put our relationship in a place that it shouldn't have been so sharing anything in our house was not an option. Secretive, manipulitive, liar, cheat, thief - just a few of the words that would have described me to a tee. When I eventually admitted where I was and what I had done Sheila was the first to hold out her hand to offer me help why! after what i had put her through over the last number of years I will never know, but I will always be grateful. It was her that forced me to come to this great fellowship something I would never have done myself. In our early days together in the fellowship Sheila in Gam-Anon an me in GA it was not always sweetness and light there were still a lot of dark days in our house down to me not doing as I was advised by the members in the rooms. br> Stopping gambling seemed to be the easy bit but admitting my life was unmanagable well that was a different story but since I've fully admitted the 1st step and got both feet under the table and got more involed with the fellowship our lives and the lifes of our family have got so much better. I'm gratefull to all the people I've met in the rooms for helping me on the road to my recovery and for also helping my family recover from the days that they had to suffer living with a compulsive gambler. Today I've got a great life thanks to GA, that is one debt I will never be able to repay but I'll keep trying. See you all soon in a meeting room somewhere |
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| Reply from GA | |||||
| Hi Jack, your article has now appeared in a previous magazine. Thanks for sharing your story and how GA has changed your life. I consider it a privledge knowing you, and thank you for the words of wisdom you've given me. | |||||
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| No | Name of Contributor | Date Message Left | |||
| 251 | Anton - Paisley Tuesday | 23 April 2009 | |||
| Message Left | |||||
| Hi my names Anton, 26 and i go to Ralston Community Centre on a Tuesday, I'm a compulsive gambler and not had a bet since 3rd January 2009. I had been to G/A Paisley before in 2007/8 and i was basically made to go by my parents, I just sat at the side and never gave it much effort, I wasn't gambling but I wasnt interested deep down, I left and never returned after 2/3 months.
I honestly thought I could do it alone but it was not to be, I got even more in debt and started telling lies over lies to cover my lies, I was hurting my family by stealing and being so so dishonest. In December this year I had the worst month ever, I gambled about £4500 thats including my monthly wage, I felt sick, roulette and football, just stupid bets that were far to risky, a mean imagine putting £1200 on Liverpool at 1/3 to beat West Ham and drawing - frightening!!!! All gone in the space of a week!!! But at that period I couldnt hide it anymore, I told my sister everything and said I wanted to go to GA and give it 100% and I was ready to, I had been paying back money to my parents every month, but as they say it doesnt matter how much you spend its the hurt and shame you feel deep down. I think I've paid half the money I've gambled over the past few years back as I've paid off 2 visa cards and a big overdraft and paid back my parents a good few thousand. I think I've got about £6500/£7000 to go before I'm debt free but I dont really care about the money as such I just want my mum, dad and sister to forgive me. I have a wonderful family that just seem to forgive me, my parents just want me to be happy in life they are wonderful people and dont know where I'd be without them, they must have been at the end of there tether with me because I'm a terrible at trying to tell a lie. So I returned to GA with my tail between my legs but the meeting set up had changed - a begineers part for the 1st half - tea break - then into the big room to hear somones theraphy recovery, I thought this will do me, not loads of older people staring at you wanting to know why you have disappeared and came back. In the 1st begineers meeting the first piece of advise I got was from Mark at Paisley, he told me to give my card/s over to someone I can trust, I had lost my girlfriend of 4 years during that period. I confessed loads to her after we split and were actually really good friends believe it or not and shes always asking away how I'm getting on when we meet for dinner. So I gave the old bank card over to my mum, told her not to give me it again, only if I needed it for something. Told her to keep regular mini statements, she gives me pocket money every day which I'm needing the now, enough for a my roll and my lunch and to get up the road after work £5 a day is plenty. If I need to buy anything, as long as I can chip and pin it then fine. My parents are happy enough to hand me my card and I'll return it as soon as I'm home, actually makes me feel good when I get a bit of trust back again. I've meet loads of new friends in Paisley GA like Barry, Jamie, Andy, Ross etc etc and the woman are really sweet like Anne-marie and Sally, dont think I could get through it without the support of them, so what I'm saying is I would love to thank everyone for the support I've been given, I do realise its a day at a time but I've never been so at peace, so much happier now then last year. The main problem I have is the huge guilt I carry around with me that sometimes I cant get rid off. I've been told to draw aline under it, thing is I cant I just think how selfish I was lying to my parents, ignorning my phone when it rang and just being a wee idiot basically, I brought this up at the last meeting so i would appreciate someone advising me on who to speak to with seeking out this problem. See you all on tuesday people and thanks again!!! |
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| Reply from GA | |||||
| Hi Anton, thanks for sharing some of your therapy and recovery. The topic of guilt came up at my meeting last night also. The people in our lives that we love who have stood by us have chosen to forgive us and what we've done. If they can forgive us, then we need to find it to forgive ourselves, guilt can cripple people like us. Continued success to you and with some recovery you can now offer the same hope and support to the new member as was offered to you by those in your group. |
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| No | Name of Contributor | Date Message Left | |||
| 250 | John | 19 April 2009 | |||
| Message Left | |||||
