| No | Name of Contributor | Date Message Left | |||
| 186 | IAN | 26 September 2008 | |||
| Message Left | |||||
| THANKS FOR YOUR REPLY, WELL IT IS NOW THE 26/09 AND I HAVE NOT HAD A BET SINCE I FIRST SHARED MY STORY ON THE 04/09, I NOW IT IS ONLY BEEN A FEW WEEKS BUT I AM JUST TAKING IT ONE DAY AT A TIME. IT HAS BEEN HARD GOING TO WORK LATELY AS I DO CHINESE DELIVERIES 3 NIGHTS A WEEK, STARTED IT ABOUT 3 YEARS AGO TO GET MYSELF EXTRA GAMBLING MONEY AND NOW HAVE JUST GOT USED TO THE EXTRA CASH. THE PROBLEM IS IT HAS BEEN QUIET RECENTLY SO DO MORE SITTING OUTSIDE IN THE CAR THAN DELIVERIES AND THE SHOP I WORK HAS 3 BUSINESS IN THE BLOCK, THE CHINESE, CORAL AND LADBROKES. IT IS LIKE A BLOODY CARROT TO A DONKEY OR A FLY TO YOU KNOW WHAT, BUT THANKFULLY I HAVE NOT TAKEN THE BAIT YET, HAVE SPENT A LOT OF TIME SITTING READING IN THE CAR. PLAN TO TRY AND GET TO RALSTON ON A TUESDAY NIGHT SOON, TROUBLE IS MY WIFE WORKS NIGHTSHIFT AND WE HAVE 2 BOYS SO IT IS BASICALY DOWN TO IF SHE IS WORKING OR NOT. WHEN I GET THE CHANCE I WILL COME ALONG | |||||
| Reply from GA | |||||
| Hi Ian, glad you've so far not placed a bet. It's easier with a support network like the guys and girls in GA. I tried to quite alone, couldn't get beyond 1 week ever since I really wanted to quit. If gambling hurts you that bad, you will do whatever you can to make it to a meeting regardless of shifts or family. |
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| No | Name of Contributor | Date Message Left | |||
| 185 | Fred. | 21 September 2008 | |||
| Message Left | |||||
| I thought the only way for me to be a winner was to gamble everything, everyday, losing the lot. It's taken me months to get any sustainable recovery. The meetings make it for me. Now I've got some recovery, I'm not letting go. I never thought I had a choice. Now I make changes to the choices I have in life. I've decided not to gamble, a day at a time. Wonderful things just seem to be happening in my life every day. I never thought this was possible. I've retired from gambling. Binned it, a day a time. No need to worry about my past. No need to worry about my future. I only have today, which is gambling free. What can I say except, thanks for letting me find out that my miserable life gambling didn't have to remain that way for the rest of my life. Onward and upward, a day at a time. Life's good! Thanks one and all for being there when needed. | |||||
| Reply from GA | |||||
| Fred, thanks for sharing your hope :-) | |||||
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| No | Name of Contributor | Date Message Left | |||
| 183 | Garry | 19 September 2008 | |||
| Message Left | |||||
| I don't know where to start, but to say , I've done it yet again. I lost more money today. I have been gambling for years and have lost thousands, money that I work hard for. Now I have to do somthing about it. Every time I bet a looser, [all the time] I feel the world is against me. I want to stop, because I'm unhappy, don't want to loose good friends and most of all my girlfriend. I think I'm a good person and would do anything for her, yet, this is the one thing I find so hard to do for her [she got this site up] me to thinks I can win money to pay for things. But it is a lot lot cheaper just paying for them. I want to stop gambling, and get back to being a happy person. I've tried myself to stop [did it for six months before] but keep going back. I'm fed up whith my lies, and making other people feel hurt and unhappy when they learn I've done it again. I think people who take drugs are crazy, what do people think about me. | |||||
| Reply from GA | |||||
| Hi Garry, towards the end I promised myself that I would not do it and I done it again, and again and again. I could swear on my life, promise my daughter and even after the pain of the losing swaer to myself I was quit. You need to accept that compulsive gambling is a mental obsession to gamble, once you place that first bet, the phenomina called craving kicks in and you must place the next and next, typically only finishing when that last pound is gone. The euphoria leave you, you feel bad, you swear you won't do it again, that tomorrow will be different and this time you will quit. That is of course until you have money again and that mental obsession kicks in again. You are a good person, but you are also like me, an addict. We can help. Call the helpline and talk to someone just like you, try a meeting, I gaurantee your life won't get any worse for going to a meeting. |
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| No | Name of Contributor | Date Message Left | |||
| 182 | Taxi Tommy | 16 September 2008 | |||
| Message Left | |||||
| I WALKED THROUGH THE DOORS OF BLACKBURN ON THE 14TH APRIL 2008. I AM 39 YEARS OLD AND I HAVE BEEN TO GA BEFORE 10-15 YEARS AGO, I AM NOT SURE BECAUSE AFTER NEARLY A YEAR OR SO, I THOUGHT I WAS CURED AND COULD DO IT ON MY OWN. MAN HOW WRONG WAS I,IF YOU HEAR MY THERAPY SOMETIME. I CANT BELEIVE WHAT I PUT MY PARTNER JANETTE AND MY TWO GIRLS KIMBERLEY AND NICOLA THROUGH,MY MUM AND DAD TOO,THE MENTAL TORTURE I PUTMYSELF THROUGH CAME TO A HEAD ON THE 14TH APRIL,I DONE THE RIGHT THING AND GOT MYSELF BACK THROUGH THE DOORS AND OUR LIVES ARE IMPROVING DAY BY DAY THANKS TO GA,I CANT THANK PEOPLE FOR THEIR SUPPORT ENOUGH, NAMING THEM ALL IS ALMOST IMPOSSIBLE AS THERE ARE SO MANY FRIENDS, AND I MEAN THAT FROM THE HEART TOO, THANKS EVERYBODY. THIS BRINGS ME TO THE PRESENT DAY,ITS THE DAY AFTER A GA GOLFING DAY AT HARBURN WHICH I ATTENDED AND PROUDLY CLAIMED MY OFFICIAL RANKING OF 20TH(OUT OF 20 BY THE WAY)WHAT A DAY,GREAT DAY,GREAT COURSE GREAT GRUB AND GREAT GA MEMBERS,WHAT A PRIVILEGE TO BE PART OF IT,LOOK OUT GUYS NOW I AM ON THE RIGHT ROAD AND DOING THE RIGHT THINGS,THANKS TO FOLK IN GA,I WILL BE BACK NEXT YEAR WITH AN IMPROVED GAME I HOPE,ANYWAY I AM STILL BUZZING FROM THE GOLFING DAY AND OUR MEETING AT BLACKBURN I ATTENDED AFTER THE GOLF,I KNOW THERE IS A GOOD LIFE OUT THERE AND THANKS TO GA,I AM GOING TO ENJOY IT ONE DAY AT A TIME.YOURS IN RECOVERY TAXI TOMMY.BLACKBURN MONDAY. |
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| Reply from GA | |||||
| Hi Tommy, came along to your meeting last night for a pinning, second pin I've been at there in as many weeks and you are glowing mate. You already know this place works and I wish you continued success in GA and a life of non gambling for you and the family. | |||||
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| No | Name of Contributor | Date Message Left | |||
| 181 | IAN | 15 September 2008 | |||
| Message Left | |||||
| i sent a message around the 3/09 and it still has not appeared in your share your story page, also i have had no reply | |||||
| Reply from GA | |||||
| Hi Ian, apologies about the slight delay, reply is online along with a personal email from myself. Please consider it !!!!!! | |||||
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| No | Name of Contributor | Date Message Left | |||
| 180 | Jimmy S - Blackburn Monday | 10 September 2008 | |||
| Message Left | |||||
| I came to ga 6 years ago to this day. I was a broken man, and I had no family, no self respect, and no home. The first meeting I attended was Edinburgh Monday I didn’t know what to expect, but I knew deep down after being in the room half an hour I was in the right place. I heard a member’s story that night and the identification I got was incredible, all I kept saying to myself was yes I am not alone, there is other people like me. I came out the meeting that night with a feeling of hope. The next day I did something I had never done before I dealt with my huge financial debt by contacting the citizen’s advice bureau that was a massive weight off my shoulders. All of a sudden I was feeling better about myself; I couldn’t wait until Thursday my second meeting. When I arrived at the meeting I stood up and said jimmy-s- compulsive gambler no gambling to report, I felt a sense of pride and achievement for the first time ever in my life. At the break that night I got chatting to members and was feeling part of the meeting, I got a lift home that night from a member who stayed in the same town as me, he said to me in the car going home, that he would give me a phone on Sunday night to see how my weekend was, I still phone him till this day as he is one of my three sponsors. Four months went by, my life was getting better, I had rented accommodation, my work life was better, and I was still going to two meetings a week and talking to ga members on the phone. That Christmas I was gambling free. Then I got a phone call out the blue, it was my mother she wanted me back in her life, we spent a very emotional Christmas together, She told me she was going to gam -anon, and she had heard through her friends in ga that I had been going to my ga meetings, we became closer and very quickly I was treating her like a mother again. 6 years on I am gambling free. I get involved with new members when they come through those ga doors to give them a bit of hope in there life, and carry the message to the compulsive gambler that still suffers. I have a family that I respect, I have a job that I respect, and I have mother and a fiancée in my life for all the right reasons. I have true friends in ga. I will just finish off by saying ga saved my life, my gratitude to the fellowship and the people in it will be everlasting. I have this life today by going to ga 4 hours a week, talking to ga members on the phone and having a programme in my life. This is a message of hope. If I can turn my life around anyone can. |
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| Reply from GA | |||||
| Jimmy thanks for sharing your hope. | |||||
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| No | Name of Contributor | Date Message Left | |||
| 179 | Anonymous | 09 September 2008 | |||
| Message Left | |||||
| Hi, I am at my wits end with my Mother aged 72. She is addicted to fruit machines. Today she told me that she had blown the money that I had given her to buy a much needed large houshold item, this is the second time she has done this. I am disgusted. I work hard for my money and I feel this is a real slap in the face. I really exploded today and told her that she needs to stop kidding herself and admit that she has a problem. She turns it around and I end up feeling bad, saying the bingo is the only place that she can go on her own, She has promised time and time again that she will never do it again. its one excuse after another, this has been going on for years. I feel like cutting all ties with her because now I am upset and stressed and will have to explain to my Husband why I am substancial short of cash. I have been bailing her out financially for years. Today I have resolved not to give her any further cash. I have sent her the info on the site and have said that I will go to a meeting with her and I hope she has the courage to do this. |
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| Reply from GA | |||||
| Hi, your anger is understandable, as compulsive gamblers we are really not nice people, however, you do need to understand that your mother (like me) is an addict, driven by a mental obsession to gamble, and once she gambles, the phenomena of craving kicks in and she cannot stop. Unfortunately only addicts understand other addicts, why we do what we do and the depth of despair it takes us. Your mother is not too late for GA, our addiction knows no limits. But you have made the first move in restricting money available to her, however, compulsive gamblers will usually find the money by other means (please refer to our 20 questions). The only advice I would like to give you would be to call our helpline and speak with a GamAnon member, someone who can understand things from your perspective. They won't tell you what to do, they'll tell you what they done. |
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| No | Name of Contributor | Date Message Left | |||
| 178 | Dafty | 05 September 2008 | |||
| Message Left | |||||
| Back here again, dont know how many times I have clicked on this website. I just cant stop gambling, I have gambled for the last 22 years I am now 35 what a waste. I have been to GA 5 or 6 times over the last ten years but cant stay of the gambling, I am so fed up with my life, never seem to be happy anymore. I hope to God I can stop, cant do it on my own. I am going to go to a meeting, got too to sort my head out, dont want to waste any more years to this disease. |
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| Reply from GA | |||||
| Hi, there. I just got so much identification with you there in two short paragraphs. Before I came to GA I would read the stories on the GA UK website, seen myself in each of them but knew I just was not ready to go to GA and most important I knew I had not placed my last bet, I simply didn't have the desire to stop although I regretted all my losses. Perhaps this time GA will work for you, you have seen others succeed in your time in GA, it does work, give yourself a chance. |
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| No | Name of Contributor | Date Message Left | |||
| 177 | Tam | 04 September 2008 | |||
| Message Left | |||||
| Hiya, my name is Tam and I'm a compulsive gambler who is happy not to report gambling. I'm now going in to my third year gambling free and my life is good. If it wasnt for the GA and my friends in GA my life would quite simply be hell on earth. My main meeting is Parkhead or Ravel Row and my recovery has been amazing, I am living proof that the GA way of life works. I'd like to thank Wullie Bandanna for being there for me and also GA veteran wee pat who is a rock of inspiration to me, thanks also to Debs, Alan, Billy, and Wee Danny who looks like a wee saint sent down from GA heaven. My interpertation might look a bit .....well bizarre but thats just me and how i feel and see it GA WORKS FOR EVERYONE YOU JUST NEED TO GIVE IT A CHANCE TO KICK IN CMON WHAT HAVE YOU GOT TO LOSE.....AND FINALLY IF YOU DONT CHANGE NOW YOU WILL STAY THE SAME ONCE AGAIN MY NAMES TAM IM A COMPULSIVE GAMBLER AND IVE NO GAMBLING TO REPORT THANK GOD AND GA |
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| Reply from GA | |||||
| Hi Tam, great to read from someone who has came from the depths of desperation to be so happy, this is the promises this programme gives us. Thanks for sharing. | |||||
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| No | Name of Contributor | Date Message Left | |||
| 176 | IAN | 04 September 2008 | |||
| Message Left | |||||
| HAVE JUST PRINTED THE PAST MONTHS BETS FROM ONLINE BOOKMAKERS (28 PAGES) SO I CAN USE THEM TO SHOW MY MUM WHY I CAN'T PAY BACK THE MONEY I BORROWED FROM MY LATEST LIE. I SUPPOSE THIS IS MY WAY OF EASING THE PRESSURE OF NOT ANSWERING THE PHONE WHEN SHE RINGS, YES COME OUT THE CLOSET AND ADMIT THAT YOU ARE A COMPULSIVE GAMBLER, YES ADMIT HOW FOR YEARS THE ONLY WORDS YOU SPOKE WERE LIES, EVEN AS I TYPE THIS I KEEP PAUSING AND I CAN FEEL MY BRAIN TWITCHING - THE SAME WAY IT DOES WHEN YOU ARE TRYING TO THINK OF YOUR LATEST EXCUSE OR BASICALLY YOUR LATEST BARE FACED LIE, SO THE QUESTION I KEEP ASKING MYSELF IS WHY DO I DO THIS TO THE PEOPLE I LOVE MOST IN THE WORLD, BUT THE ANSWER TO THAT IS BECAUSE THEY ARE THERE AND ARE EASY TARGETS, THEY ARE EASY TO MANIPULATE BECAUSE THEY LOVE ME AND WHAT IS WRONG WITH THAT, IT IS ONLY ANOTHER LIE, WHATS THE DIFFERENCE, ONE MORE LITTLE PORKY PIE AND THEN I GET WHAT I WANT, MORE MONEY, MORE BROKEN PROMISES, I SHOULD KNOW BECAUSE I HAVE BEEN DOING IT FOR 15 YEARS. AND NOW? I KNOW I NEED TO STOP |
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| Reply from GA | |||||
| Hi Ian, I remember bank statements like that, only depositing £10 or £20 at a time, but when the bank statement hit the floor, hundreds of internet gambling transactions on each statement. The first step for anyone like me, is the admission of the fact they have a problem and want to get help. As simple as that seems it took me a good 3 years from knowing I was out of control to coming to GA, thought I was different, I wasn't like them. There are several meetings tonight, get to one of them, we can show you how we have stopped gambling and give you some hope that very soon your life can be so different from that of the existance you have today. |
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| No | Name of Contributor | Date Message Left | |||
| 175 | Stephen | 03 September 2008 | |||
| Message Left | |||||