| Gambling again after 4 months, can't seem to get it. Will try go to Cumbernauld Monday Sick and tired of this ...... can't go on |
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| Reply from GA | |||||
| Hi John. Not everyone gets it first time they walk into a room. Remember GA and it's programme and members will always be there to pick you up and put you back on the road to recovery. All you need is a desire to stop gambling, the rest will come. |
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| No | Name of Contributor | Date Message Left | |||
| 249 | Brian - Oxgangs | 19 April 2009 | |||
| Message Left | |||||
| Hi, it's Brian again. I just thought I would give you an update on my progress since I came through the doors of GA with my son Jamie on March 5th at Oxgangs Thursday. Well I am doing alright. I have been of a bet for 45 days and my son has not had a bet for 48 days. The reason he has been of a bet longer than me is that I kept on gambling after my son called his uncle for help. I have told my son that he could be one of the lucky ones to come through the door due to his age he is only 21 and he has caused damage over the last 4 or 5 years of his young gambling life and as I have always told him that if gambling was easy I would not be in the place/mess I am in now, my council house after owing my own, my crap car it could or should have been better(Willie Hills runs a good car with my money) a wife/mother who is happy and not angry with being skint all the time. The only good thing is that we are all healthy just that our minds are messed up a little but getting better by the day. Anyway back to my first 45 days through the doors of GA. I dont know if anybody else has found it easy to stop gambling but I am finding it very easy at the moment. I have been told there is a honeymoon period that people coming through the doors experience I dont know how long this will last, hopefully I will be on the honey moon period for the rest of my life, one day at a time I know. I think I am doing well at the moment because I have attended as meeting as possible I am talking at the meetings and mixing with people at the meetings. I am listening to what everybody says and taking it in. I have seen many members being a success receiving there pins and it not all serious we can have a laugh as well, I think I only laughed once or twice in the bookies in the 25 years that I was gambling. Talking of 25 years I have been married for 25 years and this is the first time throughout my married life that the bookies have not got any of my wages that is a good feeling. I feel alot happier now, that I can walk about and not worry where my next meal is coming from, I still dont have any money due to my debts but I know that that day will come. I am going on holiday next week a short break in my touring caravan I am only going into the hills with my wife but it will just be good to get away for a short break, sitting by the river and the log fire. I borrowed the little blue Day At A Time Book from one of the Oxgangs members and that is all I am doing at the moment taking one day at a time and we will see where this takes us. I am sitting at my work on a night shift at the moment and I hope I have not bored your readers with my first 45 days but that is the way my life is at the moment and its all down to the way I have been treated by all at the GA meetings. |
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| Reply from GA | |||||
| Hi Brian, didn't bore me at all mate. Great to hear of someone in 45 days already seeing the benefits of a gambling free life. Hopefully someone tempted but scared of GA may ready that and think, what is there to lose giving it a try. Enjoy your break and see you next week. | |||||
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| No | Name of Contributor | Date Message Left | |||
| 248 | Anonymous - Aberdeen Area | 18 April 2009 | |||
| Message Left | |||||
| My relationship with my husband had felt like it had been slipping away for some time, we didn’t seem to talk, have time for each other or just enjoy being with each other any more. I knew there was still a lot of love between us but we were unable to communicate. We had suffered a miscarriage in the summer last year which saddened us both deeply as we both wanted a brother or sister for our little boy & I was totally overjoyed to find out I was expecting again in September, hoping it would bring us closer again. However my husbands behaviour had changed so much & seemed to be on a downward spiral, he formed new a friendship with another woman which he lied to cover up, he seemed to tell lies all the time, he was going out more and had become very arrogant & defensive which made it almost impossible to have a conversation which wouldn’t end up in a fight. We started marriage counselling toward the end of last year but regardless of the amount of sessions we had we never seemed to be able to uncover the underlining issues of our relationship. He had become selfish, preoccupied & withdrawn & had no consideration for the feelings of those he claimed to love most in the world. I couldn’t understand why he had changed so much & began blaming myself for everything. I suppose the crisis point came at the beginning of this year, I felt I had no choice but to kick out the man who was impersonating my husband. I had found ripped up credit card statements amounting to tens of thousands, that’s when he finally confessed to his gambling problem, he joined GA & came to see me after his first meeting. I couldn’t believe how different he seemed, his shoulders were lifted and the grey tone to his face had gone. Before he went I asked if he felt he had a gambling problem or a debt problem – he had answered a debt problem, but the first words out of his mouth were ‘I’m a compulsive gambler’ he then explained what that meant & how long he had had the addition. He also said how welcoming the people in the group were & started to actually volunteer information, before I would have had to interrogate him to find out anything. Its still early days but we are both taking one day at a time but he is really passionate about his recovery and is even about to move back home, just in time for our next baby’s arrival! We have alot of work to do to rebuild the lost trust but we are both committed. He regularly goes to GA meetings & I look forward to him telling me about the things they have discussed, I know he is forming a real support network of people who understand.