| Done it again. I sit here reading all the stories trying to tell myself that none of them are me, when I know that every single one of them is me. I am that much in debt I know I will never own my own house again, I am at rock bottom every night I sleep less and less trying to figure away out of this mess. No one seems to understand that it is a habbit I can not control, when I enter a bookies its as if the doors are locked and I cant get out. Its the same when I bet online, only yesterday I lost £700 on line playing the cartoon racing games then followed it up with a £300 pound loss in the shops. My nervous are shocking, I cant plan ahead I cant do normal things that I should be able to do. Even now as I type this knowing that I am broke I still think that if only I can borrow £50 I will win enough to get by one, I know that cant be the thoughts of a sane man but they are my thoughts. Can I have a reply to explain what the GA meetings can do to stop me betting. If anyone reads this thinking they are alone there not I have not attended a meeting yet but i know its the only way to get better. Thanks for this site just allowing me to type how i feel. |
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| Reply from GA | |||||
| Hi Stephen, my wife told me for over 12 months to do something about my gambling habit, I didn't, simple reason is, that I wasn't hurting from it. I was hurting others around me but that wasn't enough. I would not admit to myself that gambling had me beat, there was always another bet in me, until the day I cried looking at myself in the mirror and the person I had become. I only ever seen the money and the debt, not the lying, cheating, conning, but the bottom line was I never wanted to stop, until that day. If you can identify with these stories then get along to a meeting and find out how we can help you. As well as these stories from people like you still gambling, there are stories from people no longer gambling and the things they have back in their lives today through non gambling. Please read them also and ask yourself, do you want some of that and do you have a desire to stop? If you do come and take in a meeting, I gaurantee you one thing, your life will NOT get any worse because of that decision. Please call the helpline or email me on webmaster@gascotland.org and I will get you in touch with a meeting close to you and have someone from there contact you in advance. All the best. |
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| No | Name of Contributor | Date Message Left | |||
| 174 | Anne | 02 September 2008 | |||
| Message Left | |||||
| Ive been gambling for two years now and Ive lost thousands of pounds. This morning I cracked and lost every penny in my bank account. Ive blown my rent money & now I have no money to buy my daughter a birthday present next week. I feel sick. Im so disgusted with myself. I dont think I can tell my partner he's not the type to understand. Im very ashamed for lying so much to people. I dont know what to do. | |||||
| Reply from GA | |||||
| Hi Anne. I used to think about the money all the time, I needed it to gamble, I didn't have enough, I stole it, borrowed it and almost begged for it, and it all went to gambling. Today, it's easy for me to tell you that it's not about money, although right now you will not be feeling that. It's about the people it turns us into, the lying, the cheating, the theft, the guilt. Compulsive Gambling is an emotional illness and please trust me that with the help of GA there is hope. 4 years ago I considered suicide as a result of my gambling, today I have a wonderful life, a life that is not dominated by money but instead love of my family, peace of mind, quality time with my wife, my GA friends, and my personal recovery from this baffling condition. If this can work for me it can work for anyone. In GA you are not alone, you are with likeminded people who know where you've been. Consider giving it a try, your life will not get any worse by going to a meeting. |
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| No | Name of Contributor | Date Message Left | |||
| 172 | EH | 30 August 2008 | |||
| Message Left | |||||
| I am sitting here today with my young kids completely angry and confused. I have been with my husband for 11 years married for 9, we were both in our early 20s and both working and both a bit carefree with spending, which we are now paying the price for. However for the past 6 years we have been in a debt management programme but have still managed to get into a lot more debt, it does get us both down but we always seem to keep going. I am not writing about our past debt problems that is just a part of my problem. I have been concerned about my husbands drinking more than anything and staying up all night at weekends, not realising until today that it has actually been gambling is the problem. He has gambled relatively large amounts of money that I have been unaware of that he has borrowed off family and friends etc which looking back now has been going on for quite a long time but i thought when he asked someone for money it was for us and our family to buy food pay bills etc. I have found out today that he would give me some money and he would gamble the rest in the hope he would win enough to pay everyone back!!!! He said it has been like this for the past year, ther has been some instances in previous years but he always told me how ashamed he was and wouldnt do it again and told me to keep his bank card etc but every now and then he would get annoyed at me as if I was controlling him and that it was his money so I would just throw his card back at him, I feel pretty stupid today as i never really thought the gambling was that bad and it was everything else was the problem. Anyway I havent seen him since miday today which is totally out of character and I have been trying to face up to this situation and whats the best course of action for my kids and me and of course my husband, I do love him and we do have great times but I just dont think financially I can deal with it anymore and mentally I am drained I usually blame myself for everything in the past and lie for him and myself to my side of the family as I dont wont the shame or the grief I might get. Sorry for prattling on I just had to get it off my chest to someone. Thanks |
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| Reply from GA | |||||
| Hi EH, thanks for much for sharing, you're not prattling and hopefully getting of your chest helped. I know I only came to GA when I was hurting. Along the way, I hurt my family, lied to my wife, my daughter, my mother and father. I didn't do an honest days work as gambling was pre-occupying all my thoughts. I would not accept that gambling had me beat until it began to hurt me in places money couldn't. For yourself there is GamAnon, please look at our GamAnon page, consider calling or emailing a gamanon member who knows exactly what you're going through. There are meetings to help you regardless of whether your partner goes to GA or not. You are not alone. |
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| No | Name of Contributor | Date Message Left | |||
| 171 | ma | 28 August 2008 | |||
| Message Left | |||||
| I've been going to my meetings now for 15 weeks and without GA support I'm sure I would still be destroying my life and familys life. I find it hard to deal with the emotional side of this illness, I speak to my sponsor every couple of days which helps. I am grateful for all the GA support. | |||||
| Reply from GA | |||||
| Hi MA, thanks for your contribution. It's great to hear that someone has come into GA and started the process of turning their life around. Regarding the emotional side of this illness, I found the 12 step recovery programme helped me deal with the guilt, my fears and my resentments I'd build up whilst gambling. Ask your sponsor about working the programme. Continued success in GA. | |||||
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| No | Name of Contributor | Date Message Left | |||
| 170 | GP | 16 August 2008 | |||
| Message Left | |||||