This brings me to my reason for getting in touch, I have read a couple of books to help me understand all this but would love to be able to meet with people that have been though the same sort of thing, sometimes I feel very isolated by my situation and feel I would benefit from tips on how I can recover & make sure I’m offering my husband the right & best kind of support. The nearest Gam Anon meeting is over an hours drive away as there are no meetings in or around the Aberdeen area. |
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| Reply from GA | |||||
| Hi there. Can I suggest that you perhaps call our helpline number and ask for a Gam Anon contact. There may be others in the Aberdeen area although you are correct there is no meeting there, but they may already travel to Dundee. Via our helpline I am sure they can put you in touch with someone in that area to talk to. |
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| No | Name of Contributor | Date Message Left | |||
| 247 | Gary - Aberdeen Saturday | 14 April 2009 | |||
| Message Left | |||||
| I got in touch with this website in October last year and I can truly say it has changed my life. I went to the GA meetings in Aberdeen and Dundee and because of the compassion and understanding I was shown, I have now been gambling free for around five months. I would never of thought this was possible but I am eternally grateful as I have now got my life back on track. Unfortunately, due to work and other commitments I have been unable to attend many meetings this year but to anyone that knows me and is reading this, I'm doing really well.
I am writing for another matter. One of my friends is stuck in a rut. He is the worst gambler I have ever seen and only now am I seeing he truly needs professional help. He hasn't worked since July but has managed to gamble and borrow his way to some sort of living. About six weeks ago he won around £9000 at the casino but blew this amount within a day or so again. Since then, it seems a switch has went off somewhere and I feel he is starting to become mentally damaged by it all. He has got to the stage he is stealing bank cards off family and friends and is now showing bizarre personality traits that I know are our because of gambling. I really want to put him in touch with the fellowship however he has refused before. I feel this requires a more softly, softly approach and would appreciate any advice on how to do this. I want to help my friend before it's too late. Thanks Gary |
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| Reply from GA | |||||
| Hi Gary, good to hear from you again. I remember when you first got in touch and you emailed me when you got to your first meeting. Regarding your friend I have been in a similar position and found that like my own attitude to GA, I would find and seek help only when I was ready. My wife wanted me in GA long before I got here but it wouldn't have been right for me. All you can do for your friend is share your own story and how it's working for you. He just needs to know that GA exists and is there for him when he's ready. Aberdeen were talking of an open meeting when I was there on Saturday 25th April, that would be one way to perhaps introduce him without him coming in the door so to speak. |
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| No | Name of Contributor | Date Message Left | |||
| 246 | Ann | 12 April 2009 | |||
| Message Left | |||||
| I am a compulsive gambler, I am 46 years of age, I have a husband and a daughter aged 8 and I need help to stop this awful addiction. I am hooked on internet gambling from bingo to slot machines and I have got myself and my finances into a whole mess, I am putting all my bills in the drawer uopened because I know I cant pay them, I have depression and thing I normally find easy are now a big challenge and I cant seem to face them anymore, this is the first step for me to try and get help to stop or I will ruin everything I know I will and have ruined a lot of things already, hopefully coming on here and trying to get started will be the beginning for me and not the end that I can forsee at the moment | |||||
| Reply from GA | |||||
| Hi Ann, the one thing I can guarantee you is there is hope here for you. I once felt like you only a few short years ago, the things you're doing and feeling I felt the same. What I can also tell you is that when the gambling stops and the honesty starts many of the things you're feeling right now through compulsive gambling and compulsive lying will stop. We have several women in our group in Oxgangs, I can put you in touch with someone. Or if you're in Glasgow I can put you in touch with someone there. I will follow this with an email as you've left me your address. |
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| No | Name of Contributor | Date Message Left | |||
| 245 | Louise (Oxgangs Tues & Sat) | 11 April 2009 | |||
| Message Left | |||||
| I've been a member of GA this time for over 3 months now. For a number of years before this I've been in and out of GA. I would say now it's very important to get to a meeting. I unfortunately can't go to many meetings due to my shift patterns, and because of this I've struggled a bit this week for the first time since I've become a member. I've struggled mainly because of difficulties at work, which have made me question my career, made me consider leaving and also set a panic in me/urge, that made me think about gambling. This totally came out of the blue, happened yesterday, and usually I would feed that urge. I actually thought I was invincible to urges and that maybe I'd cracked this disease this time quite quickly. Fortunately because I'm a proud GA member, I had numbers in my phone and contacted fellow members, who responded asap, and encouraged me to find the strength to get through it. They also urged me to come to a meeting soon, which I will be able to make on Tuesday. If I didn't have these contacts, from people in the Fellowship, I know I'd be on my way to Hell basically. A path that would bring me heartache, pain, send horrid emotions to my family (which i've avoided this time round) and you know what I have a beautiful nephew who is four years old and is the light of my life. He sees the world with amazing eyes, ignorant of course to such pain, and the last thing I would want in the world is to let my nephew as well as my family down. If I gambled again, they would certainly know about my recent past again and that would be a dark and painful ride. I want them to be proud of the person I've become. GA has given me this new lust for life. It has made me less self-pitying, very optimistic, and given me hope of achieving my goals and dreams. The people in the fellowship are, oh my word, so warm, I've yet to open up and it will take time but eventually I hope to do so and give them something back, I owe the fellowship that. If anyone out there is struggling with their lives because of gambling, i would urge them to come through the door. The members understand every step you take and every word you make (i think thats a song), but they do and yesterday proved to me that its the most wonderful place to be if you are a compulsive gambler. Thank you for your time, and thank you for your responses by text yesterday, it got me through today. A much sunnier day. Thank you |