| I have lived with a compulsive gambler for 9 years and it is beyond hard,the damage I fear is irreparable. We have lost, actually he has lost our house, our savings, money falsely aquired from family and our debt is currently in the region of many thousands (that i know of). Thankfully he is at least in a job but life has sprung so out of control that nothing feels secure. Astonishingly I didn't know for 8yrs, I knew he liked a bet but it was so well hidden. He wouldn't let me have access to joint bank accounts and would leave me money on the table to see me through the day, constantly telling me it was for my own good as I was so bad with money and couldn't be trusted with cards etc. This made me feel worthless and stupid and I was constantly embarassed and humiliated when something came up and the tenner he had left for the day had run out and I needed to ask my mum or friend for a loan. I found out the severity of the situation when the bank called the house instead of his mobile and asked if I was aware of the activity of our joint account, they were worried the card had been stolen. In a month he had lost a lot in the bookies using his card to get cash back over and over again. Anyway this is probably boring for someone else to read but my point is for the people living with a gambler life is just as bad if not worse, as this is being done to us through no fault of our own. Yes my sympathies to people with this horrible disease but more so to the poor souls who have to put up with it. Compulsive gamblers are compulsive liars, I have been left wondering about so many things and now realise why he took so long at the shops when I was in labour, when I really needed him and why for no reason he was in such bad moods and so damn difficult to live with. He blamed me for everything right up till the end. Finally he has admitted he is a gambler he hit rock bottom but he took me with him. Finally he is going to go to a GA meeting but I'm probably going to have to go to a Gam Anon meeting to help me get over this. It scares me that a compulsive gambler is never cured and although many manage their illness, my god living like it may return at any time is a burden for all involved. The only way I see it is to separate legally so that his habit cannot effect my son and I in the future, ie if we ever manage to save and get a house. This is a sad solution, a sad day. |
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| Reply from GA | |||||
| Hi GP, firstly I have made some edits of your contribution to remove the amounts of money. Whilst to you right now they may be important, amounts of money are not important to the illness of compulsive gambling. What is important is none of us can stop when we want to stop, none of us can control the amounts we spend and many of us gamble more than we can afford leading us to lives that we are not proud of before finding GA. Compulsive gamblers are compulsive liars, you're correct. I never once laid a finger on my wife through my gambling addiction but I mentally tortured her into a feeling of uselessness, I also embarrassed her in a similar way that has happened to you. I never meant any harm in doing this, I just didn't know how to stop as gambling ruled my life and I had to protect that life as I had no desire to quit and was not ready to surrender. I hope your partner goes to GA, I did almost 4 years ago now, it saved my life, but I couldn't go until I was ready, until I found a rock bottom that meant something. My wife could handle the gambling, it was the lies and loss of trust she couldn't cope with, that caused more damage to us than the gambling. For yourself give GamAnon a try, doesn't matter whether your partner goes to GA or not, in GamAnon you will find understanding that you cannot get anywhere else regarding living with a compulsive gambler. Regarding this never being cured, try and think of that another way. If I have asthma, I could have that all my life, but by taking my inhaler at regular intervals I live a normal life. I came to GA 4 years ago without any hope and thinking suicide was an answer to my problems, I didn't know what normal was and gambling stripped me raw to the point I hated myself and what I'd become. Today, I am very happy, healthy and normal. The 12 step recovery programme shows me that I can recover from a hopeless state of body, mind and soul and gives me a way of life which when practiced promises me that I don't need to gamble again. I wish you all the very best. |
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| No | Name of Contributor | Date Message Left | |||
| 169 | Nas | 16 August 2008 | |||
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| Hi! my name is Nas. I`m a compulsive gambler. No gambling to report. I`m feeling down today, because I was "pulled" up at work yesterday. That old feeling:- Who likes to be told what to do? Anyway, I try to move on from this feeling by talking to my wife about, so I can clear my mind. I attend two meetings a week in Swindon,etc,etc... I have decided to a little change in my recovery at meetings. I do not know how long it will last, but it will hopefully do me good. It is:- Whenever I have the opportunity at a meeting to talk, and I have "nothing to say", and I want to say something, I will give a mini therapy in detail of a small window of my past life so that the other members understand where I am coming from in my life, and i do not develop "a Boring Attitude" towards my recovery and let complacancy set into my recovery. Thanks for reading this. Nas NGTR | |||||
| Reply from GA | |||||
| Hi Nas, thanks for sharing. I am very fortunate that in travelling with my job I have attended several meetings in America and many of these work exactly like you describe. I like to travel to some other meetings to understand how their meetings work in the hope that something different can be used in my own meeting. i'm sure noone will judge you in the meeting for trying this. |
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| No | Name of Contributor | Date Message Left | |||
| 168 | C | 11 August 2008 | |||
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| I've just found out my husband has spent another £1000, this time on Skybet! This is a new departure. In the early days of our 17 year relationship it was thw bookies, sometimes he lost his wages and as we had no kids and I had less idea we "coped". As our family grew and mortgage increased and increased to absorb the ever present overdraft and increasing loans and credit cards I became resentful. I took his bank cards away and things were better, I regained some trust "let him have them back" and it started again. This time telephone bookies, then it continued to internet poker and now Skybet. There is always some excuse that it carried on to put the money back but never any explanation as to why he started again! It's not even the money so much as the deception, arguments, lack of trust and the recriminations. I am tired, let down, feel unimportant and right now I would walk out if I didnt know he is a good man who can be kind, loving, and is faithful in every other way. He say he wants to stop but I've heard it all before. We both have good incomes and can usually sort out the binges he has but the debt never decreases. 4 years ago we had a mortgage of £90,000 now its £133,000 and we have loans of £15,000. (Some was for other things like home and holidays) We can pay this but holidays and luxuries are gone now. We have a lifestyle and possessions less than some people on benefits yet we both earn good money. Our kids havent had a holiday this year and this will never happen again even if it means I have to leave him for all our sakes. That's it really I have no other wish, question or nugget of wisdom to impart, no answers or solutions it just is. Thanks for listening. | |||||
| Reply from GA | |||||
| Hi C, firstly I myself am a compulsive gambler, although I now haven't placed a bet for 4 years thanks to GA. I can understand your partner and why he does it, like you probably cannot. However, I can only tell you that I looked for help when it was hurting me, hurting my wife, daughter, employer etc, etc, previously didn't make me seek GA. That is because selfishness is the root of all addicts, the all about my syndrone. Please consider going to GamAnon for yourself, to go to GamAnon your partner does not need to be coming to GA. GamAnon is the sister fellowship for those on the receiving end of our addiction, they can understand like I cannot, they can support like I cannot. Even call the number or drop an email on our GamAnon Page. Also on Tuesday 19th August there is an Open Meeting at Edinburgh Oxgangs Tuesday Group. There will be 2 GA Speakers and 2 GamAnon speakers, come along with your partner or on your own and hear these people share about their lives then and now. Noone will ask you to speak, or ask your name, just sit and listen, see if you identify. Wishing you all the very best. |
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| No | Name of Contributor | Date Message Left | |||
| 167 | Jack - Falkirk Thursday | 06 August 2008 | |||
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| Although its now a few years since I first came into G.A I often think back to the times that I gambled, the turmoil I caused in the house and elsewhere in my life, the times lost with my family, the times I was meant to be at work but was never there, how easy it was to lie just to satisfy my own desires.
Gambling totally dominated my life, I would do anything just to get my next bet and just like today I lived my life a day at a time but for totally different reasons. Since I came into the fellowship how my life has changed with the help of Sheila whose life I had made hell. Would I have been able to forgive the way she has?. The members of this great fellowship who welcomed me into their meetings. There were times I didn't want to be there, didn't like what I was being told but it wasn't down to the people in the meetings, it was me! I hadn't accepted that my life was unmanagable. But through time and a lot of coaxing from many people in the fellowship I slowly began to turn my life around. Today I don't need to lie to Sheila about where I've been, what I've been doing, hide the mail etc. Today I have a great life gambling free, I would like to think that I'm not the only one who has benifitted from my recovery so too everyone who has shared in a meeting with me thank you for your freindship without it where would I be today? Just for today I will follow the advice given in the G.A rooms and if I continue too do that then I know that I wont be the only person to benefit. |
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| Reply from GA | |||||
| Hi Jack, isn't it such a wonderful thing this recovery stuff. All too often in our pasts money was our God, yet time and time again I hear members talk about love and emotions - things that as compulsive gamblers are at the back of our minds, it just shows what GA can do to us as people, along with a desire to stop gambling and be a better person. Thanks for sharing your words, they made me smile today, focus on what I have and not what I don't. | |||||
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| No | Name of Contributor | Date Message Left | |||
| 166 | jon | 05 August 2008 | |||
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| 3 weeks off a bet now hope to get to meeting asap. I work away from home and just home,gambling is not for me, thanks. PS on this web site before i picked up a bet not as before when full of remorse have a nice day |
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| Reply from GA | |||||
| Hi Jon, 3 weeks great stuff. For many of us who once suffered from a hopeless state of mind and uncontrollable obsession to gamble, 1 day was a tremendous achievement. Some hope to someone in their early days of quitting that it can be done. |
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| No | Name of Contributor | Date Message Left | |||
| 165 | Al | 02 August 2008 | |||
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| I am 25 years old and have been gambling since I was about 18. Overall I must be down around 10 grand and I want to stop as I have had to tell my partner that I have just blew all my wages (not the first time) on gambling, and its only the 2nd of the month, feel so stupid. Started with casinos, bookies, playing roullette and recently caught on to blackjack online. I am now wanting to attend a GA meeting (understand theres one in Paisley), as I know I could lead a happier life if i wasnt constantly chasing that first lost bet. |
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| Reply from GA | |||||
| Hi Al,yes there is a meeting in Paisley. I've yet to meet someone who has came into GA, applied themselves to the recovery programme and their lives get worse. There is real hope in these rooms that you will never need to gamble again. The money isn't that important, although it's a huge thing right now, but the person gambling makes us is more important than any amount of money. | |||||
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| No | Name of Contributor | Date Message Left | |||
| 164 | ben | 01 August 2008 | |||
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| I seem to be hooked on the roulete machines at the bookies I only ever leave if I lose all my money or if I get a big win £500 plus, but even then I find myself lookin to win more very rarely do I keep my winnings for other things like clothes, fuel etc. I know this is ludicrous and tell myself its the last time, then I stop going for a few weeks then find myself doin it all over again. I desprately want to stop before I fall deeper into it | |||||
| Reply from GA | |||||
| Hi Ben, more and more people entering GA today tell us their stories of these roulette machines. I also was addicted to these machines, although I also gambled online as well as horses and dogs. But nothing took me as high and dropped me as low as quickly as these machines. Come along to GA, give it a go, and see if your life gets better. We have meetings every night in Scotland as well as several afternoons. I thought I was better than GA, gambling was causing me problems for many years but I had to wait until I was at my lowest before admitting I was beat and throwing in the towel. But today and for several years now, I have not obsessed about playing these machines or indeed gambling in general, that is a miracle. |
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| No | Name of Contributor | Date Message Left | |||
| 163 | William | 31 July 2008 | |||
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| Hi we are the parents of a 19 year old boy who we have found to be the most devious and cunning selfish individual you can care to imagine. Just 18 months ago my son suddenly changed from the carefree boy who had a bright and exciting future ahead of him to what as i can only describe as a internet and casino junkie. I know this is the norm in this site to experience these problems but it is how quickly an individual can self -destruct through gambling. To date we have uncovered he owes £7500 and there may be more to be un-covered. To date he has drunk excessively taken drugs and only thought about himself he has stole from his family and manipulated us in so many ways to go on a holiday with his friends. Our problem is that our son has finally admitted he has a major problem and we are taking him to his first GA meeting. We know this is a long and painful process he must go through but our major concern is his friend's they all gamble and visit casino's and I know for a fact they will break any resolve he has built up. The question is must he give up his friend's to get better or is there a way he can still see them but I must stress my son is now WEAK and I feel this is a journey that will both break or family apart as we are at loger heads already on how to deal with him. For me I love him to bit's but his LIES are killing me and I know I will end up in hospital through this as I feel ill 99% of the time. To be honest I feel this is a journey he feel's he has to make instead of WANTING to make it but we as a family are willing to listen to anyone in a similar position. Any advice would be most welcome and to anyone going through any similar problem's my heart goes out to you and your family and I hope you can beat this dreadful illness. Thanks a caring father and mother. | |||||
| Reply from GA | |||||
| Hi William, I have removed your surname for anonimity reasons. My group has several younger members also, around the same age as your son, this illness does not care about age. Like your son I and the others in the meetings I go to are addicts, we all know the spiralling effects gambling has on our and others lives. Rather than be a problem your son has admitted his problem, look upon this as the beginning of the solution. For my wife it was never the money, money is the least important thing, it's the lies and the mistrust that hurt most. You son will stay in GA and deal with the issue of friends, if he wants to be here, you need to understand that you have no control or power over that. If he stays in GA he will not be weak, he will grow and learn to stay away from gambling. For yourself, I'd suggest that you seriously consider going to GamAnon, speak with other parents, what they did and how they coped. GamAnon meetings are also listed on Meetings page and are prominently in Edinburgh and Glasgow. Finally there is an open meeting coming up in Edinburgh Oxgangs Group where you can listen to 2 GamAnon speakers and 2 GA speakers talk, this may also help you and your son get some identification. Feel free to come along. I have also dropped you an email. |
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| No | Name of Contributor | Date Message Left | |||
| 162 | Wullie - Cambuslang | 30 July 2008 | |||
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| Just want to share my story i have had many ups and downs with gambling , more downs than up my last bet was 11 weeks ago and it feels good to be free again. one day at a time. | |||||
| Reply from GA | |||||
| Hi Willie, almost 90 days. Well done. | |||||
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| No | Name of Contributor | Date Message Left | |||
| 161 | Gerry, Fred | 30 July 2008 | |||