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| Reply from GA | |||||
| Hi Lou, amazing this GA fellowship isn't it. Only compulsive gamblers understand compulsive gamblers, our loved ones and friends just simply do not understand what we go through, but the fellowship provides us these people here to help us. One day someone will make that same call to you. That is our primary purpose. See you soon at Oxgangs. | |||||
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| No | Name of Contributor | Date Message Left | |||
| 244 | Jim B - Rutherglen Saturday | 08 April 2009 | |||
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| Hi my name is Jim and I would like to share my story with other members of G A. My gambling addiction became so unbearable and uncontrollable that suicide was a constant thought. I tend to think of my problem as a slobbering pitbull terrier that gradually became to big and aggressive for me to handle, this beast was so strong that no matter what I did to prevent myself from gambling I was always dragged to a betting envoiroment. This beast also had a very persuasive voice and would always persuade me to disregard all consequences of my gambling then when all my money was exhausted the beast would turn into a silent cowering mutt that could not help me out of the dire situations that he had persuaded me into. This is my personal perception of my problem and this is my story. Since I was about 9 years old I was sent 2 miles by foot rain, shine or snow to the nearest bookmakers where I would stand untill I could persuade someone going into the esablishment to place my fathers bets. May I add that I was under the impression that this trek was vitally important to the family welfare as no matter what money was available to the household my father always had money to gamble whether there was food on the table or not most of the time not. After a few years of this i became old enough to put the bets on by myself and can always remember the first time I saw someone being paid out what looked to me a huge sum of money and from that moment on I was hooked. My gambling may I say was not compulsive at this point maybe a bet every other week and not large amounts of money but gradually I became aware that I was spending more and more time in these establishments and more and more money when finally I was rushing around to make time to gamble and it would not matter what I was gambling on I just wanted the buzz. by now I had exhausted all of my own money and was now starting to gamble with other peoples money mainly my poor partner who may I say is my life along with my 1 year old son and my recovery to this point is all for them because only god knows why they stood by me. As you can imagine unless you have a never ending supply of money things started to go wrong winning bets dried up , I then gambled to win the money to pay bills when this was spent and I am so ashamed to say this but I started borrowing money from money lenders which opened a whole new can of worms as these people are ruthless. at first I just avoided them but they eventually caught up with me and put it to me in no uncertain terms that the money was due and had now accumilated an astonishing amount of interest this is when things got desperate and I had to get the money and again I am so ashamed to say that I then stole the money from a very close and dear family member to pay these people. I then managed to replace some of this money before going back to the betting shop to try to win the rest as I really didnt want this person to find out that the money was missing as this would lead directly to me. Eventually things got so bad and so desperate that my family and workmates all suffered from my mood swings and aggressive nature I just didnt care the beast had a firm grip and wasnt for letting go I had to get help. I called my partner and told her over the phone that I was in deep trouble and was about to hand myself into the nearest police station which was litterely yards away. Her next words without a shadow of a doubt saved my life she said stop where you are I will help you. From those words until today I have not gambled and this is when G A comes in because I said to myself if the person I have hust the most is willing to stand by me and help me through my problem then I thought it time to try and find some help as this beast was stronger than both of us. I have now been gambling free for 65 days which may not seem a long time but from the second I walked through the doors of the beginners meeting in Rutherglen on a saturday morning which was daunting to say the least but was absolutely crucial in my situation the support and advice I recieved that day will stay with me untill the day I die. I now attend 1 meeting per week which is maybe not enough for some people but does me just fine as I can honestly say that I havent thought about gambling since that first meeting in Rutherglen and I would like to express my sincere thanks to G A and most of all my beautiful partner for standing by me and turning my life around. One day at a time I will get through this and just for today I will not gamble. |
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| Reply from GA | |||||
| Hi Jim, thanks so much for sharing you story. 65 days to a compulsive gambler is a miracle. | |||||
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| No | Name of Contributor | Date Message Left | |||
| 243 | Jack - Falkirk Thursday | 07 April 2009 | |||
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| Hi, I've just returned from the GA convention in Sligo and what another great experience, meeting with friends old and new, sharing experiences, hopes for the future, learning it's not all about talking but u've got to listen as well.