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| Just back home from a wonderful afternoon meeting at Wednesday Glasgow Partick. The first half of the meeting was a normal meeting with acceptance being discussed. All the speakers were most enlightening about their feelings on this subject. We got so much recognition about the illness we suffer from. Superb stuff! If it wasn't for Gerry I would have not known about the Partick groups first year pin going to Kevin. If I heard correctly they said it was the groups first pin and it was going to be given to Kevin. Well done Partick for a large turnout and well done Kevin for a wonderful afternoon. I have never tasted food like it at the tea break. Thanks everyone for making it fantastic at Partick. | |||||
| Reply from GA | |||||
| Hi Fred, another great contribution, thanks for sharing. | |||||
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| No | Name of Contributor | Date Message Left | |||
| 160 | Fred | 29 July 2008 | |||
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| Sometimes going to another meeting gives you the courage to face problems in your life by sharing. I would like to thank everyone at wee Monday for lifting me up tonight. They put me on their shoulders and poked my head above the clouds to show me that the sun always shines above the clouds no matter what is going on below (usually rain, thunder and lightening). Occasionally I can't see the wood for the trees, until it's graciously pointed out. What would have happened tonight if nobody was there? Thanks GA I'm always grateful. P.S. I was given bread. Yesterday, they only bread I thought I needed was money. How wrong was I. |
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| Reply from GA | |||||
| Hi Fred, thanks for your contribution. I believe that we are in meetings to share our experience, strength and hope with the Compulsive Gambler still suffering. Hope that one day our mental obsession to gamble will be gone, and we will live a better way of life. I'm sure we all agree that everyone could always use a little more hope. | |||||
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| No | Name of Contributor | Date Message Left | |||
| 157 | Anonymous | 25 July 2008 | |||
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| I have been in a relationship with a compulsive gambler for five years and just want to thank the people who have had the courage to get help and support. Reading your stories gave me a much clearer understanding and can only say that I admire and respect the ones who have shared them. I hope some day soon the love of my life can do the same and look forward to showing him the encouraging progress many of you have made. God bless every one on the road to recovery and my sincere gratitude for enlightening me. Your loved ones must be so happy and proud of you. It's far nicer to love yourself and forgive yourself. Stay strong. |
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| Reply from GA | |||||
| Hi Anonymous, thanks for your message. I hope someday soon you find some peace of mind with your loved one. Whilst your partner will only ever come to GA when they reach a meaningful bottom in their life, you can seek help and support yourself just now via GamAnon - Our Sister Fellowship. It is there for you should you wish to use it and will give you all the help and support you need from people who know what it's like to live with and love a compulsive gambler. | |||||
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| No | Name of Contributor | Date Message Left | |||
| 156 | Al - Edinburgh | 11 July 2008 | |||
| Message Left | |||||
| Just read a few stories on here and they related to me. I am 32 but have been gambling since I was 14. I used to go to the bookies and stand outside asking whoever walked passed to put on a bet for my dad, which they did. This continued until I was legal to go into bookies and put my own bets on which I did, but never really won apart from the odd small win. I then discovered the internet and poker sites etc, thinking I was an expert looking to take money of other people with my great strategy and again that went haywire. In between all this, I stole from my mother, sister, family etc,and I didnt even feel bad about it until I was found out again and again. As well as losing several girlfriends when they found out,happiness eh? When I get paid I look forward to having a gamble even though the previous month I done my wack. I have now decided to go to GA to sort this out and enjoy my life, as from the age of 14 my whole world has revolved around gambling and MISERY.. Wish me luck, I hope it helps me out! |
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| Reply from GA | |||||
| Hi Al, You are not alone and your story just reminded me of where my life was a few short years ago. It doesn't have to be like this. Like you I was very selfish with little regard for anyone apart from me and what I needed. There is a meeting tonight in Edinburgh, it's my base meeting, I am happy to meet you in advance of the meeting and talk to you if you'd like to come. The lad I pick up on route was also a poker addict, there are several in our room. The choice of course is yours, but I will drop you an email with further information if you're interested. |
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| No | Name of Contributor | Date Message Left | |||
| 155 | 04 July 2008 | ||||
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| I feel the need to confess to someone the fact that I have just broke the longest gambling free period that I have had since developing a habit, 60 days. Although it was only £30, I feel that as it was the only money I had in that particular card it could have been so much worse! I thought that I had it cracked! | |||||
| Reply from GA | |||||
| Hi there, not sure if you're coming to GA or not. What I will tell you is that I will never have this cracked. I get longer away from my last bet with each day, but I am still the same distance from my next which is only one day. For people like me, there is no cure. We arrest our problem a day at a time. Time and time again before GA I tried alone and nothing worked, I tried counselling, doctor and another helpline, nothing kept me gambling free and somehow they all thought that somehow I could control my gambling. Today I accept that I cannot control my gambling, if I place the first bet, the second will follow, and suddenly before I am aware of it, I will be back into my destructive ways. There are some simple rules to follow for everyone but especially in those early days, look on the inside back cover of the Orange Book. |
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| No | Name of Contributor | Date Message Left | |||
| 154 | A Non E Moose | 01 July 2008 | |||
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| Once I was a very selfish person, my life full of lies and cheating. Once I loved gambling, online poker, roulette, casinos. Once I thought my life was great... Until every avenue for money had been ripped away from me with my so called love for gambling. Now I go to GA, I work my program and learn from members who have experienced where I was and what helped them, I go to different meetings to strengthen my recovery, here different views and stories, generally doing what I need to do to keep me away from that first bet back to ruin and keep me away from that old self. From time to time it creeps back, spinning in my head, waiting for a weak moment to take over, character flaws that I should recognise and change. Now I have true friends, people to look out for and people who will look out for me. Am I grateful for my new life? To have a gambling free head gives me more room for all the troubles and worries life throws at normal people. I don't have enough time to do life's normal stuff, when I was in the throws of my misery with gambling, I didn't bother about time for anything or anyone. Today I can step up to that plate and not turn my head and run away. My new understanding of myself is always being worked on, my 12 step program has given me a new look at myself, my life, the people around me. i feel fortunate to have a chance to improve me, care for others and support others within our fellowship. I am forever grateful for GA, thanks to me accepting me, this allowed me to realise i had to make those changes. Without change nothing changes, without effort there is no effort, without being friendly there is no friends. Unity is the key, Practice what you preach. |
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| Reply from GA | |||||
| Hi Moose (love the name) The gift called recovery for people like us is so very special. I have just finished work, and after a particularly tough day I am waiting to leave for my base group tonight. I looked to see if there were any stories needing loaded as I read this and suddenly today wasn't so bad, suddenly, work isn't so bad, actually, life is good, suddenly I remember that I have a greater purpose and that is to carry the message of hope and recovery to another Compulsive Gambler, someone just like me. Thanks |
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| No | Name of Contributor | Date Message Left | |||
| 153 | Tom | 13 June 2008 | |||
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| I am 46. I have never gambled before in my
life... well other than a sweep stake at work for
the Grand National and a few scratch cards.
I have just returned from my first ever visit to a
casino. I gambled and lost the entire contents of
my bank account. About 2 thousand pounds. I lost the money in about 1 hour, I feel astounding resource and consider myself to be a total idiot. My first few bets on an electronic roulette wheel went well — betting £40 and winning £67. In my mind I could do this again — and so bet £400, expecting to get £600+ back. I didn't and was compelled to repeat the bet this time for £1200 and so (in my mind at least) win about £2000 — of course I didn't. I returned to the cash machine a dozen times (was charged £1.75 for the privilege each time). On my last return to the cash machine I removed all the remaining cash (I HAD to win my money back) - I didn't and now am completely skint for the next three weeks. A complete and utter idiot. I feel really frightened that I am an addict to gambling — how is it possible to reach 46 and never gamble but then suddenly behave like a complete arse? |
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| Reply from GA | |||||
| Hi Tom, there is nothing that says in this life that you must gamble a certain amount of time to 'qualify' for the the life of a compulsive gambler. There are people in our rooms, who gambled long term and found GA after years of progressively getting worse and there are people who have found their way there after incredibly short periods of time. They gambled later in life and they got hooked straight away. Only you will know if gambling is causing you problems, GA will be here if you need us. Call our helpline and see if you can identify with the person on the phone, read these stories, does it sound like? Read our 20 questions how many Yes do you honestly answer. What I will say about myself is that I've now been gambling free for over 3 and a half years. When I came into GA I had gambled for many years on everything and everything, but, nothing took me so high and dropped me so low, so quickly as bookies roulette, they changed my life forever. If you need our help please pick the phone up or attend a meeting. |
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| No | Name of Contributor | Date Message Left | |||
| 152 | Keegan - Aberdeen | 11 June 2008 | |||
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| Hi. Just found your site after weeks & months of trying to convince myself that I don't have a problem and that 'it'll all work out ok in the end'. Gambling has ruined my life because I've let it. I'm not in last chance saloon yet, but the road I'm on is decidedly rocky. Thousands upon thousands wasted.....200 bad days to every good day.....I need help to get out of this vicious, soul destroying, life destroying nightmare. | |||||
| Reply from GA | |||||
| Hi Keegan, please trust me when I say I thought and felt these feelings so many times. However, it wasn't about the money I wasted, that never meant anything. It was about the feelings of self despair, what I was doing to my family and of course to myself. That feeling of hating the person looking back at me in the mirror was probably one of the lowest points of my life. If you have tried to stop and can't, if you convince yourself you will walk away but never do until your last pound is gone, if you really want to stop gambling, GA can help you. GA is the last house on the block for many. There is a meeting in Aberdeen on a Saturday. Please check the meeting page, just turn up, they will help you. Call the helpline. |
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| No | Name of Contributor | Date Message Left | |||
| 150 | Fred (Hamilton, EK, Motherwell) | 04 June 2008 | |||
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| My pinhole perspective. For sometime now I have tried to give up gambling (read share your story 22, 26, 33, 65) for the background reports. Last night, at Hamilton GA, I was fortunate enough for the group to offer me a one year pin. This I gratefully accepted as it had taken me two and half years of attending GA to achieve this milestone. It had become rather annoying that people arriving at GA after me were getting their first year pin well ahead of me. They did this because they accepted that they were beat. I never did, I always thought I was better or smarter or dafter. That one day I would reap all this study and time and win big. Never did, and when I won, I just lost it again. I could not learn from my mistakes. I couldn't stop gambling. This was until GA came into my life. I gratefully accepted my first year pin last night only after I managed to accept the fact that I am a compulsive gambler and gambling has me beat. What a relief, no worry about where the money for my next bet will come from. A day at a time was the key to me. I had received so much recognition from everyone at the meetings I have attended that I had the strength to stay off a bet a day at a time. This is personal to me as I found the more meetings I attended the less likely I was to gamble the next day. It worked for me so I wasn't going to stop a winning formula. The help I received from everyone has been a great lift for me. I seem to enjoy life a lot more these days without having to worry about where I will get the cash for my next bet. I don't seem to have this problem today. Having accepted that I can't bet because it leads to my compulsion I seem to be free. I can do other things with my spare time. Great, all down to GA's help from attending the meetings. I can try to lead a normal life, that's not all about me and my compulsion to gamble everything. On another personal note, I would like to thank everyone who attended the meeting at Hamilton last night. Those that spoke and those that didn't manage. The most important thing is that you were there for Hamilton GA and I am extremely lucky enough to receive a one year pin from my pal Bermuda Dave. Thanks to Tommy for chairing the meeting and Tommy2 for the minutes. Bill T and Derek for the Tea/coffee, cakes, etc. Lastly, I would like to thank Brenda (my wife) for her sandwiches and coming to my first pin. GA has given me back a normal life which in turn has given her back her husband a day at a time. Thanks GA. My pinhole perspective on life has opened up and I can see more clearly. I have the future with more optimism and faith in a higher power that seems to carry me along. I am blessed with something I thought was impossible for me to achieve a day at time. Thanks to everyone in this wonderful fellowship, for without them I am lost. Kind regards, Fred. |
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| Reply from GA | |||||
| Hi Fred, thanks for sharing your hope that one day for people like us we will not obsess about gambling and we can return to a normal way of life. Congratulations on one year free from a bet. | |||||
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| No | Name of Contributor | Date Message Left | |||
| 149 | Mark Blackburn Monday | 03 June 2008 | |||
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| My name is Mark and i came to GA in March 1997,my first meeting was at Rutherglen Sat Morning,from the moment that i walked through the door i knew that i was in the right place,i reported gambling in September of 1997 after accepting money from playing in a golf competition,from that day on i stepped up my meetings to two per week and also upped my contact to other members outwith the rooms,i received my 10 year pin last October at Blackburn Monday and when i look back at the 13 years of crazy gambling that i done and the last 10 and a half years of non gambling it is just night and day,my daughter was 18 months old when i came to GA,and i was so sick that i could not take her a walk or to the swingpark as i had to be in the bookies.Jackie who has been with me and always stood by me through the bad times decided we were having no more kids as i treated her like a doormat,after coming to GA and changing lots of things my son Cameron was born on 01/01/2000,a millenium baby,my kids are now 8 and 12 and they know that their daddy goes to meetings every monday and thursday,although Allana will know sooner or later as she has started asking questions,i have my own business now and that is down to GA,i would not have been able to do that whilst gambling as i have to handle money on a daily basis,my mind is a lot clearer and i receive lots of help from all my family and lots of friends in GA,i go on holiday every year with the GA Boys and i will always be grateful to them for their company on and off the golf course,they are great friends to me not only on holiday but when we come home also,i speak to six or seven people every week and they know who they are and i get so much from all of them,i also like to keep in touch with any new members that we have at both meetings as i remember how important it was for me when i first came through the doors,My wife Jackie and her mother and father have always supported me from day one and continue to do so a day at a time,that means so much to me,if i can sum up the way i feel today it is very content and very happy with what i have in my life,some people might not always like or identify with everything that i say but i always say what is on my mind and it is not meant to hurt anyone,GA is working for me because i want it to work and i let people from GA into my life,i am so happy to be a compulsive gambler today as i would not have all of the friends in the fellowship that i have and if i go back gambling i lose Jackie and the kids,as long as i keep attending two meetings a week i dont think that will happen. Yours in Recovery, Mark Blackburn Monday. | |||||
| Reply from GA | |||||
| Hi Mark, thanks for sharing your strength. You are a special person in my recovery, you chaired my first meeting, you knew where I was that tonight and even though I have moved onto other meetings, we have stayed close and you've always looked out for me. Thanks | |||||
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| No | Name of Contributor | Date Message Left | |||
| 148 | John | 27 May 2008 | |||