The free showing of emotion something I could never do in my gambling days. Spending three days in the company off people who fully understand where your coming from and where you hope too go, where else would you get complete stangers willing to sit and listen then offering you a hand and hoping you can fulfill your dreams. What I did learn this weekend is that no matter how much I put into this fellowship I will never replace what it has given me. Gratitude a word so loosely used in meetings, if it was shown as much as it was talked about wouldnt it be a much better fellowship. Roll on Perth in October when I can spend another bit of quality time with my fellow recovering gamblers and this is not a plug for the convention as bookings are going well so if you wish to be there dont procrastinate. I hope I didnt upset anyone with my April fool joke in the monthly minutes but if your groups were represented at the national then you would have known it was a joke, so please dont blame Tommy it was all down to me he only printed what I gave him. If any group does want bricks im sure my grandson wouldnt mind sharing his. Hope to see you all soon at a meeting helping me to grow up and be a responsible adult in recovery. |
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| Reply from GA | |||||
| Hi Jack, thanks for your contribution. Glad Sligo was a great experience and I love your point on gratitude. For me recovery is not about the 4-6 hours I spend in rooms through the week it's about what I do the other 160 hours a week away from the rooms. Giving a bit here on the web, the National meeting, supporting meetings away from my Oxgangs base (most recently Kirkcaldy and seeing you more), phoning some newer members and offering my hand and once again on April 25/26 heading to Aberdeen then onto Inverness with 14 Oxgangs members to support those groups for the weekend. My debt to GA will never be paid as my gambling almost cost me the ultimate price of my life. Everything I have today is a gift from my recovery as a compulsive gambler, and I try to show my gratitude as best I can. |
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| No | Name of Contributor | Date Message Left | |||
| 242 | Trev | 05 April 2009 | |||
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| It's not even the winning now it's just the act of gambling and it stops now. I can go into a bookies with £100 pounds win £500 and still come out with nothing. Been gambling for years now but this time I am stopping for me not just to keep wife happy. Bye bookies enough is enough for me im out. T | |||||
| Reply from GA | |||||
| Hi Trev, you don't mention if you're coming along to a GA meeting or not, hopefully you're considering it as something has brought you to read these stories and identify. I tried and failed many times my way, and eventually had to accept that my way just wasn't working. I tried GA, it worked for me. Let us know how you're getting on sometime soon. | |||||
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| No | Name of Contributor | Date Message Left | |||
| 241 | Kevin - Oxgangs Saturday | 03 April 2009 | |||
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| Just wanted to share with anyone out there that there is hope to found in a GA room even if you left and went back gambling as I stupidly did five years ago.
I had nearly four years gambling free in my life first time round but was failing to talk about problems, taking resentements again, and letting pressures build up.Still trying to be the good guy for everyone else apart from my own wife and family! I managed to stay away from a bet for a year or so , but the old traits came back and it wasnt long before `small` experimental bets on lottery and scratchcards escalted into bigger sums. Things came to a head again last year in August after a mad period of roullette machine gambling. Fortunately for me something inside clicked pretty quickly and i coughed up all the bile eating away at me. I called one of my old pals in GA(still had his number in my head after all those years away!) - one of lifes good guys, didnt judge me but just guided me back in gently and told me I knew what I had to do (you know who you are). Today I`ve been back in meetings for nearly eight months gambling free. I`ve had to mix things up a bit due to family work commitments, but have now settled into my base Saturday meeting, and getting round second meetings regularly now as well, and I use the phone a lot too. I`m speaking again with my friends in GA and letting all contacts in my life know how I am. I have forgiveness in my life if i feel wronged and humility in my life for others less fortunate than myself. My final thought is from the Day At A Time book- April 6th `can i still go to school and continue to learn from the mistakes and adversities of others` My thoughts- try never to leave the GA school, but if you do please come back and don`t be ashamed, because the gates will always be open and the classes will still be in progress. Thanks to all the wonderfull people in GA who have welcomed me back Kevin -Oxgangs Saturday |
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| Reply from GA | |||||
| Hi Kevin, thanks for sharing with some people who may go back gambling that our doors are always open. I've enjoyed out travels to Kirkcaldy once a month in the car and getting to know you more at Oxgangs meetings. If anyone else is reading this thinking they can never go back after leaving, please think again. Kevins story is not really that uncommon. The only requirement for membership is a desire to stop gambling. |
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| No | Name of Contributor | Date Message Left | |||
| 239 | Anonymous - Glasgow Maryhill | 03 April 2009 | |||
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| Going to GA has given me hope in my life when i thought all was lost my life is still hard but its getting easier I've not had a bet in 9 months and I now have something to look forward to. I would like to thank every 1 in my meeting in Maryhill for their support | |||||
| Reply from GA | |||||
| Hi Anonymous, thanks for sharing some hope that your life like others has got better in GA. | |||||
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| No | Name of Contributor | Date Message Left | |||
| 238 | Worried Daughter | 19 March 2009 | |||
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| My dad is a compulsive gambler and as an outcome of this a compulsive liar. My mum has hidden these facts from me for many years and has told my dad he has to seek help. In the new year he told us he had started attending GA meetings yet we still find lottery tickets in his pockets and he still plays the game machines when he and I go to the pub. This places me in the middle as I have to report to my mum and tell her how much he puts in the machines. My biggest fear is that he isn't attending meetings and I know my mum doesnt know whether to believe him. She has even talked about asking him to move out which scares me because I love my dad I just want to know if there is any way I can personally check to see if he is attending like going to a meeting with him because first he said he wasnt ready for one of us to go with him then he said we arent allowed and I know my mum and I wont believe he is going to a meeting until we see it with our own eyes and can meet someone that we can contact to make sure he is attending. I know it sounds extreme but as I found out his addiction has been causing problems for years but now it really is tearing our family apart I im worried about the adverse affect all the strain between my parents is causing my younger siblings. I genuinly love my Dad and this feels like I am going behind his back but I really need some advice please. |