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| I am not feeling great just now, I have missed a lot of meetings recently some I couldnt make and others I couldn't be bothered or was watching football. My life is starting to feel empty with no reason, the resentment is stronger than ever against my ex partner for taking my kids from me even though if I am honest I see them more now than I did when I was living with them and at the time it was for the best as gambling had taken over my life I was sleeping with my eyes open most nights the debts were mounting I did not like the way I was neglecting my familly did not like the person I had become. Tomorrow will be different I would say it's all over am finished with punting roulette machines and casinos it was a lie every time but gambling was too strong and it was easier than real life. Whenever I did go home the kids would be in bed if my ex asked me questions I would snap at her when I won I would promise her what she wanted to hear I would do the same with my kids sometimes I had no intention of keeping the promises other times gambling got in the way I never had time to feel guity every day was the same gambling for money or getting money for gambling I was not a good father, I was not a good person. I was a gambler nothing else mattered I could go on and on I never want to forget where gambling takes me or what it turns me into. I have been going to G.A since Sept 07 I live myself now I see my kids all the time we now have a nomal life we enjoy the simple things together the things I never had time for before I am no longer withdrawn I enjoy talking to people today I can look them in the eye, I can hear what they are saying, I can concentrate, I no longer live in my own world I try to fit in with everyone else and keep an open mind. I have missed my meetings recently, missed the group, the banter, the identifying, I have been going to at least two meetings a week up until about six weeks ago it's a bit of a struggle just trying to do the right things I find without meetings so I have had my wee holiday its back to my meetings from tomorrow and I know I will think different about things that are bothering me on Thursday night after a meeting I cant do myself it out there but sometimes I forget. Today my life is not wonderful why should it be but its better and more importantly my kids lifes are better thanks to G.A |
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| Reply from GA | |||||
| Hi John, what you have said here is such a common story. Life is in the gutter, gambling is dominating us, some of us consider suicide, we come to GA, we stop gambling, our lives begin to get better, and suddenly we forget how we got there, it was down to GA, the people in the room, the phone calls of support, the friendship, the unity. But suddenly our lives are better and we no longer need GA, we have taken what we need and we are good. There is a common theme in that first paragraph, selfishness. This is how we were as gamblers, to exist in recovery we must remove selfishness, and give GA some priority. Next time you feel like this why don't you get invovled, take a new comers phone number, call them, support them, help with the room, setup the chairs, does your group get represented at the National Committee each month, get involved. I spent my life on the sidelines, losing many things and people that were important to me as gambling destroyed my life. Today in GA, I am involved, even if it's only answering these posts on this website, I try to carry the message of hope to others and it makes me feel great on a daily basis. I understand that I have what I have today because I give GA a priority in my life, my life in the past was only about me and others meant nothing, today I try and give something to others. Glas to hear you're getting back to the meetings, ask your group secretary how you can get involved. There are many groups out there struggling, why not consider visiting one of them sometime and giving them a little of your hope. |
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| No | Name of Contributor | Date Message Left | |||
| 147 | stevie friday g.a | 28 May 2008 | |||
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| i,m sitting in an internet cafe in melbourne australia. here with my brother graeme and my mum. having a great time and spending some quality time we have enjoyed our experiences and enjoyed many laughs on a once in a lifetime holiday. all thanks to g.a. | |||||
| Reply from GA | |||||
| Hi Stevie, great to hear from you and great to hear you are enjoying life thanks to GA. | |||||
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| No | Name of Contributor | Date Message Left | |||
| 146 | Bob | 27 May 2008 | |||
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| Hi there, dont know really were 2 start I have been gambling for over 10 years now but I have known that I have had some sort of problem for over the past 3-4 years. I can really relate to what some of the stories on the website. It all started when I went 2 school I would go down the main street every lunch time and play the slots sometimes not going back sometimes even doing my bus fare in knowing it was over a 1 1/2 hour walk home. Then I came of age that I could walk in 2 bookies finding out all the different ways of putting on a bet and the odds I was getting. I could not believe this and thought it was easy money. Got the big wins lost the big wins I carred on like this for years now im online and things are getting really bad for me now I stole of my mum £500 the other day to fund this habbit and was so sorry about it at the time and when I told her she was angry but felt sorry for me which I could not understand I had just stolen from her. Next day I was back to my old self after swearing that I was never going log back on I actully called her the next day and asked her for a loan so I could gamble some more which I lied to her about saying I had debts that had to be paid ASAP. The lies I have told over the years to friends, familly and partners make me sick when I think about them. ITS TIME 2 GET HELP..... I'm going to go to a GA mettting on thursday as I cant go on like this I just hope there is answers there. |
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| Reply from GA | |||||
| Hi Bob, I got so much identification when I read this. It reminded so much of my life in 2004. I found bookies roulette then within months there was simply not enough gambling time in the day and I went onto Online Gambling. 24 hours a day, I would creep out of bed at night when my wife was sleeping to gamble, I borrowed from everyone I could, always believing I would pay it back. We believe that Compulsive Gambling is progressive and you are certainly showing signs of that. I'm not sure you will get answers at your first meeting, but I am sure you will get hope, hope that one day your life does not need to be like how it is today. |
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| No | Name of Contributor | Date Message Left | |||
| 145 | sharon | 22 May 2008 | |||
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| 21st May 2008 is now another date that can be added to the history of GA Scotland. On this day the first Woman Preferred meeting was held in Glasgow, the first in Britain. 13 Woman attended the meeting which I have been told is 3 times the amount who were at the first every woman preferred meeting in America they had 4. The possibility of the meeting was discussed around the fellowship in Scotland for about 6 months and did not come to anything. After a few discussions two woman from the fellowship explained to Tommy (in the office) that they would be happy to take this forward if it was something the fellowship wanted to do. The idea of the meeting was approved at the last regional meeting. Since then there was a lot of work behind the scenes, as anyone who has set up a meeting would know. Decisions were made quickly so the meeting could start as soon as possible however these are adaptable and now we have a group conscience these may be changed to fit the needs of the fellowship and woman using the meeting. After many discussions it was decided this meeting would only be used as an additional tool for woman in GA and not as a main meeting. The fellowship as we know is a group of men and woman working together so we must keep this paramount for everyone’s recovery. We felt the best way to do this was for the meeting to be held monthly not weekly. This may change in the future if the need for it arises. All members who attend this meeting will be encouraged to use the mixed meetings as normal to help with their recovery and for identification. It will be stressed clearly that this meeting is not here to replace the regular meetings but only as an additional tool. Once the meeting opened one of the woman identified herself as not being a gambler and advised she was there to give us help and support. The lady had a certificate with her to prove that she was qualified in helping with gambling problems. This was a fear that I had before hand and had put to the back of my mind. I was able to deal with this quickly as I had read about the first GA meeting which had 13 people and one of them was a journalist who was identified and asked to leave. I must thank Tommy for letting me read his copy of “Still Sailing” which helped me handle this situation. I would say that my higher power had given me the time to read that book previous to the meeting which discusses that first meeting and how it was handled. For me the meeting was far more than I ever expected. I feel that this has been a step in the right direction. Already there have been identified areas which would make woman feel more comfortable in main meetings. this will be a learning experience for us all and maybe we will be able to share ideas to help keep woman in GA. I am in no way criticizing anyone, only looking to see if we can help anyone on their road to recovery. i would like to thank GA Scotland for allowing this meeting to be started as without your confidence in us that we would run the meeting in line with our traditions this would never have been started. Thank you again from the bottom of my heart. You all showed open-mindedness, willing and courage to change the way things were. With our natures and defects of character it shows how much recovery we have between us. |
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| Reply from GA | |||||
| Sharon, thanks for sharing and thanks for staying in GA and showing strength with others to move this forward. In my home group I'm very grateful that we now have a couple of women who have stayed and are there for others, unfortunately our group has lost some women who came and didn't stay in rooms primarily that were male. I hope our female members can get along to your meeting and all the very best. | |||||
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| No | Name of Contributor | Date Message Left | |||
| 143 | Irene | 13 May 2008 | |||
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| In the past month I have been visiting one online gambling site using my partners card details. At first I only spent the odd £10, which lasted a while as I won fairly often. This progressed to me losing £500, panicking, and losing more daily as I desperately tried to recoup the loss before it was noticed. The result is that yesterday I was confronted by my partner holding a 20 page bank printout with debits amounting to over £12,000 (le | |||||