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| Reply from GA | |||||
| Hi Worried Daughter. Firstly to allow me to publish this I have removed the meeting name as that would not be fair on the partners of anyone reading this who may be associated with that meeting. Typically meetings are closed to Compulsive Gamblers only unless you see them advertised as open meetings either via our Scottish Life magazine published monthly or on our website. I cannot tell you about your Dad, but I will tell you about me. When I arrived at GA I had to start being honest for the first time in my life, and that was hard. GA is about stopping gambling, so for me I could not play the lottery or games machines in pubs, these are both forms of gambling. The other thing that happened quite a lot which my wife wasn't used to was the phone went.... A LOT. I had people from GA calling me all the time checking on me, seeing how I was doing and I gave her the name of my sponsor so she knew hs name when he called. I suppose this gave her some hope that I was going to meetings. With my own meetings I know we have met with families to explain what it means to be a compulsive gambler, but that I'm afraid would have to be your Dads choice. GA works because of our anonimity. Who you see, what you hear stays in our rooms when you leave. You could ask your Dad if he has a sponsor and if that person would mind you calling or to bring you some literature from the meeting so you can read more about GA. If he has a genuine desire to get better he should not mind this but thats all I can suggest from a GA point I would suggest you you perhaps call and speak to someone from GamAnon who is in a better position to help and advise you than me. I am sure they have been through very similar experiences. |
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| No | Name of Contributor | Date Message Left | |||
| 237 | Anonymous (Hamilton) | 17 March 2009 | |||
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| For years I had been attending my GP (doctor) asking for help with what I thought was depression. This happened for ages and I went through various difficult times in my life. Never once did I admit the truth to my doctor that all my problems related to the fact that I could not stop gambling. I was not honest with my doctor. I was not honest with myself. For me in denying the existence of a problem, I was receiving a reward for avoiding a painful life problem that was driving me and everyone around me mad. Then after many years I finally admitted that gambling was my main problem over everything. All I thought about and talked about was gambling or thinking about my next bet. This time it would be different. It never was. It was always bad. Then one day things got too bad and I was back complaining how bad my life was to my doctor. Everything about my gambling had gone sour, which made me more careless than usual and I wanted to lose everything. I had become zombie like. The odd time I won, didn't mean a thing to me anymore, it just meant more misery losing it all again. I couldn't try to get better until I was prepared to be honest with myself first and then start to tell people around me that I really wanted to try and face up to my problems. My doctor suggested GA. Why could I not have been honest years ago and saved myself and everyone around me the pain that I caused. Sometimes there is a payoff for not being honest with yourself and others. This is very hard to accept, but once you do a new life can be yours. All I have to do is try the GA way and things seem to get better and better. No more chasing my tail and going round in circles being off my head. Life's good. Now I've manage to stay away from a bet a day at a time, I've noticed that I have to manage my life now. For years I was unable to manage my life as other people did it for me. I was never there anyway. I would never take responsibility for my actions. It was always a shame for me. It's not like that now because I go to my meetings and try to manage my life. Life is for living, but you must manage it. It just doesn't happen for no effort. In the past I wanted everything for no effort. I escaped in my gambling to hid from problems. Today I have problems, the difference is everybody has problems. Why should I be different? These are just everyday problems. Today I manage my problems. I could never do this when I was gambling mad. There is always hope. Things can change. Seems so simple, but it took me forty years to ask for help. Meetings make it for me. |
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| Reply from GA | |||||
| Hi Anonymous, thanks for sharing how GA has helped you to turn your life around. | |||||
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| No | Name of Contributor | Date Message Left | |||
| 236 | Ross | 16 March 2009 | |||
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| Hi there, My lifes in a mess from my finances to my family life! I'm 23 and have the most wonderful girfriend in the World who I feel is getting sick and tired of my constant lies to get money for power and food which I inevitably gamble away. I need help to change! I earn a good wage, the only problem is its monthly, I frequently find myself borrowing money off family and friends only 2-3 days after being paid. I struggle to get to work and eat for a month, then as soon as I get paid again I forget about the last month and do it all again! its a neverending losing cycle. Of course I will win the odd £500 pound have a good night out but the very next day thats gone! I've heard of selective vision, but im sure there is a selective memory, I'm able to block out all of the horrific feelings I've had just a day before and step back inside the bookies! I started gambling on fruit machines when i was young and its now spirraled into me feeding the roulette machine in bookies till I've nothing left. However this must end today!! I'm going to go in and ban myself form my local bookies and attend G.A tomorrow night! I hope I can post a follow up message as to how succesfull I've been and give hope to others in my position. |
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| Reply from GA | |||||
| Hi Ross, well I hope to also see you post a followup message soon. Our meetings in Oxgangs have several guys around your age, online poker and roullete machines in the bookies seems to be their thing. In fact one of our lads aged 22 just got a 2 year pin on Saturday Compulsive Gambling does not care what age you are. The problem is not that you get paid monthly, the problem is that you're gambling your wages away. Short Term Memory is a subject in one of the GA Manuals, the ability to only remember the good times eh!!!! GA is here and can help you, I've followed this up with an email to you also. |
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| No | Name of Contributor | Date Message Left | |||
| 235 | Stuart | 15 March 2009 | |||
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| Being a taxi driver---i know the value of money up-front.im 50 and truth be told--bookies must hav taken at least 150k off me since my 20,s.
The main low is--going to work knowing its all going there way. This xmas was the final straw. Three months behind mortgage payments--threatened with re-proccesion, homelessness, put me in a depressive state/took 8 days off work drunk/bed My new/years resolution has been get my betting under control get my financial situation changed for good. firstly---i never stay in bookie. secondly---i only bet sat-tv races-multi bet thirdly--i budget £20 forth--bet for fun not ruin I've mangaged to do this till now.this has given me free time during the week and dramaticaly changed my finances. Please dont tell me too stop betting altogether-because i cant do it. Like a diet u need a chocolate sometime. I dont want to experience deep depression and hopelessness again all the best |
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| Reply from GA | |||||
| Hi Stuart, I am not going to tell you what you can and cannot do. It is obvious that gambling is causing problems in your life, although if you are showing this ability to control your gambling, you may (or may not) be like us. As a compulsive gambler I lost the ability to control my gambling, it took every penny eventually, like you I missed payments (6 of them) on my mortgage but got to GA in time, when I couldn't take it anymore. GA does believe in abstinence though, we will not show you how to gamble like normal people, but in GA we believe we cannot gamble like normal people. Should you ever reach a point in your life where your gambling is controlling you and you have a desire to stop then you know where we are. Wishing you all the best. |
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| No | Name of Contributor | Date Message Left | |||
| 234 | Stevie - Partick Tues | 02 March 2009 | |||
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| THERE ARE NO GAURANTEE IN LIFE. CAN G.A GAURANTEE A BETTER LIFE FOR THE COMPULSIVE GAMBLER BY STAYING AWAY FROM GAMBLING? We are told there are only 3 guarantees in life. Death, taxes and a traffic jam on the Kingston bridge. I now know that there are 4 guarantee in life. Compulsive gambling not just bankrupted me financialy. My sanity and emotional state of mind were affected greatly. I lost most of my identity because of compulsive gambling. When I looked in the mirror I didnt recognise the man in the mirror. I was depressed, angry, insecure, full of resentment and riddled with selfpity. I hated the person I had become. Confused I thought my only way out was to gamble. The longer I continued the worse my life got. I wasnt eating proper food didnt shave for weeks stopped socialising lost my friends had no time for my family. I was driving a taxi at the time and having to service the public we all know how difficult that can be. It was the worst time of my life and 1 of the guarantees I spoke of earlier kept coming into my thoughts. I wouldnt wish that time on my worst enemies. I was only in my twenties and I knew there had to be somewhere out there that could help me. I came to my first meeting 13th August 1995, the wee Monday on Albert Drive. There I found hope from fellow compulsive gamblers. At first I didn't find it easy lots of time I just hung in there. I was in denial for a while and sometimes thought it would be easier to give in and go gambling but my fellow members never gave up on me. They encouraged me to talk about my feelings [not an easy thing for me to do] I am better at that these days I just speak honestly and believe I have something to offer other compulsive gamblers. I got involved in GA doing at least 2 meetings a week and speaking on the phone. The more I put into GA the better my life gets. My personality has changed for the better. I look in the mirror these days and all those feelings have changed life is much easier for me and my family and I am a much happier person. Through a lot of effort and the help from GA I know my identity. I am an honest caring person and only wish the best for people. I can guarantee I will keep coming to GA because my life keeps getting better. I would like to dedicate this story to big Jeremy who often told new members GA can guarantee a better life. |
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| Reply from GA | |||||
| Hi Stevie, thanks for sharing how GA and this recovery programme has changed you for the better and how your family are having a better life today. | |||||
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| No | Name of Contributor | Date Message Left | |||
| 232 | Carol | 02 March 2009 | |||
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| Does anyone go to the Aberdeen meeting. I'm a bit scared to go in on my own and was wondering if anyone would meet me outside. I've just lost my wages again!!! online slots and I need help. | |||||
| Reply from GA | |||||
| Hi Carol, I have attended the Aberdeen meeting in the past as a visitor, there are members there Yes. Probably easiest would be to call the helpline number and someone will put you in touch with someone in Aberdeen to talk to and who will meet you in advance of the meeting. |
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| No | Name of Contributor | Date Message Left | |||
| 231 | Anonymous | 02 March 2009 | |||
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| I can't stop gambling online and in casinos and bingo halls. In fact anywhere anytime I have money. I have just wiped out my wages again! I don't know how I am going to explain it to my husband. I am in tears. I just can't stop myself. I am an emotional wreck and don't feel like living anymore. I looked up ga with the thought of going to a meeting. I'm just a bit scared of going in and the stigma attached to it in case I know anyone. But I do need help really badly. | |||||
| Reply from GA | |||||
| Hi there, please don't feel you are alone, there are females in our rooms all over Scotland. I personally attend Edinburgh Oxgangs meetings where we have approx 5 women in our various groups as well as a couple of regular women from Kirkcaldy who visit us on a Saturday morning. There is a women preferred meeting once per month in Glasgow if you are there, the next one is Wed 18th March. If you are interested in being put in touch with a woman who will talk with you then please call the office and ask to be put in touch with Sharon in the West Coast, or if you email webmaster@gascotland.org I will put you in touch with a woman in the East Coast. |
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| No | Name of Contributor | Date Message Left | |||
| 230 | Mike | 28 February 2009 | |||
| Message Left | |||||
| Hi, my name is Mike and I am a compulsive gambler. This is something that I have known for many years but have never been able to accept or admit until last year. Don’t get me wrong, I did not have a “light bulb” moment and suddenly realised that I would need to address my problems. I was forced to tackle my gambling addiction when I could no longer keep all the balls in the air (lies, credit cards, overdrafts, work, stress etc). My addiction led me into online gambling where I could forget about the “real world” and all my responsibilities. In my mind, I was going to be a successful gambler. Money was merely “ammunition” and I could reload at the click of a button on the computer. When I lost, I would see this as part of the learning curve and would be better prepared for the next night where I would surely win it all back. Gradually, as the debt increased I became more depressed as I struggled to cope with the worry of the debt, the lies, lack of sleep etc. This had a devastating effect on my family, I became disinterested in their wants and needs and preferred to spend time alone. I would start arguments rather than discuss any issues in order that we could fall out and I would be able to spend time alone. Through all this I still believed that the “Big Win” would solve all my problems, I could pay off the debt, buy a new car, nice holiday in Florida etc and I would stop gambling. Welcome to my “Dream World” My “real” world collapsed last year when the gambling came to light and I eventually ran out of lies. Gambling destroyed my marriage and completely tore my family apart. I walked into my first GA meeting 1 year ago, was I pushed into going, perhaps? I think part of me still believed that I could lie and cheat and I would still be a huge success. Attending GA would convince everyone that I was doing the right thing. On about my second or third meeting I quickly realised that I was not “different” to these people in thinking that I could somehow control my gambling. I realised I too had the same illness and listening to them speak, I realised I had so much in common. Many aspects of my life are still in chaos through my gambling, but thanks to the support and friendship of all GA members my life is no longer unmanageable. It will take me time but thanks to GA I now feel able to deal with life in the “real” world. |
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| Reply from GA | |||||
| Hi Mike, I relate so much to your story, the types of gambling, the family destruction, the thought of what people in GA would be like and the notion that someone I could one day gamble normally. Like you GA has only improved my life. The illusion that I could perhaps one day gamble normally was quickly shattered by a sponsor and watching someone return to GA having thought they were cured. A day at a time, it' now 54 months since I last placed a bet, but I know if I stop doing what I'm doing and giving back freely to others it's still there for me. Wishing you continued success. |
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| No | Name of Contributor | Date Message Left | |||
| 229 | Stuart | 10 February 2009 | |||
| Message Left | |||||
| Hi, not sure where to start. Just like everyone else I suppose, anyway like most people I started young, my dad worked in a pub and I was playing the fruit machines after school, cards for money, pool etc. It got really bad when I started work. I worked full time for 7 years, earning 250 a week, every pay day that would be gone, unless i won, then it was the next day, on top of that there was the countless loans, which, now 8 years on im still being chased for. 7 years and I done nothing, never had savings, I'm 24 now and I'm a waster. I have let everyone down etc. In a way its got worse as I went to college in August and I'm just relying on my student loan, 387 a month, and it may not seem a lot to lose in a month, but it's gone in a day. I leave myself with no money to get there, relying on handouts. Even though it's not as much money, and I cant get credit, its ruining my life, one of the reasons to go to college was for a change, meet new friends, as I've no realt friends because of gambling, obviously I've still no friends as I've not settled into college, because I've never money to go out, or even eat lunch with them. Anyway I write this as I feel as if going to GA will annoy people as im sure they all have families and are spending more, even tho I'm spending all I've got, I don't know! There is loads more to tell, but I'll leave it at that, also the only time I think about going to GA is when I've lost, its the last thing on my mind when im gambling, what do I do please! |
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| Reply from GA | |||||
| Hi Stuart, your story is actually not that uncommon. People (me included) perhaps feel that GA is for people who've lost houses, cars and more money than we can dream of. Wrong !!!!!!! in coming to GA I urge all new members to ask themselves 3 questions. 1. Is gambling causing problems in your life. 2. Are you gambling more than you can afford and 3. Do you really, really want to stop. IF the answer to all 3 questions is yes then GA is the right place for you to be. We all come from different walks of life, I felt my loses were huge, and they were...... to me!!!!! Since being in GA I hear people have lost more than me, and less than me but important to them all the same. We all reach GA from different walks of life but the result is the same, gambling has us beat and we all want to stop. You may have gambled less than others, or more than others, it's not really relevant. You are gambling every accessible penny you have and that is relevant. Consider coming along to GA, if you want to stop gambling we can help. Like you I only thought about it when I lost, then when I had money no way, I wanted to be back in action, that's how the brain of a compulsive gambler works Stuart. Short Term Memory is a very common characteristic of people like me. |
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